Tuesday, 19 September 2017

Decision

I am in somewhat of a dilemma.   Regular readers will know that I am shortly to move house and am just waiting for the final details to be finished.

I showed you a photograph of my bright and perky Tess on Sunday.   Sadly if you saw a photograph of me you would see that I am not so bright and perky.   In my head I still feel twenty five - in my body - well in my knee and ankle - I am definitely much nearer eighty five.

Is it fair to keep Tess when I move?   In the first instance  she is a country dog.   I have had her since she was six weeks old and she is now nine and a half.   All that time she has lived on the farm and gone round the fields with the farmer, chasing rabbits, sniffing in the hedge bottoms, roaming as she wished - off the lead apart from the short journey back down the lane to the house.

Now I am to move into a bungalow in the nearby town.  Although it is a quiet little market town it is still not the same as open countryside.   Is it fair to take her there?   I have already contacted a dog-walker but that only accounts for one daily walk - what about the rest of the day?    She fixes me with her eyes which say 'when are we going for our walk?' and I know I can't take her.

Friends say that at her age she will adapt and I am sure they are right.   But is it fair to ask her to - and in any case - will she be too much for me to manage when I move? 

I am beginning to think that the reason I want to keep her is a selfish one .

64 comments:

Frances said...

You are not being selfish. I think it would be unkind to Tess not to have her with you. She has only known you since she was a baby and she will soon get used to a different regime and walks as long as you are still there loving her as usual. Please stop worrying about her. She needs YOU ! Love to you both. x
ps I have just clicked through about 8 pages of street signs before it let me in......is it me?

A Heron's View said...

Pat - you and Tess need each other for company. Your friends are correct Tess will adapt to your new life style, dogs can do that...

Anonymous said...

If you think Tess will adapt to new owners it is also true that she will adapt to your new home albeit with a slightly different regime.
When my father died we took over his dog. He was in the same home (my dad had lived with us), had as near the same routine as we could manage and longer walks than he had been having but........ he definitely pined for Dad, looking up hopefully ever time anyone came to the door ad putting his head back down when it wasn't the one person he hoped to see.
My suggestion would be that you move and see how well Tess adapts to her new routine before making any decisions.
Could you play some hide and seek games with her or throw a ball for her?
She is part of your life and you are part of hers. Don't deprive yourselves of each other unless you are absolutely certain it's the right thing to do.
Above all don't allow anyone else to persuade you what to do; it's your decision alone. Sue

Rachel Phillips said...

Weave, you ran a similar post to this one in August, I was wondering if I was having déja vu this morning. I think this is worrying you a bit. Maybe when you actually do the move you could let a friend have Tess for a few days until you are settled in the bungalow and then you have her back and see how you feel. I am sure you would miss Tess if you didn't have her but doing it this way would give you the opportunity to try it and see. I hope this suggestion helps you x

Anonymous said...

P S Have just discussed this with my husband who's a biologist. He says if the pack leader is present (you are Tess's pack leader) that's more important than anything else to the dog. If you as thepack leader are content Tess will be content. Sue.

Heather said...

Tess loves you as much as you love her Pat. I am sure she will happily adapt to her new surroundings and as she gets older the shorter walks will be sufficient for her. You can always use the dog walker if you think it necessary. Don't be so hard on yourself and I wish you many more happy years together.x

Rachel Phillips said...

But as you said Beachcomber in your first comment, it is Weaver's decision alone.

Anonymous said...

Dear Madam, I really do understand your dilemma, but Tess is getting older too and she will need less walking in a while. So probably one big walk a day will do for the next few years. Don't you think being in each others company is the most important thing?
The little walks you can do yourself are also important, and good for your well-being as well.
Kind Dutch regards

Mrs LH said...

Hello Pat,
I'm not sure if you've heard of The Cinnamon Trust? This charity exists for the very same reasons as you're describing. The head office is in Cornwall and they have an army of volunteers all over the country (all vetted) who dog-walk, foster or adopt for people in a variety of circumstances. There is a website also for you to have a look if you wish.
It must be a hard decision.
Best wishes.

