Polly Vernon writes today in Times 2 about growing up in an "idyllic fishing town on the River Exe" - a quiet, unspoilt town where everybody knew everybody.
Sounds wonderful doesn't it? Except that she loathed it and couldn't wait to get herself off to the life of London.
I grew up in a Lincolnshire village of about two hundred souls on the banks of the slowly moving River Witham - a quiet, unspoilt village where everybody knew everybody. I found it quite exciting to leave when I married and move a mere three and a half miles away to the life of the cathedral city of Lincoln.
There any similarities between the two of us ends. I loved my country life. I knew every house in the village and, because I pushed my only doll in her pram (I call my doll 'her' but don't think there were any 'identifying features') every evening in Summer to meet my Dad and brother, I passed a good few of the houses and according to my family I could "talk the hind leg off a donkey" so talk to everyone I did, and cadged a few goodies on the way. It was very much a Methodist village so most folk went to chapel on a Sunday and from the age of 10 I played the organ for services. In other words - not much went on that muggins here didn't know about.
From there to Lincoln was a small move - I had gone to the Girls' High School in Lincoln and one set of Grandparents lived there.
Then another very countryside move - only about 25 cottages in my next Lincolnshire village and me with a small baby. (and a Yorkshire terrier - and a husband of course). Everybody knew everybody but too small a village for all that much gossip.
After that Lichfield - another cathedral city but much smaller - and here's a major difference - by then it was college as a mature student and then teaching. When you work you have little or no time for gossip about the neighbours and their doings.
Wolverhampton followed for 17 years of working in a large Comprehensive School. I knew my immediate neighbours but no-one else in our little road. Friends were fellow musicians and free time spent walking in nearby Shropshire Hills.
And so - since 1987 - here in the Yorkshire Dales - first in a small village (joined local societies, was president of local W I, went to various craft clubs), then after the death of my first husband to a fairly isolated farm (Friday Auction Mart plus the weekly edition of the Darlington and Stockton Times kept everyone up to date on gossip/news)with the farmer.
Now into the nearby little Dales town and housebound. Here the best of both worlds - little town, in the country (my garden backs on to wide open fields, walk over three of them and I would be back at the farm I lived on for 23 years - same rooks or their offspring fly over at daybreak every day.
Big town/city/London? No thanks. A few Wolverhampton years (well 'few' of my 91) was good in that Opera/Ballet/Plays/Exhibitions on my doorstep (15 miles to Birmingham) were available as were music groups galore.
Now, cosy and snug in my bungalow, I know many of the folk on my estate, How? Get a dog. Tess, my dearly loved Border Terrier and I walked the paths on the estate twice a day when I first moved here 6 years ago. Every dog lover loves to chat 'dogs' and dogs, on the whole, once the original 'bottom sniff' is done with, are happy to communicate with one another too.
From my window I see trees, gardens, birds, folk going past (many of whom give me a wave if they see me) - all keep me amused. Gossip, 'social claustrophobia', (everyone knows everyone else's business) as Polly Vernon says in her article? Oh yes. It exists in this little town for sure - as it does everywhere now with facebook I suspect. How do I get it? My carers are local. They keep me up to date!
Are you a bumpkin? Are you a townie? If so why? Do tell.
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55 comments:
Interesting post as always. Growing up we moved a LOT. Often I would attend two schools in one year but always a different school every year. Stepdad was a wanderer and Mom just went along with me in tow. Sisters grown with families of their own. I married a farmer and lived on a farm for 20 years. I felt so fortunate that my son could attend the same school for his entire K-12 years. Left the farm when son went to college and moved to the state capitol (Indianapolis, IN). Big change but I loved it. Later jobs took us to another small town in Iowa but did not know anyone so not the same experience as the other small town. Job transfer south (Georgia) and decided to buy a place in the country again. After about 10 years realized we needed to be closer to amenities. Retired now in a large suburb. Swings and roundabouts as they say! There is always a tradeoff and it is very convenient here. No such thing as perfect, I say. Jackie.
