Rachel in her recent post speaks of possessions and the memories they have - memories personal to the owner so that when the owner dies they become just objects which the observer either likes or dislikes - or as is usually the case - neither one nor the other - just a thing which one would hardly notice if the object wasn't somewhere 'asking 'to be noticed.
As I age - and bear in mind I am now ninety -such objects become more and more important to me. The pottery bison the farmer and I bought at Mesa Verde and which now sits on my mantlshelf next to a bull we bought in Salamanca which always reminds me of two things - both of which I can imagine clearly as though it were yesterday - the bull ring at Ronda and the Seville Orange trees which as we walked in the street where we bought the bull were being lopped - oranges and all. I can feel the dust and the heat of standing in the bull ring and I can smell the sharp tangy smell of the oranges. Noone else can do that now that the farmer has gone - no longer can I pick it up and hand it to him and chat about it. And, if no-one wants it when I die it will stand with other objects on the table at the Auctioneers and be sold for some paltry amount. And I don't want that.
So that fact - which applies to so many of my possessions - gets more poignant with every day that passes.
Sometimes I think possessions are not easy to live with. Do you feel the same?
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30 comments:
Possesions can be strictly personal to the owner but can also be treasured reminders of that person to those that are left behind. Rather than be selfish and to a degree thoughtless, I shall leave everything in my house to those that have shared or known my life and it'll then be down to them to dispose of what is not wanted.
After being in the business of selling antique and vintage items for some time, I see this differently, perhaps. People who buy what I sell tend to really like the items and go home happily with them. It pleases me to see our stuff finding new homes where they will be enjoyed once again.
But as to auctions, yes, I find these, thrift shops and such places where things are sold for very little kind of sad, especially things like embroidered and other handmade linens, family photo items and the like. I always think surely some family member should have loved them as memories or to honor the former owner!
That reminds me of a blog I wrote some years ago about washing Bertie's dishes. I had bought a large box of glassware and other things at auction and found the former owner's name. I googled her and found some interesting things, like she and her husband often performed on a popular radio country music show. After I published the post, a niece got in touch, asking for the photos I had found in the box. I was happy to send them to her.
As to my own things, I have assured my sons that I will not be offended if they sell them at auction, donate, or whatever. They will not have the attachment and memories I have. My granddaughters, fortunately, love my old stuff so a good bit mat find homes with them. But either way, I am okay with whatever my sons decide.
My mother named individual pieces with stickers on the back or on the bottom in accordance with how she had seen them admired or appreciated during her life so that those items went to good homes and she knew they would be loved. Everything else she left for us to dispose of and paperwork not needed to go on a fire. I think sometimes possessions can become a bit of a burden but making a list of items and where you would like them to go can take away the worry of them.
I won't be here after I die.
I will cease to exist except in the memories of people who knew me.
As long as an item doesn't cause a falling out between two people both wanting it I don't mind what they do with my stuff.
I can't think of anyone who would want my possessions after I have gone. My sister and I cleared out most of Dad's things when he died so we both had what little keepsakes that were left. She certainly won't want any more things to clutter her house. I suppose my personal mementoes will just go to the charity shop or to landfill even, as there is only P left who would share those memories.
This is a big issue for DH and me as we are both 'only children', so inherited everything from our parents and I found my heartstrings were tied to too much stuff. Our old son says our living room looks like a grandmother's home and that's because the couch, two chairs, and some footstools belonged to my maternal grandmother! We have had the soft furnishings reupholstered but the furniture is made of good, old wood (unlike Ikea!) and it pleases me. I have my Grandma Hall's rocking chair, also reupholstered, that fits me perfectly. DH and I don't seem to have the 'selling' gene, but we do have the 'donate' gene and we have lots to get rid of one way or another.
Hugs!
