Monday 20 August 2018

A Question.

Derek suggested I asked you all a question.    So  I shall ask it, although I have often thought about it in the past and don't think there is an answer really.

He asks - as we age are we in the position we expected to be in when we were young?    Have we fulfilled our expectations for ourselves and if not then in what way have we failed?    Are we in a better position, a worse position or just a different position from the one we envisaged ?  Or, I suppose, following on from the question I asked on here a few weeks ago, have we followed the road we expected and maybe do we now wish we had explored the road not taken?

Looking at this question from my own point of view then I am not sure that I looked all that far ahead when I was young.   Maybe some young people plot out their lives - their possible career paths - their way through life.   But I dont think I did for a minute.   And surely things happen to us all which make us change course.   For example, my Grand daughter was teaching and was very enthusiastic and loved it.   Then she became pregnant, gave birth to a baby girl, absolutely loved motherhood and has never gone back to teaching but has stayed at home. A stay-at-home Mum, a rarity these days.
Did you plot your approximate way through life and if so did you stick to it, or were you side tracked?

36 comments:

EM Griffith said...

When I was young, like you Weave, I don't remember having any clear picture of what my life would be in my late 50s. I wanted to marry and have children and did so. My sons are 31 and 25, so I suppose I expected to be a grandmother by now, which hasn't happened. Life is a journey... often with scenic side roads, detours or surprises. There have been any number of surprises in my life.

jinxxxygirl said...

Side tracked with having a child at 20... I did not have my life completely mapped out but i did have a direction in mind.. My early adulthood was very chaotic and it will suffice to say that i'am just thankful i landed on my feet.. I saw myself becoming a veterinarian or some such... most definitely something to do with animals.. Instead i worked a series of menial jobs and raised my child.. Married to a wonderful man for 30 years.. married in Denmark... traveled in Europe ... lived on both coasts of the US and places between.. So no i did not end up where i imagined but landed somewhere more beautiful than my imagination....Hugs! deb

Gwil W said...

When I look back over 70 years I can say many unexpected events and strange happenings and coincidences have broight me to where I am today. An old woman read my palm 50 years ago and with uncanny accuracy.

John "By Stargoose And Hanglands" said...

Life mapped out? I haven't a clue what I'll be doing tomorrow!

Sue in Suffolk said...

Through teenage years I had no idea but From the age of about 25 I wanted a self sufficient smallholding, having 3 children held things up a bit but 7 house moves got us there in the end.
What I didn't see or want was illness and being on my own much too soon.

Bea said...

I never thought much about the future when I was younger. I can say with certainty that as a teenager, I never thought I would have gone to university & never thought that I would have lived abroad. As it turned out, I did both.

justjill said...

Never had a plan. Very varied life, taking opportunities when offered got qualifications. One in Trading Standards, the other as a Nursery Nurse, NNEB. Married, after some considerable practice, 4 kids, supermarket checkout, Inspector of Childrens Day Care, Market research. child minder, playgroup leader, ran a b&b - no particular order. I do not ever regret anything. My mantra. Nearly 70.

donna baker said...

I would change everything Pat.

Wilma said...

I knew from the age of 7 that I wanted to be a scientist (a very broad dream) and yes that did happen, eventually. The path was meandering and scenic plus a year of angst from a bad first marriage that almost derailed me. Second marriage was/is happy. Knew I did NOT want children and yes that did not happen; we are quite delighted to be on our own for 36 years and counting. Even though the vague outline was followed, there was never a specific plan. I just followed what I wanted or was that I wanted what i found? Some of both. Food for thought, Weaver. Love reading your posts and how your readers comment.

Mac n' Janet said...

I had no plan, but it's all turned out better than I could have dreamed. Married at 18, approaching our 53 anniversary, a daughter who means the world to us. Living in Europe when Mac was in the Army, finally finishing college in my 40's and teaching. We retired to Georgia and have been surprised how wonderful it's been. Even with the health problems this year it's been wonderful.

the veg artist said...

I was orphaned at 12, and brought up from then by my older siblings until I was 18. I always knew that I had to start earning money to keep myself then, and did. Financially, I suppose I've done way better than I could have expected, even though I didn't particularly enjoy the career I found myself in. Healthwise, things could have been better, as I have a painful condition that keeps me at home, but I'm not ill.
I do believe that we make decisions based on the information available to us at the time, so I tend not to regret things, or see them as mistakes. Overall, I am very happy with the way life has turned out.

angryparsnip said...

I studied commercial design in University and always wanted to design children's books.
I married, had wonderful children but after all the years of supporting my husband, he walked out on me and the children.
That didn't work out but I am so happy to be able to live where I am now, even with all the health problems.

cheers, parsnip and badger

Tom Stephenson said...

Tangent, side-track, tangent, side-track. An 18th century romp without the humour or romance. No planning whatsoever, including family. A humourless farce from beginning to end, and that's the sum of it.

Chris said...

An unfortunate event sent me back to work after ostensibly retiring, and I revitalized my career in a thoroughly fulfilling way. This led to a better pension so things definitely worked out better for me than I had imagined!

