That is today's - or rather tonight's question.
Yesterday I watched and listened to Barbara Streisand talking about what she intends to do with her life now that she is 81. One thing above all else - she intends to "have fun." She says she has never had 'fun' in her life (she had a tough childhood) and now she is 81 she intends that to be her top priority.
Now today in Times2 Robert Crampton speaks of making sure we are aware of what is 'fantasy' and what is 'reality' and also of opting for 'contentment over 'fun' now that he is 59.
He writes about his Bruce Lee fantasy of becoming a black belt in Karate - faded long ago, along with his aim to master two or three languages and his 'pootling around the Caribbean on a yacht'.
Of course for us 'ordinary mortals' real life does tend to get in the way of having much of a choice.
When I and my friends were teenagers - the traditional age to have fun - the Second World War and its aftermath tended to overshadow the 'fun' element. Fun definitely in the days of swimming in the River, fishing for tiddlers in the beck, having 'kissing games' at Sunday School parties but we 'sophisticated' teenagers - as the New Look (remember that?) came in - the nearest we got to good old fashioned fun was Saturday night dances at the Co-op Hall in Lincoln. Dances at The Drill Hall always sounded much more 'fun' but were forbidden to us 'Chapel' girls - soldiers went there to pick up a girl friend! 'soldiers' were absolutely forbidden fruit for us - it was Co-op Hall or stay at home.
Then work to earn money - none of my friends went to Uni - none of us even contemplated it - money was short in all of our families. You left school at 16 and you got a job. You paid your mum for your food and lodging and the little you had left from your wages (few if any of us had 'salaries' - that was for the posh girls) you saved up for clothes and the somewhat limited make-up we were allowed to wear. (Many's the time my father, without taking his eyes off The Lincolnshire Echo' he was reading, would tell me to 'go back upstairs and take some of that 'muck' off my face before I went out!' - and I would do it (no argument)
I don't think you can equate fun with enjoyment - we 'courted' we 'married' we had 'babies' and enjoyed (hopefully) the experience. Then when our children were grown up and flown the nest we had what we called fun (boring more like for our kids).
Can't think when I last had 'fun'. Do know that most of the time I live a very contented life full of friends, little - not too tiring - outings, good books, looking at my garden, watching Monty Don working in his garden, just gazing into space and thinking nice thoughts, trying to not think about the mess the world is in.
As for fun - even in lower case letters rather than capitals - no thanks. Far too tiring. Maybe Barbara Striesand will find that out - seems Robert Crampton already has.
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25 comments:
It's always interesting to read about your experiences while you were growing up! Thank you.
I think that fun is anything you enjoy spending time doing, be it reading, painting, training for a marathon, or anything else and it doesn't require exertion. Or so I think!
Hugs!
Fun is trying to do something you value that is difficult, and achieving it. All else is just messing around.
I wonder what Barbara S. has in mind for fun. It seems odd to wait until she is 81 to have some fun. Going on airline, train and sailing travel adventures is always great fun for me and I have done this throughout my life (with family, friends and my husband). I will happily continue this.
Now that's an interesting question. My daughter said to me while she was here that she doesn't think I enjoy things. That surprised me. I do enjoy things quite a lot. I think it is perfectly fair that at this stage of my life, I should be free to choose the things that bring joy to my life, and to step away from the things that don't. I feel that I have a happy life and that I am contented.
I believe Barbra let life and people interfere with her fun. Little fault but her own.
I always look forward to reading your posts, you find good topics. Contentment vs. fun, I think as a senior lady I like contentment with a sprinkle of fun mixed in.
Funny you should bring up this topic! Just the other day I suggesting going to an event, saying it would be fun, but my husband was less than enthusiastic, as he often is when I suggest an outing. So I asked him what was fun to him. His answer? Hunting. And fishing. Both of which are activities that he would do alone. When I asked what he thought would be fun for us to do together, he finally came up with "road trip". Which i enjoy too.
I consider so many things to be fun. Like meeting up with friends, going to a trivia night or a concert where friends are playing, to picnics, walks in the woods, picking a bouquet...I could go on and in.
Contentment, for me, is so easy. Home, a good book, sitting on my porch, a fire in the fireplace, all simple pleasures. I heard a singer the other day on the radio who had a line in her song something like " make a good living, but be sure to make a good life". Perfectly put, I tbought.
My 'fun' these days is mostly centred around having family around the table, or chatting with fellow dog walkers in the park. The rest of the day is simply 'pleasure'.