John Going Gently said...

One proper walk a day for a nine year old dog is fine pat.
The rest of the day she can potter and wee and poo at her heart's content.
That's what I think but the decision is yours xxx

Sue said...

I think you are probably more important to Tess than her walkies. She is also an incentive for you to get out and walk even when everything is hurting.

Penny said...

I agree with John, you need her as much as she needs you. Don't do anything in a hurry.

Tom Stephenson said...

You would not be selfish to take her with you Weave. The wrench apart would not be good for either of you. She would miss you far more than the walks, I bet.

Agatha said...

I’m sure you will find someone able and willing to walk Tess. As already suggested, charities exist to offer this service but also; perhaps someone who has recently lost a dog? Perhaps someone who misses the companionship but doesn’t want the commitment of dog ownership? My recently retired friend lost her dog and does this service for older neighbours.
Good luck and as always thank you for your honest posts they are so uplifting to read (even when sad if this makes sense)

Linda Metcalf said...

It would be so much worse for her to be taken from her human than the country. Mind you she is also aging. I think her heart would be broken.

Wanda said...

I have old and young terriers. The old ones come on long walks because they're worried they might miss something. Left to their own devices they'd much prefer to potter closer to home.
My advice is not whether or not to keep her, it is to wait and make the decision when you have all the facts before you - i.e. AFTER the move. There is a world of difference between coming home to an empty house and coming home to one where a living soul is thrilled to see you. x

Anonymous said...

I have to echo what's been said above. You are good to be thinking about what's best for Tess. But remember: YOU are the most important thing in her life. As the owner of an almost 13-year old Border Terrier, I can tell you that while he's happy to go for short walks, he seems quite content to laze around the house, also, and has for the last few years.

Derek Faulkner said...

I'm surprised that you're saying this again after the other posting on the same subject a few weeks ago, clearly something must be troubling you about it. Having had terriers non-stop for the last 40 years I would say firstly that from nine years onwards they will begin to slow down and two, being with their owner is the most important thing in their life. When I was still working and through the winter months, when it was dark before work and dark after work, I didn't get my two terriers out much other than weekends, but they got by OK and soon adjusted.

Grandmother said...

I think everyone has said very eloquently what I think is right - you need Tess and she needs you. I I think she would be heartbroken if you found a new home for her now.

I think this must be very hard for you, this move from the place you love even if you know you need to move into a place you can manage. It must be very emotional. Be kind to yourself, hang in there, and take Tess with you.

Surely its better to take Tess with you and see how she copes, than to give her away and wish you hadn't when you move. I think you both need each other and love each other too much to be apart.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

For those of us who love our animals but because of aging and/or ill health, have to make plans and decisions for their future, I understand your dilemma.

Jane said...

I hope you decide to keep Tess with you; she will I think struggle to adapt to life without you and vice versa...I don't think you are being selfish at all !

Beverley said...

AT age 9, she is not a young dog, and one good walk a day is more than adequate. As long as you have a secure back garden you can let her out to have a wee, she will adjust easily. Bev

Vivian said...

Imagine all the fantastically new smells that await Tess in town, scents and odors that are unimaginable to a country-bred pup. She will be in doggie paradise!

Athene said...

Keep her and see how it goes. The move is going to be difficult for you both following on from the loss of The Farmer and all the other changes you've had to undergo, so don't compound it by rehoming Tess as well at the same time. If it has to be, then yes of course she'll adapt, but I would try it first and see. Some great suggestions above for ways to get extra walks for her.

Mac n' Janet said...

You'll break her heart if you give her away. She wants you, the walks are just a bonus. We moved our outdoor cats to being inside ones when we moved from Georgia to California. You'll miss her so much if you give her away.
I agree with Athene above, keep her and see how it goes.

Louise Stopford said...

