Saturday, 3 July 2021

Rain

At last, for an hour, it rained.   I awoke to thick fog, I opened the front door ready for my carer and after a few nice warm days it was cold.   As the morning wore on it rained but only gentle rain - just enough to wet the top of the soil.   After an hour it stopped.   Now it is just chilly and grey but no more rain.  If you have ever been a gardener it is difficult not to become obsessed by the rain - the soil is either too wet or too dry.   Conditions are never perfect.

So Andy has been knocked out of Wimbledon - sad but younger players are coming along and he has been out of the game for a while.   Maybe he should have had the sense to stop while he was at the top of his game - I don't know.   Let's hope that England win against Ukraine tonight. It really is such a plethora of sport at the moment -  if you are not a sports fan life via the television is pretty boring.   Covid has broken out quite badly here - we have always missed it until now - so there is little or nothing to do.   At the moment until all these sporting events are over, if you are not a sports fan then it will have to be out with the Monopoly and Ludo and the Jig Saws I'm afraid.

Sad to see today that Michael Gove and his wife are to divorce amicably.   Up here is a small town where everybody knows everyone else's business it seems to me that amongst the younger people (under fifties)so few couples seem to be with their original partners.   Why have things changed so much.   When I was a child in the forties there were only two divorced couples in our village and everybody knew all the details.   Why is it so different - is it that money is easier to come by - apart from both couples usually working there are social services to help sort out family finances in these situations - and yes I do know that in the case of much publicised cases usually both members of the family are usually pretty well off.   And maybe because divorce is so prevalent the effect on the children is not so severe.   I don't know - and it is certainly less harmful than  together in a toxic household which I know is sometimes the case- but I know that for many people of my age group we feel that life has changed  beyond all recognition and we no longer understand it.

End of moan - sorry.   The sun is trying hard to break through - just about giving it time to burn off the surface water that has fallen today.   So until tomorrow folks - enjoy your evening if you are watching THE MATCH give them a cheer so loud that they can hear it in Rome.

 

 

Sorry about that moan. 

32 comments:

Rambler said...

I think Michael Gove and his wife are divorcing because (I read) he wants to be with his male friend - good reason, I guess, for both of them.
Loving the plethora of sport - top quality football, tennis, cycling and my favourite - Formula 1 Grand Prix from Austria.

Derek Faulkner said...

On the reserve that I warden, water levels are now pretty much how they were at the end of winter, unheard of in July. That of course means that we have very wet gardens as well, with weeds and flowers totally rampant.
Enjoyed watching that miserable, moaning Murray lose, perhaps he'll call it a day now.
Marriages may have been for life in the old days but it doesn't mean that they were all endlessly happy, many simply became a habitual way of life. Modern marriages, with both partners out to work each day, sees the opportunities for meeting temptation increase tenfold.

CharlotteP said...

The match? Don't you mean Le Tour?!

bornfreev said...

Everyone is allowed a good moan now and then. It helps relieve negative energy.

Now, speaking of divorce. I believe that marriage is just something created by men thousands of years ago - to control women and insure that the children they provide for were "their own". Not a really good reason to stay with someone for a lifetime. I admire loyalty. I admire honoring a commitment. But, I think we must consider that perhaps marriage does not really make sense (not that it ever did), and has caused more grief than good. It seems more a religious requirement or a romantic notion that by saying vows, will somehow make it last forever. In my youth marriage was required to live together "respectfully". I played by the rules. As a result I've had two divorces. I'm in my third "marriage". We got married so I could get my husband on my health insurance and other legal considerations. It did not change our loyalty, commitment or love for each other. There must be a better way to insure people are responsible for the act of creating children.

Sorry, I did not mean to run on about the subject. (You did want to stir up some controversy, right? :)

I'd love to hear what others may think.

JayCee said...

Rain here for a while today but probably not enough to keep the reservoirs topped up.
My parents divorced after a fairly unpleasant period caused by my mother's infidelities. It was a relief to me but devastating for my dad. He never got over it.

Derek Faulkner said...

Bornfreev speaks a lot of sense.

Devon Mum said...