Gail, northern California said...

A family friend called and asked if I would like to go waterskiing. Unbeknownst to me he had also invited his neighbor's son. I was 15, he was 20. My mother, understandably, did not approve of what she could see blossoming, and we were forced to part ways.

Ten years hence that same family friend called and said, "Guess who's back in town?" Believe it or not, I called him to ask if we could see each other.

He had married, had a son, and was now divorced. I had married, had a daughter, and was now divorced.

Married in 1970, we had 43 glorious years together before he died. Were we always meant to be together? Was it our destiny? Was the timing simply off in the beginning? I only know I was forever grateful to that family friend who brought us together TWICE and gave me the love of my life.

Amy said...

I knew that I didn't want children from an early age. My second marriage is to a wonderful man and father of 3 delightful daughters. We now have 2 grandchildren and I absolutely love being a grandma. It is the most joyful thing I have ever felt. I definitely wasn't expecting that!! I am truly grateful for where I am now.

Red said...

I really didn't plan. If you became a teacher there was a rut that you followed. One thing I didn't realize was how many opportunities were open to me. My career was in the best of times. Jobs were a dime a dozen and the pay was good.

Granny Sue said...

I wanted a career and college and to be a writer; my parents thought girls should get married and "settle down." So I did that first, but after 4 sons in 5 years, I had another dream--to have small homestead in the mountains. I achieved that dream through a lot of hard, hard work, but there was never enough money. So I went to work, my first husband left, and I remarried, had another son and then finally went to college. I thought I wanted to be a teacher then, but ended up with a Masters in library science and a 20 year library career. Now I am doing what I really wanted to do when I was 23: have a small homestead with chickens, bees and gardens, and time to write. The unexpected part was the storytelling career. I never expected to do anything like that but it has been the most superb adventure and has taken me places I never thought I'd see.

Bonnie said...

I did not plan my life at all and made a series of mistakes but I survived although it was difficult much of the time. If I could do it all over I would do it differently except I would not trade my children for anything. Now, in retirement we are comfortable and although a larger income would be helpful we own our small home and have the basics we need so I am grateful. Life is funny. When we're young we think life is forever. Then we get older and discover it's not.

Cro Magnon said...

Professionally I didn't try hard enough, but otherwise I would have been very surprised by how it's all panned out. A few wise investments when I was younger have given me a very good standard of living, in a place I love, and I can't see it ending (unless I'm kicked out post Brexit).

Librarian said...

I certainly did not plan to become a Data Protection Officer - I had no idea this kind of job even existed when it was my time to choose what to do after school!
As for life outside work, I definitely did not expect to end up divorced once and widowed once, at the age of 41.
One thing I did consciously decide when I was still a little girl and stick to it (and have never regretted it) was that I did not want children.
I never sat down and imagined myself in 10, 20 or 30 years "from now". But I remember I thought about how old I was going to be in the year 2000 - 32, and that sounded VERY grown-up and serious. The year 2000 came round, I was 32, and felt exactly as I had felt in 1999 :-)

Derek Faulkner said...

Interesting so far, that so few people had or achieved a life plan. When I was a teenager in the so-called Swinging Sixties, enjoying many of the excesses of that time, living to my current age of 71 seemed about as achievable as flying to the moon and so I dismissed it with no plans. I had several jobs and was rebellious but then getting married aged 23, changed my priorities and I started one of only two constant things in my adult life, my job in Sheerness Docks and the fact that I wanted no children. As I trundled through three divorces and into late middle age I did set one target for myself in later life, that I would take early retirement at 60 and I did achieve that, age 59. Twelve years later, I am still nicely comfortable money wise and living on my own a lot of the time, which suits me fine.

thelma said...

I think achieving a life plan is almost impossible Derek, life throws so many curved balls our way. I never knew what I wanted at the beginning and still don't! But along the way I have experienced widowhood, divorce and a not very good childhood, but on the plus side two children and four grand kids.
Happiness can only be experienced by its opposite unhappiness, or we would not know the difference.

Heather said...

I didn't think much about the future when I was very young, though having been asked what I wanted to do when I grew up I apparently replied: 'be a Mummy'! I achieved that ambition by having 5 children and was a stay at home Mum because we couldn't have afforded the necessary child care. My only regret, though small, is that I didn't work harder at school. But then, I might have chosen a different path and missed having those 5 lovely children.

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wherethejourneytakesme said...

Just having a catch up in blogland and thought your post quite thought provoking but I can say that I have achieved the main aims of my childhood dreams. I always wanted to be a fashion designer from age 8 as I loved sewing and cobbled together little outfits for myself and my dolls with my gran's scraps from her scrap bin and bag of bits she bought me off the Sheffield Rag and Tag market (she was a tailoress). Even at school they did not manage to persuade me otherwise no matter how much they told me it would be too difficult to go into. I spent most of my time at secondary school with a piece of sewing on my knee under the desk during lesson time! Finally on a Foundation Art course I found someone who believed in me - Mr Cauper - so thank you Mr Cauper for helping me fulfill my dreams and obtaining my degree. I absolutely loved my job - I eventually worked for Maudella patterns in Bradford which later became New Look Patterns - still going today - and then went on to have my own business making wedding dresses. The fact that I have just finished 19 years as a Costs Clerk in Legal Aid has been a bit of a deviation in later years - but I still love sewing and making.
Now I have just left work I need some new dream to aim for I think - or do I just let life take its course and see what happens!