I to agree with all the comments above. This must be worrying you a great deal, but unless you try you will never know how both of you will go on. I know you are worrying about Tess and you must be worrying about your own capabilities as well but you may find you can manage things so much easier in your bungalow and one walk a day will be ample for Tess now. Animals adapt well and sometimes we worry at the thought of things and what actually happens can be quite different and we think "why did we worry in the first place". We have two house cats and a few months ago my husband brought a stray from his workplace that was used to living on the streets for years. Before we gave him a home we worried ourselves so much about were we doing the right thing, would he ever adapt and would our cats accept him. He has made the perfect house cat and is happy to go in the garden when we do and come in when we do. You have got to try and see how you both go on before you make any decisions.

donna baker said...

Pat, I have had the same dilemma with my weenie girls. When I moved to the city I could tell they were waiting to go home to the farm. I don't go back but every two or three months. It has been two years. Instead of the farm, they now prowl the backyard and gardens, though sometimes I see Sister sitting in the sun, looking south, toward the farm. They love me as much as I love them; it really doesn't matter where they are as long as we're together.

Jules said...

I honestly think she will be fine Pat. She's not getting any younger herself. Why not wait until you've moved and see how you both are then, rather than upsetting yourself about something which may not be problem. X

Penhill said...

I commented before but couldn't get past the weird filter.What I said then remains the same Tess will miss you more than long walks.Coming home to a new bungalow without Tess to greet you will make the transition harder for you I am sure.

Sue in Suffolk said...

When we had a dog we used to say she didn't mind what was happening as long as she was with us.
Hope you are able to find a way to decide

jinxxxygirl said...

Pat if you gave her away she would not understand that you were doing it 'for her own good' I feel she would be heartbroken... I feel she would much rather adapt with you than be without you... Thats what people and animals do.. we adapt... I will tell you of one heartbreaking moment of mine than can still send a sharp pain to my heart when i think of it and it happened many years ago... We adopted a dog from the pound... Hubby wanted a dog.... i was not really up for another dog but there she was... Hubby's dog but i fed and bathed her and walked her and soon fell in love with her... Well we had her a few weeks.. long enough for hubby's allergies to react to her and we finally realized we could not keep her... So i put an ad in the paper to find her a home.. I did not want to take her back to the pound... At some point it dawned on me that i could not explain things to her.. In those few weeks hubby had not formed an attachment but i had.. And suddenly i saw things from what must be her point of view...To her i was abandoning her... and she had no idea why... I stood there as that pick up drove away with her looking back at me bawling my eyes out....my heart broken... It was then and there that hubby had to accept his allergies because i'm the one who gets attached to dogs...not him... and then gets my heart broke when i can't keep them..

Pat i really don't think Tess would 'see' it the way you see it... I think she would feel abandoned and she probably already feels like that without the Farmer.. i would not add to her stress by losing you too.. One walk a day.. you'd be surprised how well she will adapt to that.. You will be good company for each other.. Hugs! deb

EM Griffith said...

Dogs are pack animals. To Tess, you're the Alpha... the leader... the one she trusts above all others to keep her safe, warm and fed. While someone else could do those things, I suppose my question is, would it be fair to her (at her age) to expect her to change her pack? Yes, dogs do adapt. They also experience loss, as you know. At her age, is one walk per day not enough? Or will it soon be all she can handle? Are you concerned you won't be able to look after her properly in coming days? While I (and others) think it's best for both of you to keep her with you, only you can answer the important questions. Warm thoughts sent your way!

Cro Magnon said...

I'm sure she'd much prefer to be with you, to having long walks. She would be lost without you; and I'm certain you would be lost without her. No, you should stay together.

Judith said...

Just widowed and moved to a flat, I searched shelters for "a lap dog that did not shed." I met a few but finally lost my heart to a 45 lb hound, all knees an elbows, sheds terribly. He'd been twice surrendered and it took time and patience to earn his trust. We've been together for 8 years, constant companions. I was warned that he'd need lots of excercise, but at 10 years old he does fine with a long walk in the morning, shorter in the afternoon, brief step outside before bed. Think both our hearts would break if he were rehomed. Best wishes to you and Tess in the new chapter in your lives. Judy

Joanne Noragon said...