As someone who spent his teenage and early 20's years enjoying the freedom that the Swinging 60's gave us, to do as we liked and to max the fun that we wanted and indeed enjoyed, it's very hard to understand the kind of life that you was expected to live as a teenager. It certainly must of been difficult to have "real" fun in those few years as a teenager before you took on the role of a wife. I guess you would now say that your father's strict rules on what you could and couldn't do, perhaps kept you from harm but I imagine a lot was missed as a result.
When I worked in a "special school" the headteacher had a sign hanging in her office which read "A Day Without Laughter Is A Day Wasted".
In my eyes, fun and contentment don't need to be exlusive - there can be times when we have fun (such as going to a dance, or entertaining friends), and an overall feeling of contentment to our day-to-day lives.
My teenage years fell in the middle of the 1980s, and I lived close enough to the big city to be out clubbing all weekend nights. I was never, however, interested in taking drugs, and cautious in my relationships with boys - one girl in our wider circle of friends was pregnang at 17, and I definitely did NOT aim for that. We still had a lot of fun, but at the same time managed to get apprenticeship, and I have never experienced unemployment personally.
I have always enjoyed life through many things, so perhaps contentment would be my goal. As a teenager, fun was dancing at the Southend Palais but I also worked as well up in the city. Choosing to always be active is probably why happiness never evaded me.
Interesting Derek but I think it was how most people behaved in the thirties and then the forties when the war governed everyone's thinking and behaviour. "Soldiers" (and remember my brother was a soldier - at Dunkirk and always in our thoughts) were to be avoided - local camps of young lads and then Yanks as well. To most Mums and Dads in our village at least girls needed to be carefully watched. One girl got pregnant - actually married the American soldier concerned and went off to the US with hundreds of other wives - a 'war bride'.
The overriding thing that comes across here is a definition of "fun" is different for everyone. It is so individual isn't it. What Barbara S considers to be fun I might find boring or even unpleasant. Example - as a non-drinker meeting friends for drinks in a noisy pub is my idea of hell!
Let's all just try to be happy and contented with what life throws our way - not always easy.
I was very moved listening to Richard E Grant talking about his late wife. He said that when she was terminally ill, she encouraged him to "find a pocketful of happiness every day".
Just as 'small things done with great love' can make changes in this sad world, so little moments of joy can lighten a long hard day - watching a bird through the window, hearing an old song on the radio, a letter or phone call from a friend, a good memory triggered by a an unexpected remark. Keep your yachts in the Caribbean, treks up the Himalayas, and fancy houses - look for joy in the simple things of life and you will not be disappointed, and the greatest joys are found in bringing joy to others . Thank you for your blog, a source of joy to so many - bless you for your words 💜 💙 💛
A bit of each would be nice.
I will only ever have one grandchild, and boy, do we have fun. She has just turned 3, and we have so many laughs. I love the things she says, like "my pyjamas are hotting me". Our days are magical. Pre grandchild I would qualify for being a content person in my retirement, but now she is the biggest bonus for the fun factor. - Pam.
My fun times were the years (16) that we kept our boat in Grenada and sailed around during the winter months. Also travelling in the Himalayas, India, Africa, South Pacific, Europe, south America, the Arctic and even Great Britain. Being a non drinker, hell for me was sitting in bars or pubs with friends, but the company was nice till stupid hour rolled around. I have not had any fun at all since my husband died as I have no friends left to go out with. Don’t worry, I am very happy with my memories at my age. My dog gives me joy.
You know when I think of 'fun' t this stage of my life, it has more to do with freedom than whatever it is that I am doing...because I am able to do it because I want to, not because I have to. I think that is what Barbra meant. She has devoted a lot of years to her art. She is devoting the balance of those years to herself and what she feels is important.
My early life and upbringing were very much like yours, and adulthood brought serious responsibility when babies arrived. Early years of parenthood were hard work, but the children and I had fun together as often as possible. Now I live alone and am a great grandmother, I am content and grateful for my life and situation. I still enjoy a bit of fun and equate that with time spent with friends, children and other family members, sharing jokes and probably not acting my age occasionally!
I googled Barbara as I did not know much about her life. She did have a hard start and through her teenage years. As Debby said above, probably more freedom than fun.
Our 19 year old granddaughter is on holiday from work for a week and came over today. We had fun playing chess, board games and cards. Then (tried to) put together a gingerbread house and ice it! She said she would buy another one nearer Christmas. You don't need vast amounts of money to enjoy certain things.
You have often needed to be strong in your life,Pat.My wish for you is to have an awareness of how much you have given to this world.Mary
Thanks everyone - I now have a good mental list of things that might be fun to try if I ever have time!
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