A day or two ago a friend lost a dear one. I wanted to reply in a particular way but the word I wanted to use just wouldn't come. I went away and had lunch, then returned to my computer and thought again. I even rang my son, described what I wanted to say but how I couldn't land on the right word. I don't think he really understood what I was getting at and he couldn't help. Eventually, after searching through the dictionary I abandoned the whole thing. Then of course, too late, in the middle of the night the word flashed into my mind. 'Construct'. Since then I have given the word a lot of thought. Today I am going to tell you my thinking and I hope you too will think - and respond.
Regular readers will remember that at the end of last October, days before my 90th birthday, I had a major Grand-mal epileptic fit and spent ten days in hospital and then over a period of weeks my whole medication was changed.
When I came out of hospital I explained on my blog that it felt as though my brain was a jig saw puzzle which I had finished but that the fit had shaken it up until it was all in pieces again.
Over the next couple of months my mind re-did the puzzle, neatened it all up and I finished with it all 'ship shape and Bristol fashion'. It now feels sharper than it has been for some years - and family and friends all notice the same.
I have decided that I have' compartments' - I am a tidy person - everything has to be in its right place. If things are awry then I can't settle to 'think' e.g. I do the mind games on The Times every morning but not until everything is tidy, my breakfast pots are washed and put away and I am neat and tidy for callers. I think some might call me excessively so.
So to what I wished to say to my friend but couldn't find the right words: I don't know how others think- maybe we are all alike, maybe (as with tidiness in physical things) we all think differently. But I would like you to think about this and tell me - is it just me or does everyone think along these lines. And here I come to the word 'construct' - used as a noun, not as a verb although thinking about it I suppose used in both senses.
In this particular instance, thinking of bereavement, I have a construct (noun) in my mind of all those near and dear to me - my immediate family, my dearest friends -, those special people who mean a lot to me. When one of them passes away - as we all will eventually for sure - that construct in my mind has a space in it. a space which I have to fill - not with someone else but with a completely thought- through memory of the person. I suppose what I am thinking of is 'closure' a word I hate.
I have been widowed twice - once after 39 years and once after 23 years. What I now have in my construct (noun) is two spaces filled with memories if M and D - memories that are good and which are complete from A to Z and which are now settled there and can be pulled out and thought about whenever I like, almost (but not quite) as though they were still here.
Does everyone think like this do you think? Or is this just a long-winded version of every day thinking?
** Chamber's Dictionary -
Construct( verb) 'to build up; to compose; to compile.
Construct (noun) 'a thing constructed -especially in the mind- an image or object of thought constructed from a number of sense impressions'.
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31 comments:
How interesting, Pat. I don't think my mind has ever been as tidy and compartmentalized as you describe. I wonder if it's too late for me to try to organize my memories?
My sympathy to your friend in his/her loss.
Hugs!
That's a really interesting post Pat.
I have to say that "closure" is a word, a thought, that I use a lot - people die, that's it closure, now move on.
Hard, cold, non-emotional, I don't know, but that's how I look at things.
I think we all compartmentalise our memories to an extent, perhaps on a different scale of neatness to yours! When I was a child I used to imagine that my brain was like a library staffed by little men in black suits and bowler hats (it was the era of the Homepride men). If it took me a while to remember a fact it would be because the little men were scurrying around trying to find the right shelf, the right file. They usually found it in the end!
I would call it something more mundane i think Pat so i think my suggestion would not be up to what you are thinking of.. I would call it a castle with a chamber or room for each person.. maybe a Palace... Interested to see what others say.. No i do not think this way myself.. Hugs! debs
I think I understand ...and agree. Maybe even "re-construct" if that fits better for some.
Your thoughts are so interesting.
I have a place in my brain for each person in my life, I guess that would be a construct, a word that I never heard of as a noun. I also sort my thoughts into before Jim, second husband and after. Interesting! Gigi
Interesting post Weaver of Grass. I am not a tidy person by any means but I do need to do what I call “mental filing”. At the end of the day, I tend to sort through what I have done and learnt and file it away.
Many moons ago, pre internet, pre mobile phones, my partner and I travelled independently from Singapore to Hong Kong. It was hard work, as we had to plan the route as we went, find accommodation, transportation etc. in Hong Kong we joined a tour to China, leaving the tour in Beijing where we hopped on the Trans Manchurian (which we had booked in advance). I was a bit worried such a long train journey would be boring but we both needed the rest to do our mental filing. We had experienced so many different places we need some down time.
I also have a problem with the word “closure”
Wow, Pat. At only seven months since the loss of my nearest and dearest this touches home as somehow your topics seem to do so often. I like your word and it makes sense to me as closure holds no meaning for me and never has. I have no closure for anyone I’ve loved. They are a part of how I got to who I am today and always will be. I am still forming my construct of my DH trying to leave behind the memories of most recent struggles and focus on the endless precious moments we were blessed to have together. I enjoy neat but struggle daily with the fact that things hold precious connections for me with those most loved. This has always been so for me since my childhood. So I continue to strive for neat in the public areas of my life and suspect I will spend the rest of my days trying to bring my private space (both physical and mental) into manageable order.
And, yes, your most recent clarity has been observable and stands as a beacon that such changes are always possible. Thank you as ever for your willingness to share. Have a wonderful day.
I hope I have not missed the point (again!) dear Weaver. This sentence of yours is certainly a valid point. "It is just that those are the days we choose to remember - the rest are pushed out of our old, and very overcrowded minds". It fits nicely with my current interest in the subject of memory. Jackie
You are right..they leave a space..a compartment..ready to be filled with memories.
