Sunday, 24 October 2021

How old is too old?

 I had my visitors for lunch yesterday - it was lovely to see them.   I love my God daughter dearly and don't see nearly as much as I would like to see of her as I do see her.   We lie literally opposite sides of the country.   It is good to see her happy.

I so looked forward to them coming, I managed to cook a lunch of sorts but I totally forgot about giving them a sandwich and a piece of my birthday cake before they went (and they were too polite to say anything).  I slept well and yet today I have literally been too tired to do anything other than sit and doze.   Even reading was too much of a chore.

The truth is that entertaining of any kind is becoming too much for me - I am going to have to admit to being too old.   The trouble is that I love people and having to admit to being too old is very  difficult.   At what point does one say 'I can't do this any more'?

My friend and neighbour H came round for a short visit late afternoon and we got on to the subject - I have suddenly found my blood pressure has rocketed and has to be investigated and she has problems along the same lines.    We agreed that we are both getting 'past it'.   In which case dear blog-friends you are going to become more important than ever to my well being.   Watch this space.

31 comments:

Tom Stephenson said...

Oh, my dear Weave. You will, no doubt, be fast asleep as I write this, but you have it from me that you are never too old to do anything that your mind will not stop you from doing no matter what your body will allow. You are old, but the kind people around you know this, of course. Just enjoy what you can do and enjoy what others can do for you too. I hope this doesn't sound too preachy, but I know you are loved for what you are, not for what you can do.

CharlotteP said...

My Mom was always a great entertainer of friends, and it was really upsetting when she could no longer cope. Most were really understanding, no longer expecting to stay the night, and bringing food with them to share with her...I'm sure yours would be too, if you can gently tell them that you love to see them, and will be really upset if they don't come - but cooking is just too much. Maybe now would be a good time to tell them how you feel, rather than wait until they might visit again? Say you'd be very happy to share fish and chips - or they may decide to take you out to lunch!

Rachel Phillips said...

As I said to you yesterday, I don't know how you do what you do, one thing is enough for me. I see no reason why you need to stop your entertaining, just mentally introduce some guidance for yourself that you will not let other things collide with the day. And if visitors offer to bring food, accept it.

Bonnie said...

It is understandable that you should be so tired today. You not only took on entertaining yesterday but you also went out for your flu shot and entertained friends earlier in the day. It is wonderful and important for you to visit with those you care about but can you do so without taking on the responsibility of doing so much yourself? You can always order out for food or let your guests pick up something on the way over. I promise you, the people that care about you come to see and visit with *you* not to be entertained by you. Please take care of yourself my friend and know that many people care about you!

Debby said...

Pat: our dear aunt Anna is about your age. She is dear to us. When we go to visit, we place an order at a local restaurant. Our visit is a visit only, and before we go, I do any washing up. She is tired. We all can see it. No one expects anything more than a visit. Her daughter actually put out the word to everyone. Could Carruthers do that for you? If your god daughter doesn't see you often, perhaps she did not realize.

Susan said...

I agree with TS, above. As for blood pressure, until you get to the doc, eliminate salt and drink more water as this might help. Also when you entertain, consider a good caterer. They usually have lots of choices and provide lovely deserts too.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, I hope the blood pressure thing turns out to be just expected fatigue from a long and exciting day.

ceci

sherry said...

It is hard to cut back. I have to too. But I still do dinners and things, but now my grown kids and grandkids help out in the kitchen.

Joanne Noragon said...

So much we want to do, but it passes by. Please learn about the blood pressure.

Red said...

Some days are worse than others. We have to give things up from time to time and enjoy what we have got left.

elf said...

Darling Weave, tell visitors they must bring the food. They’ll understand! Don’t give up the socializing you love.

Susan said...

Letting your visitors bring the food is actually lots of fun and leads to a relaxed visit for everyone. It is a bit more difficult when people are coming a long distance because they need a bit of a rest before heading home. Could they fit in visits with other people in the area? People love you and want to see you so I'm betting they will adjust to your needs.

Cro Magnon said...

One should remain as active as possible for as long as possible, but there comes a time when we should leave others to do all the hard work, and we can relax. I'm sure your family and friends understand that, and shouldn't expect you to go to great lengths for them. People are usually very happy with 'simplicity' when visiting; I often prefer it.