Derek Faulkner said...

Thanks for taking up that suggestion Pat, it has provoked a number of interesting comments that have been enjoyable reading.

Simone said...

I've never had a plan and now dread what my old age may bring. My son, just turned 20 has a list of what he wants to have achieved by the time he is 25.

Ivy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ivy said...

I wanted a career, which I had until recently.
Always liked the idea of becoming a wife and mother, which also happened. The way the marriage ended was not how I had foreseen: into a divorce.
My son grew up the way I (we) wished.
Then I wanted to be into another happy relationship, not necessarily a marriage. This happened also, though my partner died after only 2,5 years. It had never occurred to me that this could happen so soon after we met.
Once again: I hoped to get a new partner and I did! We have been very happily married for 5 years next month.

Life cannot be planned or foreseen. Take your chances, don't be afraid and try to deal with sadness too, because this is inevitable.

If you want to read my recent post about my internet dating adventures:

https://ruraltownliving.blogspot.com/2018/08/internet-dating.html

(It is a Dutch blog, but the greater part of it has been translated into English as well.)

liparifam said...

Definitely sidetracked. I married young, in college; I was actually the better student, but then let myself give up attending law school so my husband could pursue his career, which required many moves and much traveling. I worked part-time for years, but never had a "career" as I did all the childcare and everything around the house as well. That was all fine until he announced he wanted a divorce totally out of the blue after 26 years. Starting over hasn't been easy. Although life is pretty good, and I am blessed in many ways, I absolutely do have many regrets and often wish I could have a "do-over"; I feel like I had a lot of potential that has been wasted, and now it is too late to do the things I was capable of...

Bettina Groh said...

Life was pretty much as expected... stay at home Mom, crafty person ( bear artist) three grown children proceeding as hoped 2 grandchildren. But then life took a huge shift... my eldest ( son) was killed on the interstate highway while helping another accident victim. Then one of his cats which we had adopted tripped me breaking my thigh in 4 pieces. This resulted in a long drawn out recovery.
Our son's death left a huge gap in our family and my slow recovery process didn't help.We are all trying to come to grips. This year has been awful... next year has to be better for all of us!

Virginia said...

Life has been good to me, and fairly much as I thought it would be.

I married a delightful academic who held very similar values to mine and we've lived happily in the same suburb for over 40 years with a stable group of friends. I have taught, and loved every day of that, but had to stop because of medical treatment. The teaching and the stable marriage I had foreseen.

However I hadn't thought about grandchildren, of whom we have two (3 and 6m) and I had never thought how fascinating it is to be part of shaping another generation. We have the elder a day and a half a week and do wonderful things together. Museums, art galleries, gardens, play parks, books, jigsaw puzzles, baking together, messy paint... it is such fun! These early years will pass all too quickly, and school and friends will take our place. What next, after that? Perhaps more travel.

What an interesting topic Weaver. At a non-church church group I've been prt of for 20 years last week's topic was 5th commandment, Adultery, and after a fascinating discussion (adultery was about ownership -by the male- of women and children rather than about sex) I realised that all of our university friends are still happily married! Not that common in this day and age!

Sharon in Surrey said...

What a great question to ask!! I don't think there's many of us who end up exactly where they planned, life has so many twists & turns. . . . . I started out as the 'smart one' in the family & dropped up out of school before completing grade 12. I always knew I didn't want kids - was the oldest of 6, I was over kids!! - & always loved Paleontology. I also didn't like to owe money so I spent the rest of my life working & going to university - part time!! Unfortunately, I couldn't concentrate on one thing to study & took everything that interested me!! Hahahah. So much for the 5 year plan & the 10 year plan, I never actually finished an advanced degree! I ended up as a small business bookkeeper & am currently taking another course in Paleontology - Early Marine Reptiles. I also knit socks for everyone I know. I am currently semi-retired, on a pension & work part time. Did life turn out as I expected?? Absolutely not. Several times I had a house full of kids & almost ended up with a couple permanently!! But it's been interesting, expensive & educational. Would I change anything?? Only one - I should never have listened to that gorgeous nordic hunk who talked me out of going to university full time in my early 20s.

Judyk2310 said...

I didn't plan my life but somehow in retirement I've ended up with a house, car and enough money to live on and do some traveling. The one thing that I did not realize is that as we age we become invisible to so many people younger than us. But I will say that I'm very rich in friends and family and that was something I hadn't thought about as I aged. It sounds like you are rich in friends and family also. What a joy our friends make in our life.

Daisy Debs said...

Hello , I had a chuckle reading your blog this afternoon :) You always cheer me up ! My mother enjoyed being a stay at home mother and I made up my mind that was what I wanted for my children ..so that is what I did ..and I have loved every minute of it ! :)