I'm definitely a bumkin, have spent all of my 76 years in or on the edge of the countryside. There's nothing like big skies and wide open views across countryside and to this day I hate being in places like London.
Bumpkin through and through. Don't need to know anyone else's business, but do need to feel connected to the community in ways that don't often happen in cities and big towns. Had the rare experience of living in a marina in the middle of London for 15 years and found a community there. People who lived in flats around the marina were apparently envious of our community as they watched us interact with our neighbours, socialize together etc. (One stopped me in a supermarket one day - in a remarkable departure from 'mind your own business' - explained where they lived and said they recognized me as one of the boatdwellers and then commented how much they wished they had such a community. Strange don't you think?)
I'am a bumpkin living in a town.. I've had my wonderful bumpkin years but currently and possibly for the rest of my life i will be a townie making frequent trips to Bumpkin Land taking it all in.. Hugs! debs
I’m living with a Bumkin on the edge of a market town. He is joyful that we will soon be moving to a Lincolnshire Hamlet. I do hope it’s a dream come true for both of us and our BT 🤞🏻Emma
I sp enjoy your blog. It's always very interesting. I live in the US in a metropolitan area. Getting a look in to your very different life is fascinating.
thanks for your blog.
Townie all my life as I lived until age 11 in Memphis, Tennessee, then moved with parents to suburban Chicago when International Harvester transferred my Dad. Back to Memphis after high school so I could attend nursing school, married, had 2 sons (still have them!), and in 1987 we moved to Louisville, Kentucky so DH could attend graduate school, then to 10 long, hot years in Texas (where I became a quilter!!) before coming back to green countryside outside Richmond, Virginia.
I continue to love your most interesting and varied blog, Pat!
Hugs!
I grew up in a small town, big enough to have shops for everything, even an M&S and Woolworths, and clubs of every kind. But I wouldn't want to be there now because nearly all of it is gone, with little sense of community. So, village for me now, but as it is not self-contained them a car is needed.
Apart from 3 years at university in London - seemed a good idea at the time - I've lived all my life in the countryside. I've always felt that village gossip gets a very bad press. I remember in particular when my father died; my mother had a succession of visitors offering just the kind of support that mum needed at the time. It soon became clear to me that she was never overwhelmed with visitors and that there was some planning going on behind the scenes - the result of the local gossip network.
It is very difficult for me to say because there are different categories of rural life. I grew up on an isolated farm. At the time I would have called village life a very different rural way of life to what I had in the middle on nowhere. I couldn't wait to leave at 16 and go to London. Over the years I have lived in big cities, north and south but I am now back in an isolated rural area with a scattered village and have come full circle. I suppose I have always been pulled back to country life and although life in a town or village or city would help me now that I am older when I think about it I cannot imagine not living the way I do. City life can also have a community spirit centred around a few streets and shouldn't be dismissed as being far removed from rural life, it is actually very similar except for the buildings.
I grew up in Wolverhampton, or at least on its outskirts, and as we both know there was hardly any green countryside between the small towns. So always longed for that cottage in the countryside. Though having spent about 30 years in Bath, I quite like the town/countryside aspect of Bath.
I couldn’t live in the middle of nowhere
I couldn’t live without other people around
I couldn’t live more than half an hour away from a city
Would love to know where your Lincolnshire hamlet is Emma.
Weave, this is a fascinating insight to your life and the way you moved around through the different phases of your life. I have lived in both small towns and cities here in Australia. I would no longer live in a large capital city, although I imagine a trendy inner-city life where the small neighbourhoods of shops and cafes form part of your community. I miss that aspect of city-life. I am not sure I could return to remote rural life either. Like you my life has moved around through my father’s work, my own work and marriages. Now that I am ready to transition into retirement, I have spent some time closer to my aging mother. The town I left for the city some 35 years ago in my eyes has not changed, but that is unfair criticism I am sure. What has changed is me, through a life of circumstances and decisions along the way, each significant at the time. Thank you for eliciting such reflection from your readers, like your columnist in the Times. Your blog is just as impactful.
