1. Do you remember your grandparents?
2. Are you a worrier or a devil-may-care 'what will be will be' or somewhere in between?
I vaguely remember my father's father - my paternal grandfather - John James Smithson but oddly enough I really only remember his funeral. I was too young to go to it but I watched the funeral procession go past from my neighbour's window. But I remember my Grandmother Smithson well. Martha (always called Patty) - a rather stern lady who ruled the household -striped silky blouses often red and white stripes and a long full skirt almost touching the floor.A chatelaine hung from the waistband. She had snow-white hair and round glasses. I don't remember ever getting a cuddle.
I never knew my mother's mother, my maternal grandmother - she died of a strangulated hernia after refusing to go into hospital in her mid-forties.
But my paternal Grandfather I remember very well indeed - a character! Retired by the time I came along - he had worked in some capacity on the Railway. William (Bill to everyone in the Lincolnshire village where he spent his whole life). Known mainly I believe for dancing on the table on The Black Horse when he had had a few too many. Cuddles? Any time, anywhere and with a mint imperial thrown in! He kept a permanent supply to suck and - hopefully - cloak any smell of beer on his breath (he lived with Uncle Albert and his wife - both primitive methodists). Tall, upstanding, handsome with dark hair greying at the temples (masses of it but always well cut) and a large moustache which tickled beautifully when he gave you a kiss. A great countryman, brilliant at poaching rabbits - he usually had a few stashed in the shed for any villager who fancied rabbit pie for dinner.
Now to why I asked the questions. I am a grandma and a great grandma. I wonder how my grandchildren and great grandchildren will remember me. All three - and a step grandma extra one - are in their thirties. Only one, E, is married to J and they live in Glasgow with their children U (7) and H(soon to be 2 ). I am in regular contact and get masses of lovely photos to keep me going. But tomorrow they come down on a round trip to see my son and his wife (grandma and grandad) and on Sunday morning to see me - always called great grandma Bellerby ( the village where I lived when their Mum was their age - so a tradition which has been handed down; their other grandma - even older than me - is called great grandma Bolton.
How will they remember me - for to be sure I shall not be around when they become adults. When they come I wrap a present or two and hide it - they have to find them all before they open any. I hope that triggers memories in the years to come, along with the frequent hugs.
And where does 'worry' fit into this? They are doing a 5 day round trip taking in the other grandma who lives in Newcastle now. And horror of horrors they are CAMPING and the weather is awful. So I worry about them having to put up the tent in the rain, having to cook their meals, having to sleep with such awful conditions. I can't get the situation out of my mind.
When my son rang last night I voiced my fears and said I had been worrying all day. The gist of my son's reply (himself a keen rambler/camper in his younger days) -.
He had not given the matter a single thought. Two grown people long married, healthy, both with good degrees, one a solicitor, one a teacher, intelligent folk, seasoned campers and ramblers - what on earth was there for me to worry about?
So here I sit looking out on a grey sky and a wet patio. - every puddle filled with wet spots constantly falling. I have just had an e mail saying they are busy packing the car (they are all four vegetarian)and trying to cover all eventualities. They are seeing E's dad tomorrow evening and me on Sunday morning.
Better get the presents hidden and the possible food they might eat( if they make time before they move on), prepared. Then together with a heart full of hugs I am ready. Am I worried? Well I shall be glad when they arrive and everybody is seen to be in camping mood, when they have found the presents and are sitting playing with them. And when my clogs finally pop - I hope that is how they remember me.
.JPG)
40 comments:
I only remember my paternal gran because the other grandparents died a long time ago - gran was a rather distant person to me, staying very occasionally with us and always comparing us to her grandchildren who lived closer to her....... she was intelligent and could tell interesting tales of her earlier life but she was neither warm toward us or particularly kind. The other question........ I'm definitely a worrier, which is a nuisance really as I know that I spend too much of my life getting anxious about what I can't change!
Interesting questions x
Alison in Wales x
I only remember my paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather.