Which does she prefer, you or the walks? We all know the answer. Keep her.

dindin said...

keep her. she is you and you are her. she will be happy because she is with you.

Marie said...

My dear online friend, don't even think of leaving your dog, she thinks you are the absolute best friend she has and would be lost without you. Can you imagine what she'd think if you were to leave her? She'd wonder what she had done wrong, I'm sure. At least I know that's what my little dog would think, I'll never part with her however I have made arrangements for her, should something happen to me.
Greetings from Canada :)

Sue said...

If she were a younger dog, one of five or less, my answer might be different but I think at her age, knowing that she has been with you since she was a pup, if you are able to manage her she should be with you.

If you have a garden or yard of any type you can make sure it is securely fenced so she can come and go as she needs to, when she needs to and you can have a pottering walk together once a day. Fresh air is good for both of you and being able to explore your new surroundings with her will be fun for both of you.

If you have family or friends visit that like to walk further afield they could borrow her once a week and really tire her out for you. But first and foremost I think being with her beloved mistress, after already losing her master, is all that she needs for her immediate happiness.

justjill said...

Go with the flow. You will soon know if it isnt working. But you have to give it a try.x

Jill said...

I think that ultimately keeping her is the way to go for many reasons. But you do not need to make this decision now. After the move give it some time and see how it is going.

Ruth said...

I truly empathize with your concern - I'm an old lady, and I know I'd feel the same in your shoes. Tess is old, too! She's nearing her retirement, she'll be losing sight and hearing and slowing down if she hasn't already. You belong together. If you must make a decision, as your other friends are telling you, it can be done after your move. Hopefully there will be a safe yard where she can be outside now and then after her walker has exercised her. You'll know much better what to do after you've been in your new home awhile. Things will work out!

The Weaver of Grass said...

Thanks everyone. Sorry to have inflicted this problem upon your heads twice but yes, it is troubling me when I have an off day. The overwhelming evidence and advice is all for keeping her for the time being. I shall do just that.

Bovey Belle said...

A friend of mine worried herself silly when moving from the countryside (where her cats were so happy and were always off hunting!) to the town. She carefully chose a house on a quiet road, for traffic reasons. The cats soon adapted to town life, and didn't roam very far. I am sure that Tess would also adapt. She is not as young as she was and I am sure that it will do YOU good too, having to keep moving each day to take her out, and she wouldn't understand why you had given her up for adoption to someone else (although I dare say she would adapt to that in time). I think it is good for both of you to stay good companions together. You would feel so lonely without her companionship.

libby said...

I am sorry that you are feeling awful with the worry of this...but do not feel bad about yourself at all....you are not selfish.....yet only you can decide ...but my feeling is that you belong together.

Chris said...

Oh no you can't not take her, you're her mum!! She will be fine and at her age one walk a day is enough. Our lively cockapoo at 8 1/2 now only has a walk once a day and is more than happy. Her happiest time is when she is with us in the evenings stretched out in our living room, not walking.

rallentanda said...

Not even a consideration. You would break her heart.I had to go away for a year and left our dog with some wonderful people who even altered their car to fit in a large labrador.We returned home and after a while my dear dog had walked about twenty miles to come back home. It broke my heart to send him back to his new owner. I have never recovered from the experience which was 30 years ago.

walking in beauty carmarthenshire said...

Weaver wait and see what the future brings.
I saw a quote some where, dont remember where .
It said worrying about if.......is the same as paying interest on a loan ,you may not need.I find this helps me to remember to not worry till I am sure I have to.
blessings.

Beacee said...

I regularly see a local lady out walking her dog -on her mobility scooter. There are ways and means - just saying.
Love and prayers whatever you decide.
Barbara

Dartford Warbler said...

Do keep her Weaver. You two belong together. The advice about The Cinnamon Trust is worth looking into. They would help you and Tess if you needed support with her in the future.

Thinking of you in these difficult days as the big move draws nearer. DWx

DUTA said...