Husband and I moved as young marrieds, and then later with our daughter to places city and country as part of the contract system of teaching where permanent placements by the State Education system were replaced by this impermanent and insecure method of employment instigated at the time of our graduation, late 1970's.
I guess I am a 'townie-kin' as I like both equally and have seen the advantages and disadvantages of both. Early history of husband and self is growing up in two post-war suburbs, not far from each other, where our parents ( very different types of people) were firmly planted, refusing to move anywhere. -Pam, Sth Aust.
Bumpkin here. I was born in a tiny house in the country, then we moved to a small town when I was 5. I married at 17 and moved to the country after a year in a city apartment. 5 years in that country house made me long for more land. We moved here to West Virginia and spent 2 years in a townhouse until we had found our land and built the house I still live in, 47 years later. I like to visit cities, but this is my sanctuary. And I pretty much know everyone, or know of them, within about a 5 mile radius.
I'm a country girl through and through. I enjoyed living in Norwich which fifty years ago was a charming city with plenty of interesting places to stroll. Was not happy in the other two cities I lived in because of work. In the country for the last 10 yrs but moving into town due to health. I hope it will be O.K.
I have moved around so much...35 times in 70 years..but I know where I am happiest..in the country, with community.
It is good to have experienced both ends of the scale as you have Weave..but...no housing estates for me please!
I grew up a small town girl in N. California. Moved to a busy suburban area of S. California in my teens. Moved to Los Angeles when I married then onto a small town when our babies were born. Next move was to a rural small town in the high Desert of S. California. Now in retirement we have settled into a small lakeside town 30 miles from Ft. Worth Texas. I must say I have always like the slower pace of small towns and we are very content here. So I guess I must be a bumpkin.
P.S. I love all your posts and look forward to each of them, but your reminiscing ones speak to my heart.
I've been a townie living in Chicago suburbs for most of my life. I met many people through my children - their friends' families and school volunteering. I am lucky to have my siblings living near and am still in touch with friends from high school. The town I live in now was 14,000 people when we moved here years ago but has grown to a city of 150,000! So a lot has changed but I am used to this area and hope to stay here.
I love the countryside. I grew up in the country and although I have lived in various parts of England, in the slightly more urban areas I always missed the countryside. I do like London but haven't been there for many years - too exhausting now - but it is full of interesting sights, theatres, and other attractions. However, I was always happy to return home to the country.
Born a bumpkin, lived in the coutryside or on the edges of small market towns ever since. I would happily live on the top of a mountain on my own but it's not practical. Our garden backs onto woodland, so we have the best of both worlds - town living (what's left of the town when most of it has shut!), mains gas and a semi-rural outdoors. And lovely neighbours!
Definitely a bumpkin. When I had to go to a big city I took my daughter along to watch out for us.
I have been both, and I loved them both. The suburbs of Washington DC, Seoul, Honolulu, San Antonio, Midland Michigan, Alexandria Virginia. I have lived in the woods and I loved that too. I enjoyed big cities for all the things that there were to do. I enjoyed the small towns for the safety it provided when my children were growing up. I liked the woods for the quiet. There is some sort of wonder to be discovered where ever you are. Now I am 66 and we are preparing to move back to the woods once again. I don't imagine I will move again after that, but I don't expect that I'll be unhappy to be there.
I love your remininsces, you old muggins, you!
When I left college I bought a house on the Shropshire/Wales border. We had both a small baby and a terrier dog. When we went shopping in our nearby town, it was almost impossible to move more than a couple of yards without someone cooing at the baby or stroking the dog. I had never known such open friendship like that before.
Where do i live ? It's been likened both to "The arse end of the World" and "God's own Country. It's a remote place this West Coast set amidst rainforest, rivers, lakes, waterfalls, rugged mountains and endless Rain. No Traffic lights, Shopping arcades, or Macdonalds and entailing a 5 hour round trip to "Civilization" . This is where I live and I call it Home.