I am a mix between worrier and devil may care.
hugs
Donna
I wouldn't worry about grown people choosing to camp in England, a bit of wet and damp isn't going to kill them. I might worry if they were in some flood surge area of Italy or France as has happened in the past where they might get washed away with a baby, or in a tinder dry area where fires might sweep through at any minute, but Northern England in the wet, no. I remember my grandparents. Nothing particularly public to talk about with regard to them, just a generation who had lives that effected us on the farm until the day they died.
I am go with the flow, a bit of a loner. I remember all my grandparents. My mothers father was a large animal veterinarian and he always had his mini fox terrier called Tiny with him. That grandmother was warm and cuddly and she used the word aint a lot and that annoyed my mother. She was a country girl. My other grandparents were very strict, very religious and not good with kids. Very proper. My grandfather had a glass eye and that was a bit scary. The grandmother that I loved, the country one, would take the bus to come and visit us and she packed her things in a plastic bag and that also annoyed my mother. I remember my brother and I telling mom to stop picking on her. She also would read the newspaper out loud and that too annoyed my mom. My other grandmother lived in an apartment on the street behind us with two of her sisters when they were all in their 90s and mom would very often cook extra dinner and my brother and I would take it over to them. One sister was a spinster and I thought my grandmother treated her like a slave because she was supporting Minni. That annoyed me. My grandfather with the glass eye worked in a little office under union station and it was a treat to visit him there and hear the trains rumble over his underground office. His company put sandwiches and drinks and newspapers on the trains and eventually as planes started flying did the same on the planes. Very smart fellow!
Presumably U and H have been denied the opportunity to see if they like the taste of meat because of their parent's vegetarian beliefs. I'm never sure about parents who force their beliefs on children virtually from birth.
I remember my maternal grandparents the best, mostly I guess, because each visit to them was special because it involved a train journey on the old steam trains.
Both of my grandfathers had passed away before I was born, but I remember both grannies - one very sweet, loving and thoughtful; the other a very difficult individual. I don't think either of them worried unduly about me when I went camping though my mother probably did - she would have worried if I'd been in a hotel or even if I'd stayed at home!
I remember both grandfathers and my maternal grandmother. My dad's mum died when he was 5.
I met all eight of my paternal great-aunts/uncles, and just one of my maternal great aunts ( mother was not "into" family) and none of my paternal great aunts/uncles because of that
I am a bit of a worrier..but it all comes out ok in the end!
Enjoy your visitors xx
I didn't know either of my grandfathers as they died before I was born and before my parents married. But I knew, loved and can remember so much about my Nana, dad's Mum and my Gangan, mum's Mum. Gangan lived to see my elder son born and Nana lived to see both my boys, in fact she first met my younger son on Mother's day in 1987 and said he was the best Mother's Day present she had ever received.
Now I too at just 63 am a Nana and a Great Nana to three grandsons and one granddaughter, and one great-grandson, one great granddaughter and another great-grandson due next month. Where have the years gone? I'm known as Nana Sue to all of them as the family dynamics mean they all have multiple Nana's.
And I am not, nor have I ever been a worrier. My Mum is however, and I can see how that affects people. Worry does nothing but steal the joy from the here and now, and is of no use if there is nothing you can do to remedy a situation. I bet your family will have lovely camping memories no matter what the weather, and they do sound like they are made of sturdy stuff. So try not to worry about them. xx
I knew and shared many happy times with one Grandmother. She was a musician and played both the organ and piano. She loved the outdoors; walking in the woodland, bird watching, gardening and growing fruit and vegetables. I do worry but try to keep things in perspective. My philosophy is, there is nothing that can not be fixed. I am not a camper but know a few avid campers and weather is generally taken in stride. I would not worry. Lastly, there are always hotels, if the weather becomes an issue.
There was only my maternal grandmother left by the time I was born, and I remember her very well as my sister and I went to live with her for a few years after our mother died when I was 5. Not a cuddler either. I am a worrier, but I wouldn't worry about something like camping in this country. They are not likely to freeze in August.
I was the youngest in a large spread out family and missed meeting any of my grandparents.
My sister remembered one grandmother as cool and distant.
Although they went to her every week for Sunday lunch she only remembers Grannie actually speaking to her twice and then only to scold her!