Have you told the stories of some of your more precious possessions to your son? Stories are meant to be told so they may live on.. an oral history of sorts.. then perhaps some of these things will mean something to him.. But i do understand what you are saying . All of our 'things' that hold meaning for us will no doubt go the way that you mention. Wish there was a way to attach your story to each piece as it was sold.. But oh my i enjoyed every moment of collecting 'my things', 'my memories'.. and i have so enjoyed them over the years.. my copper plates from Switzerland, my cuckoo clock from the Black Forest, all my suns and moons that hang on the wall.. my Swarski crystal that i collected all through my marriage.. all my art and craft items.. I think we must enjoy life and our things while we are here after we are gone it won't matter to us what happens to them.. Hugs! deb
I don't care what happens to my stuff after I die. Even if it ends up in a resale shop, a buyer might create their own happy memory of finding it there.
Since retirement, I've been trying to be more of a minimalist. I've worked hard the past 3 years purging things from my home that have no purpose and don't give me pleasure. I've actually imagined the day I'm no longer here and my boys will have to donate and auction off the contents of my home. The thought of a stranger handling my favourite things such as my mother's treasured wooden squirrel makes me flinch a little. Even so, it bothers me more to think my boys will be burdened by my "stuff". I want them to donate and sell my last remaining possessions with ease, and more importantly, without guilt.
Leaving special items to someone that has expressed interest in them is a good way to handle possessions. In the mean time, I enjoy my possessions and keepsakes that I have surrounding me.
I have disposed of quite a lot in the past months, but I always photograph them first.
Maybe I'm odd but possessions do not mean that much to me. I have things that I like, ornaments, jewellery etc but I could give them away at the drop of a hat and have done in the past.
Funny because I am a sensitive person but my philosophy is that everything is loaned to us for our life and we actually don't own any of it.
But I do understand how some people do care and love some possessions.
Also these thoughts come to the fore as we age.
Briony
x
When my husband died, I gave some of his personal things as mementos to his sisters and closest friends. I chose carefully what I thought they would like, and asked them beforehand if they would appreciate the item in question or something else.
From my grandparents, my husband and my Dad, I have kept things I really treasure. They vary greatly in size and use, but they are all important to me. None of them has much monetary value.
Not having children myself, I don‘t know what will happen to my own stuff when I die. There is not all that much there, as I try to keep a relatively slim household. And I guess when I‘ll be dead, I won‘t care anyway.
Your son must know the story behind many of your possessions. I imagine there will be a few things he will want to keep to remind them of you and his father.
Oh yes!!! With the recent passing of my DH I feel it even more accurately. I know the children don’t have the memory connections but they bring meaning to my life every day. I live in a small area with little family so there aren’t even good alternatives for them not even auctions. It’s a quandry but for now I’ve decided that they are still offering me comfort and joy. As an only child I have much I’ve inherited, too, and many are precious memories. I don’t see an answer.
I think that if you are comfortable with the memories, your possessions are a comfort. If you are struggling, the possessions are perhaps an unhappy reminder.
One thing that I do know for a fact is that your possessions will have no value to anyone after you unless they know the stories of them. They will become just 'things', dust collectors. If they know why they were treasured by you, they will hold them, remember those stories once again and the faraway look in your eyes as you remembered those stories.
I hope that you will always tell your stories, Pat.
When my Grandma passed 30 years ago, Aunt and my Dad found an unchewed plug of tobacco (Grandpa’s)amongst her possessions. Grandma and Grandpa had a very loving marriage. Grandpa had died 20 years earlier and Grandma had put the tobacco in a box with other treasures. Now I have that plug and I can’t bear to throw it away.
My mother tells the story of cleaning out my grandfather’s house after he passed, only to find out after she was done that he had a habit of hiding cash in empty toilet rolls. I have several items that were my grandfather’s and grandmother’s. Sadly, I don’t have anything of my father’s, but I know my brother does and treasures them. I think they are tangible reminders of those significant people in our lives.
I have several things of little value that once belonged to much loved family members. I also have several things of not great value from my children and grandchildren, which have enormous sentimental value. I cherish them all, along with the memories attached to them. I'm not sure I would like to possess anything of great value - it would be too much responsibility.