If you ask advice for the second time, then there's no dilemma here. You need to simplify your life and that includes parting from Tess.

crafty cat corner said...

I think that you should keep her not only for her well being but for yours. You've had one loss and another might not be the best thing for you. Tess will adapt and remember that she is also getting older and will not need so much exercise as she ages.
But in the end it is your decision.
Briony
x

Midmarsh John said...

Pleased you have decided you belong together. I have no doubt you will find somewhere you can take Tess in the car for a quick sniff round as a treat from time to time.

Alison said...

Our 8 year old Border Collie now mostly gets just 1 long walk per day, when she has a second one it is just a little amble close to home (small town), she spends lots of time in the garden with us if the weather is good, but otherwise alternates napping or playing with us and her vast array of toys. Of course we talk to her all the time so she is constantly stimulated. Keep her for now please and see how you both adjust.
Alison.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Fifty four for keeping her and one against - no contest really. You have made me feel much better. Thank you all for your comments.

R's Rue said...

Bless you.

lynda said...

She's your family...keep her. She would be heartbroken, as would you.

liparifam said...

Oh, my goodness - if she EVER gets a walk, she's luckier than my three poor dogs, lol! I have a fenced yard and a dog door, so they go out as they please, but very rarely walk them. I guess I'm I'm a bad dog-mom, but they seem happy anyway! They also never get bathed, haha :)

susie @ persimmon moon cottage said...

Does your sweet Tess like to play with a ball or doggie toys in the house? Due to severe arthritis in my knees, I am not often able to do long walks with my little dog, but two or three times a day, for about 10 or 15 minutes at a time, he likes to run and play inside of the the house, with me tossing his ball or toy, I chase him around a little, but just laughing at him and cheering him on keeps him running, leaping over his doggie bed, spinning around, fetching and just having a good fun exercise time in the house. Sometimes he just runs around with his toys without my participation. He has stayed in good health, except for some dental issues, and is not overweight. He is 12 1/2 years old now. He does like to go for walks, but now our walks are just around my flower beds and in the yard. He seems to have adjusted very well to the activities I am able to do now. He doesn't get as much territory marked now as he used to, but he seems very happy. I think your Tess will probably adjust to your upcoming new life style, too.

thousandflower said...

I think you should keep her unless, after the fact, it becomes obviously a bad thing. Yes, she is tied to the farm. She is also tied to you. And that is probably more important to her. She is getting older herself and will be slowing down. Give it a try. Give the two of you a chance to grow older together. Have a plan b to fall back on if it doesn't work out.

Love to both of you.

Unknown said...

We have a border cross terrier who we adopted at 4. When we got him he loved long walks (4 miles plus) and plus any short walks going. 7 years on and he now manages one short walk a day and then tucks himself up for a nice sleep - and that has been the case for several years now. Having arranged a dog walker you are doing her justice. Altho our dog has settled in and loves us dearly, if he ever sees a man wearing a flat cap in the street he always insists on checking him out, and we think his last owner must have worn one. So they don't forget. I'm sure Tess would choose you because she loves you.
ps and you're very good at making networks so who is to say once you're in town you might not find someone who'd love to give Tess a quick spin after school say? Cathy

Bonnie said...

That's so true, especially of Terriers.Please don't rehome her 😣

Fairtrader said...

Dear Pat!
We are talking Borderterrier here, they are faithful and sturdy, they are also easy to adapt. Her central point in life is you, where you are she belongs. Life will be different in a bungalow in town, but as long as you are there, it will be quite alright. I can understand your worries, but I think you love her very dearly, she's been with you since puppydays, you are the only family she has now and you have friends to help you out! Besides, its change enough to leave the farm, maybe you need to keep a string between that life and life in town, it can't be selfish, its wise. I'm too far away, otherwise I would have taken turns with the long walk!!

UplayOnline said...

I think your Tess will probably adjust to your upcoming new life style, too.


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Terry and Linda said...

Don't rehome her, she has loved you all her life...and you her, you both need each other.