I do remember both sets of grandparents, for very individual reasons, even though they all died before I was 5 years old.
I am most definitely a worrier and have suffered from anxiety for most of my life. Perhaps not quite so bad now that I have realised I am now too old to let any of it really bother me.
How your grandchildren and great-grandchildren remember you will vary and probably be nothing as you want it to be and quite possibly inaccurate.
My Mom's parents were dead before I was born but I do have fond memories of my Dad's parents especially his Mom. I am named after her and she was a very friendly, loving Grandma.
Not sure how my own grandchildren will remember me. I hope fondly as I am always happy to see them and they seem happy to see me too!
Both of my grandfathers died before I was born (including one who had been born in 1864!) but both grandmothers lived until I was 16 and 21 so remember them well. Both Grandma and Granny were kind, loving, smiling, and hugging women but only Granny (Dad's mom) would take out her false teeth!
I've never been a worrier and suppose I took to heart Grandma Hall's words to 'not borrow trouble'. Your son's logic about why not to worry about your grands and great-grands camping seem wise and logical to me.
Methinks you'll be well remembered by your family of all ages because you're still engaged with the world, current events, and you love them.
Hugs!
My maternal Papa died when my mother was 9, and paternal Papa died when I was 2 1/2 so don't remember him at all. My maternal Granny was a large woman who wore wrap around pinnies and slippers with "teddy bear" eyes. She was a great cuddler and slept with me when she visited, and complained when she had to get out of bed a couple of times in the night to change sides as I had chased her so far to the side that she was going to fall out. I loved her baking days. My paternal Granny was a different kettle of fish. Very tall and slim, always in a grey tailored suit and silk blouse with a gold brooch at the neck - no cuddles from her.
I most certainly remember my Grandparents on both sides of the family... loved them dearly and was loved dearly by them.. I'm somewhere in the middle seriously leaning toward the worrier side... lol Love ya Pat ! Hugs! deb
Great post Pat! Your family tales are always interesting because they are set in the lovely English countryside - and I still miss it so much having been away so long!
I'm a what one might call 'a thoughtful worrier' - perhaps like you, wondering how loved ones are managing, if they're safe, and certainly when in the rain not being washed away in their tents etc. haha! Hope your crowd arrive safely without a pile of clothes and bedding requiring a dryer!!! Have a fun time - you certainly are making the effort X
As for grandparents, I only knew - and loved so much - my maternal grandmother. Olive was Mum to 5 children within 4 years as there were two sets of twins after the first girl. My Mum was twin to the only boy. Perhaps this is why she was such a special grandma too. I was lucky to have her as a large part of my childhood - she passed when I was eleven.
Mary ~
We camped with children (and cubs and scouts) in all sorts of weathers and always had fun so that's a worry you can stop worrying about!
I wish I'd known my Dad's Mum - she died when I was just a toddler. Dad's dad I remember well although Mum wasn't a fan and I doubt he felt welcome in our house. He died when I was about 21.
Mum's Dad died when I was about 14 - remember him as someone ill a lot. Mum's Mum was very old fashioned and worn down from having 6 children through the war years and she was a widow for many years and died in 1988. We only visited once a week when I was young and much less when older.
We are not a good family for keeping in touch with each other at all.
I'm trying to be a good Nanna but who knows what my five little people will remember!
I knew my maternal grandparents and my paternal grandmother and step granddad.
On my mothers side, I also met her maternal grandmother and her paternal grandmother.
I was a bit scared of my great grandmothers but my grandmothers I remember as rich Nan and poor Nan, both kind and both funny.
I am a constant worrier and live on nervous energy.
I don't remember my Dad's parent's at all. We lived in the South West of England and they lived in Kent. My Dad used to visit them occasionally on his own. They had both died before I was ten. My Mum's parents lived with us. My Grandad died when I was five. I don't really remember him but can remember being told he had died as I had been sent to play with a friend a few doors away. My Nan was 69 when I was born, Nan married at 28 and Mum at 35.