I like your way of working too...clear the decks each time before the next job
My opinion is that the word closure belongs to the legal and financial/business professions. Closure as it is used now is a modern twist of the meaning. I don't compartmentalise loved ones passing with special thoughts of them. I have memories and thoughts of them yes and suddenly I am transported to those moments when something or someone triggers those memories.
Veg artist. When my son was a small boy somebody bought him a book about how the body works. He absolutely loved it - and he has it still. All I remember is the drawing in the front of a body outline with all kinds of compartments - e.g. a couple of men working bellows where the lungs were. I must ask him if I can just borrow it to refresh my memory.
Keep your thought coming please - I am finding your replies fascinating.
Hi weaver. I do agree about close, my husband died over 12years ago, but I cannot ever think of his death as closure. When someone precious leaves your side now can it be closure when you shared so much tovether. Closure to me means an ending, memories never end they are far too precious.
I thoroughly enjoy your daily thoughts and discussions, I am 10 years younger than you but sincerely hope my mind is still as sharp in another 10 years.
Thank you for making my days brighter.
Much love. Plain Jane x
Hi weaver, again. Sorry about the spelling. My kindle has a kind of its own.
Jane x
I dare say not everyone has a mind as neat and tidily sorted in compartments as yours, Pat. Every now and then, things happen that make the borders between my own mental compartments dissolve, my mind descends into chaos and that hardly ever feels good or healthy to me, while others may welcome it as inspirational to creativity.
I have read somewhere that everyone sees colours differently. My yellow dress may look a different yellow to you, and your latest leather jacket‘s colour is that exact shade only to your eyes. Fascinating!
The idea of a "compartment" or a "construct" leaves me cold.
I have become more tidy since I live on my own. My husband's office desk was very tidy but at home he was a nightmare! There were many times when I was ticked off for 'tidying up again'.
I am not at all sure that my mind is tidy, and at times I could liken it to a washing machine on it's spin cycle.
You have such a wonderful command of our language and are a deep thinker I believe. I seem to just do my best with whatever comes my way, and looking back over the years it worked pretty well. Having had five children, four of them quite close together, maybe I didn't get much time to 'think' deeply. However, I do have many lovely memories of those loved ones no longer alive.
Sounds more complicated than my own thoughts, I think. Example: my parents are both dead but I just have them in my memories as I always did when they were alive. They may be gone from life but they have always been there in my mind. I don't think that changed with their death. Does that make sense, Pat?
When I think about construct, I think building blocks. That is, building blocks of the mind where everything is stored, remembered and recalled. All our life experiences are held and remembered whether we like it or not.
Love the idea of Homepride men compartmenilizing. It is a great construct
What a shame. I thought the post was quite wonderful and didn’t leave me cold at all
Well, I like your discussion of the word. I learned something. What I did notice in the last few months that the quality of your blog improved many time. Yes , you were better organized and could pull up more material on the topic. Yes, there was definitely a change. Maybe there was still the effects of the aura of the grand mal. My thinking and organization ? Random chaotic all the way! Enjoy your day.
I think it interesting that so many of us have noticed the tremendous clarity of your posts lately. I mean, you never seemed to be fuzzy, but it's incredible how well your " thinker" works. And, you are able to share those thoughts with us, thus opening doors to new ideas. About your "compartments", years ago I suggested that my life was like a chapter book. One chaper ended and another began. It's a physical book in my head, so I can go back to those finished chapters. Seems like an idea similar to yours.
I think you are totally correct in your compartmentalized construct.
Isn't it wonderful that your new found (or regained) clarity of mind came about with the seizure and the change in medicines. Otherwise you might still be pottering along in second gear managing quite well for your age but not as sharp as you might be. Now and again what would seem to be a misfortune turns out to be a positive for the recipient.
Interesting post ! Oh Boy I dislike the word closure. I am not sure what my mind is like but not neat and tidy with compartments. Mine just zoom from one memory idea to another not messy I hope but flowing like the ocean.
I find it very annoying when that perfect word eludes me. I write xxx and carry on until it comes; sometimes days later.
I haven't left a comment on here for a while but was so interested by this that I felt compelled to :-)
Although my brain absolutely does not work like yours ( and I wish it did ) I totally get it, but had to read through a couple of times before I did.........loved others comments too. TQ
Alison in Wales x
I too have noticed how your daily blog has recently become essential reading!
I like tidyness in my physical life because I find it allows me to wander at will, mentally!
Thanks everyone. I am always pleased when the topic that comes to mind generates such a good discussion.
You know, I was pondering this yesterday while we worked, and I felt like I was so close to understanding...but not sure if I was getting it. We went to the store to pick up salad stuff and I saw a man. If I was required to give you his name, I could not. But I immediately thought 'rabid raccoon'. I knew right where he lived, and I remember the call, and I remember discussing the issue with him. He was a very nice man, very concerned about his dog who'd been outside before he realized that there was a raccoon acting very unnaturally. I remembered all those things, and his wife, and the later discussion that the dead raccoon had tested positive. All of it. Instantly, as soon as I saw him, although this happened probably 12 years ago.
I realized that I do things like that quite a lot. Tim asked me the name of an acquaintance. I couldn't remember to save my soul, but later, something was mentioned that I connected with Ashley, and her name popped out of my mouth immediately.
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