My mother-in-law found in hard to part with her chiffonier when she went into care. No-one in the family wanted it, yet she placed great emotional and monetary value on it. There must be many families dealing with this as there are enormous amounts of chiffoniers advertised on the internet, cedar and mahogany, going for very little money. She became so distressed that husband and I reluctantly 'took it in' to our small house, and it's presence holds a large part in her enjoyment of Monday night dinner visits with us to catch up with her 2 year old great grandchild.
No-one else in my, or my husband's family feel as strongly about material possessions.
The little 2 year old in our lives makes any material thing pale in comparison, and we all feel blessed by her beautiful nature.- Pam.
Oh Pat! You have opened a big topic!! How to 'downsize' the collection of old family treasures is a problem here too. I inherited all of a wonderful aunt's antiques and silver, then my parent's silver and furniture, then my husband's parents stuff ALL came to us... What we kept were only those pieces with sentimental, or huge monetary value, that we both loved. We've downsized a couple of times, and I'm about to do it again. I took a large box of carefully wrapped antique wall plates which were stored in a cupboard since our last move over 12 years ago - I didn't even open them, I just took them to a local antique shop and gave them away. Some were old blue plates, others stately homes ... it was time they went. The effort of listing them on a website, answering questions, wrapping and sending them to buyers is just too much of a bother.
My DIL is a complete minimalist, so there is not a home for anything there. I believe it's my responsibility to leave as little a burden for my son and DIL as I can.
As we live in a 'bijou' house, there is very little room for all our possessions; they remain up in the loft.
I saved just a few tiny items from my parents house when I had to clear it - no room for anything large. Memories, however, are stirred up in all sorts of other ways - certain places, turns of phrase, times of year and so on. Sometimes I even say things which come out in my father's voice, surprising even me.
My mother and father came from Irish/ Scottish families and passing on was the way they did it...however my daughter and son really seem to have little desire to own the contents of our home...they live very different lives...but like yourself Pat so many of the articles have memories of family especially at celebration times when we use the beautiful china set from aunt Helen for a tea table at Easter , birthdays and Christmas...who knows maybe the grandgirls will think differently and consider them cool vintage!!
Exactly what granny Sue says, and for the same reasons. I have been to so many auctions down the years, and bought boxes of "stuff" which were once treasured by someone. But then, I put them on my stand at antiques fairs, and someone else comes along, falls in love, and their story starts over again, with new memories being attached.
Tell your son the stories attached to your most precious things, and he can decide whether or not he will keep them an remember you and your late husband(s) through them.
Easter Sunday a dear friend gave me a tiny bird's nest she fashioned years ago intertwining Alder twigs no larger than toothpicks. Is it something I need or can use? No, but I'll treasure it all my live-long days. I can only hope that those who must go through my things will be overcme with the same moment of sheer joy I experienced when they see it.
The most precious thing my Father left me was his voice...I asked him to tape record his life for me...he did and I LOVE it! He died in 2002 but I still enjoy his words!
Put your stories on tape...your son will love and appreciate he can still listen to his mom!
hugs
Donna
Gail - what a lovely gift. I can understand why you treasure it.
The older I get the more I think about what we would have to get rid of if/when we downsize from a fairly spacious house. I love my furniture, antiques(not fancy antiques but very serviceable) now they really are antiques for the most after 50+ years belonging to us and many years before us to other people. Some come with family connections and others just our own history with them.
It has always surprised me that there are a lot of people who think of their furniture as just things, objects that can easily be replaced if need or desire dictates. I think it is much easier to be that kind of person since sifting through their possessions and abandoning some along the way is much easier for them to do since there is little attachment to them.
I do not want our children to HAVE to keep anything I leave behind. And I have told them this.
Luckily, I have never been a collector so it isn't a big stash, to be dealt with anyway.
Anything which is mine, I have enjoyed it. And when I am gone, I care not what happens to it. In fact, I am trying to dispose of all I can, now. 86 is far too late to be doing it, but better late than never.
My husband is another matter. But that is not for me to worry about. -smile- I can only remove any burden, of my "stuff."
Just my 2 cents as the old saying goes....
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