Nan was quite a Victorian lady, small and either loving or quite severe. She was the eldest daughter in a family of nine and had gone to work as a servant in London when she was 14. She was very careful with the few possessions she owned, I still have two wooden coat hangers with her signature on. At times Nan and my Dad has flaming rows, but most of the time for on pretty well. It was interesting to see another side to Nan when we visited her brothers and sisters who lived in the next county.
I have 7 grandchildren, the eldest 3 have all been through college and working full time. I looked after them all full time after the middle one was born. I have a close relationship with them all. The other 4 ( two families) all live further away. The eldest three 4 8 and 10 have all stayed here during school hols, we have had fun short breaks with the eldest two while Mum and Dad have been working. The youngest one, although we see her quite often has never been left with us for even a short time so not at all sure how she will remember us!
Like Sue, in the past I was a scout and a cub scout leader so have camped with frost on the ground and in very wet conditions in Scotland with all 3 of our children so sure your family will be fine.
Good questions. I remember one great grandmother well. She had come from wealth but in my time lived in a pretty bungalow in Bury St Edmunds. I loved exploring her home which was crammmed with large oil paintings and other things more suitable to a stately home. She and her daughter were very kind and knew just how to make a shy girl comfortable. My great aunt lived with her following a horrible divorce where she lost custody of her children. Not a bad mother just a very powerful ex husband who, despite divorcing so he could marry his mistress, was still seen as being able to give the children a better life. Well, he trained them well because after the deaths of both gg and g aunt they cleaned out the house virtually overnight and sold off all the lovely oil paintings without contacting any of the direct descendents. I have my memories thank goodness.
I never knew my Mum's dad as he died in a tragic accident when my Mum was 14. My Grannie I only saw a few times because she lived in Bristol and we lived in Yorkshire and money was tight in those days to go travelling. My Dad's parents on the other hand only lived a few streets away, but never visited us at home, we had to go to them every time. Grandad was 'laid back' and nothing ever seemed to phase him, he loved cricket and belonged to the village team when he was younger. He kept chickens and let us hold the young chicks when they were a few days old. My Grandmother was rather strict and always seemed to be telling us off. They went on lots of day trips to the seaside and would take one of their grandchildren with them, I think I went twice. I can't remember getting any cuddles from any of them. With my own grandchildren they understand that because of my disability I can't run around kicking footballs etc, but I am always available to play board games and do some colouring with them and they give hugs when I see them.
I am certainly not a worrier as what will be will be.
I love this post. I was lucky enough to know both grandmothers and one grandfather; the English grandfather died in 1930, long before I was born. My English granny was a dear, so sweet and kind. My Dad's German mother was almost the complete opposite. She didn't approve of our Mum and she didn't like us children. I think in later years she softened on both accounts but by then I had no interest in seeing her. Her letters, found in Dad's things after he passed, confirmed her feelings in writing.
I have been lucky to know my grandchildren well, all 14 of them, and now have 6 greatgrands. At 72, I think they will all have time to have memories of me. They love coming to my house, and I love when they come.
Not a worrier here. But I do understand your concern. As for the grandchildren and great-grandchildren, I feel sure they will have very fond memories of you, and perhaps carry on some of your traditions.
Lovely reading all your stories - thank you for taking the trouble to write it all down.
I remember all four of my grandparents and loved them, though saw far less of my father's parents unfortunately. My mother and I lived with her parents when I was three and my father had joined the Army in 1939. Mum went to work and Grandad often kept me amused, and Granny was there with milk and a biscuit when I got home from primary school.
I am an inbetweener to your next question. I do worry sometimes, give myself a shake and decide to deal with whatever comes, if it comes.
As for camping, my youngest daughter and her husband are camping right now. I sympathise with their predicament but do know that all camping equipment is far superior these days to those I remember from my youth. However, I am pleased I'm not with them!
Camping is all right but eventually you reach an age where it is nice to be able to stand up to put your trousers on. I remember all four grandparents, and one great-grandparent.
That made me roar with laughter Tasker - so true.
I am Nana. The three girls and I are so close… more than most. The two little boys are too. I know they will remember their Nana forever. They are so important to me. My children have made sure that the grands are around Nana. Love your blog. Brenda
There was love in our house growing up, but not cuddles. We were very much held at arms length, and my parents didn't like pets, so I couldn't wait to have my own child and lovely cuddly animals around.