I like my hometown, where I was born and still live, went to school, had my first job and so on. It is not a big city, we have only recently crossed the 80,000 mark, and I can be out on the fields within 10 minutes. I also can be in the town centre within minutes, under 10 to the train station, under five to the nearest bakery, supermarket etc. Never having had a car, it is vital for me to reach everything I need on foot or by public transport.
I also like O.K.‘s village, where he grew up and his mother‘s side of the family are from. Through his being a member of the village band, we know many people here, and there is a real sense of community. Also, the Black Forest starts right behind the village.
I like that I have the best of both worlds. I'm not sure I could live for any length of time in a city. Xx
Forgot to add Weave, that we are now living close to the two remaining oldies - My mother and his, in the areas we all know so well, coming full circle after many many moves on our part.
The mothers will be 96 soon and struggling a bit. - Pam, S. Aust.
Librarian - sounds as though you have the best of both worlds.
Tasker - sounds perfect to me. I feel just the same
about here though we can't live all that far apart - at least we are in God's Own Country.
John Going Gently - very succinct summing up - yes that is exactly you!
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Rachel - I do think social mobility has perhaps contributed to that 'closeness of families in town streets'disappearing. When I was a child my father's family lived in Lincoln and his various brothers and sisters - and later their offspring, all lived near - perhaps just one street way. Cars, jobs, education - all contributed I think to folk moving away
What an interesting lot of potted life stories here. Thank you very much for giving me such a good read on such a horrible wet and windy day.
Close communities still exist in cities and towns, fear not Weave.
Close community especially here in Tod. Everyone knows each other through schools and family histories and the graveyards are kept spic and span.
What a fascinating post, your history in a nutshell of wonderful locations.
Am I a townie or a country bumpkin ... well my first blog covered my journey from one to the other. Before we moved onto our various farms and small holdings I started off a big city girl. Working in the city centre of Manchester for a government organisation, then it was babies and the move to a small town, then a village. So over the course of my years I've tried both and can honestly say I prefer where I am now which seems to be a good compromise, a small town (sadly growing very fast as most small towns do these days) with access to nearby shops and amenities, but with countryside on the doorstep and the seaside a short drive away. I could never go back to the city life though, I feel like the proverbial 'country mouse' when I compare myself to the big city. So to sum up my long ramble ... sorry ... I am a 'small town bumpkin'.
I was born in Toronto, not so huge 82 years ago. We knew all the neighbours, a very friendly street. As I grew up I found the city very boring, it was known as Toronto the good! I started travelling as soon as I could afford it. I married at 20, had two children and we lived only two miles away in a new part of what is now Toronto. We had three shops in the city and were tied there. When my first husband died when I was 47, I had already moved in with who was to become my second husband. Since my first husband would never give me a divorce, I inherited the business. We worked it for about six months and I decided to sell up as prices were very high at the time. We then bought our catamaran, kept his boat that we had been living on for eight years, and sailed from England where the cat was built to Grenada. We sailed around the Caribbean for about six months a year, left the boat in Grenada and did summers in the house and on J’s boat. After living with J for eight years we got married. We did the back and forth to Grenada for sixteen years so that was my little townie life and I loved it. Being a yachtie, you meet so many people from so many places. We got along best with the British ones, and have visited them in Scotland and in Wales and vice versa. Now I am old and back living in my house in the city. I love it here as everything I need is within a two mile drive. The city is huge now and growing UP all around our little area. Not so nice, but I love my home and want to stay here until I die. So many people are still here since the sixties, they never moved because it is so nice here. We are on the edge of a very large public park so it can seem like being in the woods. I also still go down to the yacht club where my hubby and i lived aboard for five years. That feels so away from the city too. I have had a very charmed life. Gigi
I had a wonderful time living in a tiny hamlet outside Bath, but I equally enjoyed living in town. In the country everyone knows your business but in town I don't even know my next door neighbours. There are positive aspects to both, I think.
I grew up in a small town in central Alberta, not small by your standards, but small at the time. Across the alley from us was fields and I loved those fields and the freedom. When I was very small, we lived in North Bay and behind our house were woods which I loved as well.
