Wednesday, 7 October 2015

Sexist or what?

Why are some men such sexist ............... (don't try to add a word for the dots, I have just put a lot to allow you to insert you own word.)

Tom Jones has had the affrontery to say that his wife of 58 years (and before you say 'what a marvellous long marriage, I should point out that he has had numerous sexual dalliances, which he has called 'fun and games') has lost her sparkle, doesn't like going out, refuses to have a home hairdresser, smokes like a chimney and has suffered from depression most of her life.

There are two issues here for me.   Firstly - what does he expect, does he think she will be jumping for joy; does he think that she will go out and about with confidence (she needs a stair life by the way) while people judge her and agree with Tom Jones that she has indeed 'let herself go'?  Secondly - why has she stayed with him all these years?

He says that he has a photograph of her as she was in her youth and he keeps it with him always.   When he speaks to her on the phone they talk like they are young again.  They are still very much in love.   Well, he has a nice way of showing it and saying it.

Carol Midgley in today's Times says that how folk conduct their marriage is nobody's business but theirs.  I disagree when the person involved is somebody so in the public eye as he is.   What kind of a role model is he?   Alright, he is an oldie so probably no role model for the young, but he does still strut around the stage in his very tight trousers, saying a lot without ever having to open his mouth, and I for one don't like it one little bit.

Am I wrong in being judgemental?


Dawn said...

He should recognize that depression is an illness she has no control over it, with the money he has he should be able to get the best treatment for her, loss of sparkle not socialising unkempt appearance heavy smoking all signs of depression, I shouldn't think his behavior or attitude towards has helped one little bit.

Frugal in Derbyshire said...

I'd be depressed if I was married to someone who was as serially unfaithful and big-headed as him!

A Heron's View said...

Pat, there are a variety of reasons why some men are sexist and I am unable to list all of them, so just a few ideas then: Some men are totally un-appreciative of other people per se, others are unable to perceive that women are equal, some have an immature outlook on gender. I have heard others say that sexist traits were learnt during childhood and that may be true however, it is also an excuse because we can all re-educate ourselves and make changes.
I agree with Dawn McHugh & Frugal in Derbyshire.
Only Mrs Jones can say why she is still Mrs Jones.
When I looked at the photograph of Mrs and Mr Jones stood together, all that I saw was an elderly couple.

Elizabeth said...

I echo all of the above. I do think in N Europe and the US men are evolving a bit.
For example young women can walk past building sites without being whistled at.
Poor Mrs. Jones does really sound depressed and her husband immature and unrealistic.
I do not think many women in their 60's and 70's can be 'hot babes'.
Didn't work for the splendid AB/FAB duo!

Cro Magnon said...

I really have no comment about Mr Jones's marriage. All I know is that he was a very popular singer, and that one should not expect anything more.

Joanne Noragon said...

Tom is not too easy on the eyes, either. It seems his compassion is of the same poor quality.

donna baker said...

I think he's trying to justify all his affairs, in essence, blaming his wife for his dalliances.

Rachel Phillips said...

He was recently in the BBC The Voice series as a judge and coach over many weeks. He was always kind to the young singers and performers and did not show a bad bone in his body. He was popular and acted his age. I think you are wrong to judge him in this way. He who is without sin cast the first stone. Remember the parable.

Heather said...

I suppose he is constantly surrounded by very 'sparkly' women and a stay-at-home wife of 58 years standing can't hope to compete. I hadn't heard of his dalliances and admired him for his long marriage but this is a sad state of affairs and he should help and support his wife through her depression.

Terry and Linda said...

I think people are very slow to understand that depression is a very real thing..I was going to write more, but erased it.


JoAnn ( Scene Through My Eyes) said...

Just because a person is kind, popular and acts his age for a large fee on a television show is no reason to give him credit for being a nice person. His statement about his wife says it all - he's a boring cad with no sense of propriety and a lout and a slug. He should be concerned about why his wife is depressed - could be his public affairs with other women, he must make her feel so bad about herself.

Mac n' Janet said...

Never much of a fan of his anyway, he sounds awful. Poor wife.

the veg artist said...

I knew a couple who split up after the husband was promoted to a managerial position. His wife openly admitted that it was not what she had signed up for. She felt that she couldn't just be herself anymore, and couldn't share his love of prestige houses and cars - and telling people what to do.
I've always assumed that something similar happened in the Jones household. They married and became parents very young (16). The Welsh valleys have very tightly knit communities, and his fame projected them out of this, and, perhaps, out of her comfort zone. I'm not excusing the affairs, but they have always stuck together, and, from the sound of it, still love each other deeply. Perhaps 'losing her spark' is a kinder way of saying that his wife has, for perhaps many years, been suffering from clinical depression? If she wants to live a quiet life, isn't that up to her?

The History Anorak said...

I think he needs to take a look in the mirror and see how far down hill he's gone in 50 years as well.
Compare this

The Weaver of Grass said...

The Veg artist's comment is very interesting. Perhaps we all rush in to judge,as Rachel says. Perhaps I was too harsh in my condemnation. An interesting discussion - I love them and feel it is the really good thing about blogging - and to some extent it has changed my feeling, although I still can't forgive him altogether. Thanks for your contribution.

angryparsnip said...

You can think what you want. Plus I am with you on this one. I don't think you were harsh.

As I have read the other comments but one that sticks in my mind was the one who said
he with out sin cast the first stone, I have read some of her comments....
especially at me. Casting the first stone ummmmmmmmmmm
Being nice on TV is acting.

He is a rich old man who had many affairs and expect his wife to go along with what ever he does. He is a huge black hole that sucks everything and everyone into it. If he does it then it is OK.
She maybe did not sign up for all of this. Years of his cheating can wear anyone down. Where is his compassion and love (?) for this woman, his wife, after all these years.
Plus he is the one who brought this up, instead of helping her out ?
Or sounding like it is her fault for all his affairs.

cheers, parsnip

Rachel Phillips said...

There is no need to refer to me like that angryparsnip. Leave your comment by all means, disagree, but leave me out of it. And I have got a name, Rachel, not "her". Very rude if you ask me. And I might add me and Weave are great friends.

angryparsnip said...

I am glad you, are great friends with Weaver.
Weaver is terrific and we are friend too.

But how rude is it to to tell some one to change her avatar name which you did to me ?
Sorry I offended you by not using your name but is it OK for you to offend me ?
And I used the word "her" as in her comment. Sometimes I type to fast and was referring to Weavers comment.
Many comments refer to other comments. I see you leaving comments on other comments.
From now on truce.
I just will just skip over your comments as I have been doing till today.

cheers, parsnip

Rachel Phillips said...

I actually made a friendly suggestion that you might like to drop the word angry. At the time you may recall you explained your answer to me in a friendly way, that others too had talked about this to you but you had decided not to. Please refrain from attacking me. I am a nice person if only you took the time to see that. I can see that angry you are.

angryparsnip said...

Thank You for your commrnt.
Not angry just a funny name.
I tried to answer you in a friendly way because I didn't want to come off angry.
But to me you came off mean to me.
People ask about my name but never ask to change it.
That is what happens when you can't hear the voice.
Crossed wires

cheers, parsnip

sonia said...

I suppose I hold no heroes and try not to listen/read about celebs. They always seem to disappoint.

Frances said...

Didn't I read somewhere that Tom Jones has been replaced on The Voice by Boy George?

Maybe no connection to the topic of this post, Weaver, but interesting....

The Weaver of Grass said...

Phew - glad that is all over.
How easy it is to hurt someone on a blog - even by accident.
But I have so enjoyed reading all your comments. Thanks for them