John "By Stargoose And Hanglands" said...

Explain to guests that they'll have to help out with meal preparation? Go out for a meal? Order a take-away? But don't stop having visitors.

Angela said...

Yes, I agree with all the above comments too. Having visitors is important, but should not be a burden. Accept all offers of help with food and enjoy the company and conversation. You are so precious to friends and family, allow them to treat you with love and care. If that means they bring the food to you, or take you out to eat, enjoy every minute, and don't feel guilty. I'm sure your GP will sort the BP! ☺️❤️🙏👍

Librarian said...

My mother-in-law in Ripon is 87 now, and has not been in good health for a long time. She is happy to receive visitors at her pretty cottage, but after an hour, she gets very tired and is best left in peace again. Eating out used to be an option, but she has never been a big eater and does not enjoy going for pub meals any longer. Therefore, when friends and family plan to visit her, they usually have eaten before or arranged for a meal after, and only have a cup of tea at her place, of course helping to carry the tea things and clearing up afterwards. Nobody thinks any less of her because of that, and from what I know about yourself and your friends and family, neither will they think any less of you if you cut back on the work involved with entertaining - not necessarily the entertaining itself.

Sue in Suffolk said...

There's so much good advice in the comments. All I can add is - just take care and hope the BP is quickly sorted

thelma said...

As Sue says good advice out there, get the BP sorted, could be the excitement of family visiting and worrying about the food. AND you did all that housework in the week, take it easy and rest today.

Devon Mum said...

Great that you had a lovely visit with your God Daughter but moving forward you probably need to set some new ground rules for visitors. We had some older friends, that we used to visit and have lunch with and then there came a time when she was perfectly honest and said providing lunch was too much for her and could we just come for a cup of tea, so that's what we changed to. Like you, they loved having visitors, but not the extra work. When we visit my Dad for the weekend, I always bring and prepare all the food for lunches and we go out to eat on the Saturday evening.

the veg artist said...

Hope you are feeling a bit brighter this morning. But still, take it easy!

Tasker Dunham said...

When my mother-in-law started to struggle, we used to take and prepare stuff ourselves. Keep going.

Lynn Marie said...

For some people, providing a meal is such a joy, it's hard to give that pleasure up. But don't let that rob you of the greater joy of seeing loved ones. You'll have to spell out what you can and cannot do as they may not realize, and this may feel awkward to you at first, but they love you. Don't put them in the position of inadvertently making life difficult for you!

Heather said...

We just have to weigh up the pros and cons of every pleasing event and decide whether it will be worth being totally useless for two days if we decide to take part! I speak from experience. So glad you enjoyed your visitors' company - I am sure it was worth it.

Ellen D. said...

You have been so good at adapting your life to fit your physical needs and I have confidence that you will continue to do that. Do what you love, rest in between and take care of your sweet self!

Granny Sue said...

I feel for you. It cannot be easy to let such pleasurds go...but you are wise to recognize the need to revise what you do. There are so many good suggestions here I don't have anything to add. But you have made me aware of the need to plan visits to elderly friends carefully so it is not tiring for them. I do hope the blood pressure issue is sorted out quickly. T

ellie k said...

My sweet daughter in law calls to say they are stopping by for lunch and than says they will pick up something at a deli or some place and bring lunch with them. I put out plates and what I might feel like doing and they show up finish getting things ready and put the food out. In a few minutes we have lunch on the table, ready to eat and visit. She cleans the table and I have a nice lunch, good people and can rest in the afternoon. Usually they even bring their drinks since I drink water most of the time.

Polly said...

It's sad and depressing when we have to admit that we need to slow down. I think the comments from your readers is good advice. Continue doing what you enjoy but ask visitors to bring their own. I hope your blood pressure is ok.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Dear, dear bloggy friends - you always turn up trumps and make me feel better. Thank you all as usual - and of course you are right.

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Crafty Green Poet said...

As other people have said here, why not ask your guests to bring the food? I'm sure they'd be happy to make the tea too! You're never too old to socialise.

Kay said...

I would do a pot luck with people. As for what is old. My mom is 92 and she still doesn't feel old, but she would have difficulty entertaining and cooking for others at this point.