I never saw myself as much of a cuddler, but now I am the biggest one out, and adore my little toddler grandchild. I devote the childcare days entirely to her. We play endlessly and laugh so much! My worry? That one day she may say "I don't remember much about my grandma, as I was too little when she died", so I have a lot to cram in!
It is the greatest gift in my life that my daughter and son in law say of our relationship -'she adores you'. There are lots of photos of our fun times together, holding those dear little pudgy hands.
My own grandparents on both sides were kind and sensible. They had many grandchildren between them but I rarely see those cousins now - in our sixties and seventies now, we all lead busy lives and try not to worry. I have to talk my Mum out of that aspect of her life.- Pam, Aust.
I best remember my father's parents, who died in their late 90s when I was an adult. My older son (now almost 40!) enjoyed spending time with them dotting on him when he was a toddler - must see if he remembers! They were very sweet to all the grandchildren (they had 6) - lots of cuddles but not the kind of grandparents to play games with. My grandfather grew up on a farm and was a very keen gardener - he had a fabulous raspberry patch, a cherry tree and salad greens growing in a postage stamp suburban yard, as well as a fabulous trellis of roses on the way to their screen porch. I loved to hang out with him picking fruit, gathering up fallen rose petals and sitting beside him while he read the paper. He was very quiet.
My mother's mother died with my mother, her youngest of 9 children, was 7 but my mother's father lived until I was a toddler and I remember being snuggled by him, and that he smelled of bay rum and cigarettes and was prickly (beard stubble?). My father's grandmother was a very old lady when I was a child and lived far away; my only memory of her is her braiding my curly hair so tightly that my forehead and eyes were immoveable; it was agonizing. She had also vigorously combed my hair with a fine toothed comb and there was a big ball of pulled out hair at the end of that exercise. Why the other adults let that happen is a mystery to me, I remember being scolded for crying.
I bet your great grandchildren remember the fun treasure hunt!
Ceci
I remember grandparents on both sides. Maternal grandparents were very English. Paternal grandparent very German. Maternal grandparents lived further away and we only saw them once a year. Paternal grandparents lived near by and we visited often and stayed thee as well.
I had one living grandparent and I was the first grand child. I probably could do no wrong. I loved that grandma unconditionally.
I do remember both sets of grandparents. They were no longer spring chickens by the time I came around, but they were in my life & I loved them. All were born just after the turn of the last century. I often marvel at how their lives changed dramatically as society 'advanced' in so many ways over the span of the 20th c.
I'm afraid I never knew any of my grandparents. I would have liked to. As for 'camping', as long as I was in a luxurious camper van OK, but in a tent; no thanks.
I am completely with Rachel's first comment there about what's "worth" worrying about.
As for my grandparents, I had the best (maternal) grandparents a child could wish for - never did I hear a "not now" from them. My paternal grandmother died when I was nearly four, and since we never spent much time with her (as she did not want to babysit us and told my mother so in no uncertain terms), I have no memories of her, just some photos to remind me of what she looked like. Her husband, my Dad's father, was around until my mid-twenties. He was more someone you'd respect than someone you would love as a child, not inviting cuddles, and rather giving my parents money to buy us presents than to choose presents for us ourselves. But I remember his voice, an actor's voice. And learning more about him long after he was dead made me realise that he was actually quite fascinating - we just never warmed that much to each other.
The trouble with grandparents is that they tend to die too early in our lives. We may get on well with them when we are just youngsters, they may even shape our young lives, but it's often when we reach late adult age that we often need them the most. Many of us as we reach late adult life, especially with the plephora of ancestry programmes now, begin to question our family history. First stop is our parents and then after that would be our grandparents but in most cases they are long dead, taking all that knowledge with them.
I don't remember any of my grandparents, and I am an unfortunate mixture of the two in your 2nd question.
So good to read all your stories - thank you for taking the trouble to reply at length - fascinating stuff.
Love your post.
I remember all 4 grandparents but my mother's mother was my favorite and I, hers. Knowing that
helped me later in life when being a favorite was harder to come by. I'm 71 and still think of her.
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