Since then I've only lived in large cities. We had thought about living in the country but there would be too much driving with children and when our youngest was born disabled, that kind of sealed the deal. There are more services for disabled people in large centres.
So I've lived in cities my whole life but prefer the countryside. When I lived in Edmonton, it was the river valley that drew me and now it's the off leash dog park which is huge, with a field and lots of trees. I need trees for my soul
Last to arrive; last to leave, here! Closer to bumpkin, I would say. Grew up in a smallish town of 18,000 or so; now living in a much smaller mountain town of about 5000. In between, I lived in 'the big city' of Denver and worked in a mall department store. Seems like another life, but it worked for me then. When hubby's and my parents were still living, we made frequent trips to see them, but now that they are gone, trips anywhere are few and far between, which suits me fine. Everything we need is within walking distance; I go weeks without driving my car. Love the convenience. The longer I live in a small town, the harder it is for me to endure a trip to the city. The traffic, the people, the relentless frenzy... You can have it! But everything changes, and our little town is not immune. Real estate has skyrocketed (like everywhere), and you can't buy a shed for under $500K, it seems. We are overrun with VRBOs and second homes; the city folk find their little slice of heaven here and visit on weekends or holidays. Meanwhile, the worker bees can't find affordable housing... Sound familiar? Beloved open space (with stunning views of the mountains) is being subdivided so the rich can afford to build their gazillion square-foot mansions. Meanwhile, in town, ugly (IMO) modern 'boxy' houses are springing up among the old, humble, original homes from the town's railroad days. They (the boxy houses) are so out of place, and I fear the charm of our little town, that draws people here in the first place, is being lost. Sorry for my soapbox tirade... Hubby and I are so very lucky to live here full-time, in our adorable little Victorian house that we could never, ever afford now. We know almost everyone on our block, and we look out for each other. We are happily small-town folk and content to be so.
Pat, I need to throw in my life story before it's too late! Here's a brief synopsis - though not as brief as John's!!!!!
I still consider country living to be the best though I haven't done it in years - if I could get Bob to move I would pick a small house in a small town near some woodland - hard to find here though - plus he won't move!!!!!
Born in Devon (Torquay) and grew up in a small village midway between Dartmoor and the Torquay beaches/harbor. Had the perfect childhood. Went to work in Washington D.C. just before my 19th birthday for supposedly one year, met Bob and have lived in the USA for 61 years! Moved to New England, lived in Manchester, New Hampshire (Bob's hometown), Lawrence, Massachusetts just north of Boston, and Bob's company moved us south to Raleigh, North Carolina in 1977. Have been here since. Although the state capital, Raleigh is no longer the sleepy 'southern town' it was, it's now a huge expanding city. Fortunately we do have trees, longtime great neighbors, shopping nearby - but it's definitely not 'country living' and traffic is now horrible.
I miss thatched cottages, primroses in Spring, climbing Haytor (which I couldn't do now at 80 of course!), River Dart, cream teas, Brixham fish 'n chips, and Devon country pubs. Don't miss London - it's so different now (last there in Oct.). Would love to come back to the Yorkshire Dales and all the other beautiful parts of Britain I've missed! I always consider myself English but only have a little British accent now apparently!
Great post - loved reading your followers' stories.
Happy New Year dearest Pat.
Mary x
I like living in a rural town that upholds strict 2 acre minimum zoning for a home. Conservation land is also important and large tracts of land are purchased by the town for enjoyment by all. Walking trails are throughout. My home sits on several acres that combines woodlands, streams and wetlands with an inner manicured garden closer to the house. Having space for me is important. That said, I do like being 30-45 minutes away from Boston and Cambridge, Massachusetts. Proximity to city life is ideal.
What a revelation!!
Have so enjoyed your words. Jolly interesting way to end the year. Wonder if I shall be here next year at this time!
happy new year everybody
"Wonder if I shall be here next year at this time" you ask. Guess many of us can ask that question Pat, with no guarantee of a positive answer. Perhaps, given what you have told us, you might feel more certain of the answer, but rest assured, without you this time next year, there will be a lot of lonely people in blogland.
I agree with Derek! Jackie
Town Mouse and Country Mouse - Aesop
Having lived and worked on four continents and six countries, I have moved around a bit - hence the name.
For the majority of my life from university to retirement I was a city mouse, living, or working, in the largest city in the country. I loved the easy access to theatre, symphonies and opera. After retirement I changed countries again and now live in the back of beyond with no cell phone coverage at the house, a one hour round trip to the closest cinema, two hour round trip to a decent ethnic grocery store. But I have adapted and love the quiet and lack of light pollution.
The last time this ex-city mouse was in a city they realized they had become a country mouse.
We are hoping to move to Sotby, do you know of it?
A Townie.... Well, 'full circle' for me was a happy 8 years in a suburb 5 minutes from the centre of the capital city. Then boarding school in the country, scuttled back to Wellington and haven't moved since! Still in the same suburb, with gorgeous views of the harbour (and all the winds that blow!) happily married (coming up 48 years). I do recall visiting a farm as a child once. We took our then 6 yo son to a farm for his first experience and returned the next visit to the UK - mid Wales and stunningly beautiful. Visiting a dear friend and loved every minute of it. But honestly, I need the cafes with excellent coffee, the book shops (independent, not chain!) the theatre, the high quality hospital medical care 15 minutes away. So, yes I'm a townie.
I went from a small town of about 7000 where everybody knew me because of my grandfather to a university town to a state capital and then back to a village. I think the university town suited me most.There were all kinds of entertainment, cinemas, a theater, restaurants, shops, and of course people from all over the world. The village where we live now has lost all its infrastructure over the last thirty years, shops, post office, bank branch etc. But we still have a library! We always thought we would move into town when we get older, but we are not the only ones with this idea, so it is hard to find something suitable.
A very Happy New Year to you dear Pat and to all your readers!
Derek - will live on but thank you for the compliment.
Beautiful post
I've never lived in one place long enough to know everyone. About 6 years in the New York City-New Jersey area in my teens was wonderful. Moving back there given the violence on the streets, is not an option I'd consider. I prefer Vermont.
Wishing you a good New Year
I lived in a small village in North Wales up to the age of eighteen when I moved away to a city in the Midlands to study. I have lived in suburbs ever since. I prefer living in a larger conurbation near what I called in my youth ‘the action’. Nowadays it’s the proximity to a large teaching hospital and good medical facilities that’s the draw, not concerts and discos although we’re not far from large arenas either. How times change quickly. I have read your blog for some time Weave and only commented once. You are truly the Queen of Blogs. I wish you all the best for the new year and long may you continue to blog. Your posts are fascinating and you are one wise and empathetic woman. I follow the conversations you have with other bloggers and feel an envy of your close community. You have built up such good banter over the years. I do feel a bit like a wallflower at a rather fun party, a bit reticent to join in. I’m not even sure how I found you but I’m glad I did. Carole
My New Years wish for you is that you be blessed with ever more peace and love,Mary
Congratulations Pat on your Blogging Award. Well deserved. Happy New Year, Jan Bxx
Dear Pat,
I hope that the first morning of this new year finds you still in good spirits. For the past fifteen years, I have overseen The Laughing Horse Blogging Awards from my study in Sheffield. I am delighted to say that you have won one of only three "special awards" for 2023! You are the recipient of the BLOGGING LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD. This entitles you to feel a pleasant glow of satisfaction and to display the 2023 widget on your much-loved blog.
Please go to: http://beefgravy.blogspot.com/2023/12/awards.html
Best wishes,
Neil
I came to congratulate you on your blogging award. Well done! Now, having read a few of your posts, I can see why you received the award.
I read Polly Vernon's article, too.
As for your question - I used to be a townie in the Garden of England, and now I'm not and haven't been for more years than I wish to reveal. I live in the strange hinterland of 'Without', not suburbia, not town, not country but within easy reach of all.
Prayers for the new year...2024...thank you for your blog.
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