Marriage - now that is going to create a lot of comments I'm sure. Me and Hubby have been married 30 years and those years have been happy ones. We have four lovely Daughters but it hasn't been plain sailing. There have been hard times when we have had to work at things. We didn't have any family support with our girls so juggling both of us working especially before they were all in school was challenging, but we survived. We are in the minority amongst our Daughters friends. A lot of parents are not married and a lot whether they married or not are not together now and they are part of blended families. I don't think people stick at a relationship like they used to - first sign of difficulties and they're off. However, I agree with Derek in that in the old days people were married but it didn't mean they were happy marriages it's just what you had to do for respectability. My Mum and Dad were married for 53 years but I certainly wouldn't say they were soul mates. They had to get married as my Mum was expecting me and my childhood memories are of a lot of rows and then days of silences but it would have been unheard of to divorce and so they just muddled through.

Chris said...

I left and divorced my ex after 23 years of his cruel treatment of me.. it wasn't physical but reduced me to tears many times.. when I left I felt free and wished I had done it years before. There's always a reason that others don't see. No one knows what goes on inside a marriage.

The Feminine Energy said...

I think the reason that more couples get divorced now, than 50 years ago, is that the realization of "happiness" is finally starting to hit women. Most women suffered in silence (I'm sure there were men too) and thought that once married the unhappiness was just their lot in life and that was that. Now, people in general are realizing how short life really is and to find happiness wherever they can find it. It really is unreasonable to expect a couple to be compatible 25-40 years down the road, from when they first married. I know I myself have changed so much (my ideas, my beliefs, my attitudes about certain things) since I was a young girl of 19 years old when I got married. I wish "moving along" was more acceptable than it is, to be honest. I wish we would consider divorce as being "we were happy & compatible for many years but now we're not.... so we are grateful for the happy years and will now move along to find more happy years with (or without!) someone else." But that's just me. ~Andrea xoxoxo

the veg artist said...

As Chris says, there's always a reason that others don't see. The fact that more women are able to support themselves is, of course, an issue. As a child, I knew of two very unhappy marriages where the woman just didn't have the means to walk away - or rather, one did go back to her parents with two small children in tow. They sent her straight back to her violent bully of a husband. Thank goodness times have changed.

gz said...

Hear hear, veg artist.
Grandma married her first cousin....so no family to go to when she needed to leave...so she stayed.
I was so lucky to be able to stand up for myself when I did....
We have had rain showers too and the garden has signed a great sigh of relief...and shot up!!
Sad for Andy Murray, but he is doing what he loves..and now beaten by the young man who regards him as his hero.....and is at 22 the hero of young tennis players in his local club.
The slippery Wimbledon grass has a lot to answer for as well.

Heather said...

No need to apologise - I find things have changed totally since my youth. Perhaps couples expect too much from marriage today and are not prepared to work things out. It is so easy to separate and there is not the stigma attached to divorce that there once was.
I daren't watch the football in case I put a jinx on things. I am sure my son-in-law will let me know the score tomorrow.
I thought Andy Murray looked exhausted after his last game. Maybe it is time to retire rather than risk punishing his body further.

Granny Sue said...

I divorced my first husband. We'd married too young and gradually grew apart. I've been married 35 years now to my second husband and happy as can be.

One reason I think divorce is more prevalent now is that women are more independent. Most women work outside the home these days and can be financially secure. I remember several friends of my mother's who stayed with their husbands because they had no other choice. There was no such thing as child support, jobs for women were scarce, and few could afford to work and pay for child care. So they stayed and made the best of it. Men stayed in unhappy marriages too--many simply found things to do away from home back then. Divorce carried such a stigma, especially for women. A divorced woman was unwelcome in many places.

Bonnie said...

I'm glad to hear you had some rain. I'm sure your plants enjoyed it. I was able to watch your football game live here and enjoyed every minute of it. Congratulations England!

Anonymous said...

My parents marriage was not happy, but Mum felt she couldn't leave Dad as he was abandoned as a child, and she felt she couldn't do that again. He was a very emotionally damaged man, and in retrospect I know that many returned veterans from WW 2 had what we now know to be untreated post traumatic stress disorder. Friends and I have discussed this about our fathers, and come to the same conclusion that although they were supposed to 'just get on with it', the pressure-cooker of their emotions came out in other ways, ...and the boys were bought up under strict codes of 'real men don't cry'.
In my first marriage, my husbands family were strict Catholics, so living together was out of the question - it would have made a lot of difference had that happened. Hard to believe that the question was being asked at the time 'Do you believe it sex before marriage', so laughable now. We divorced when 'no-fault' divorce was first brought in. Unbelievable in times past that there had to be blame assigned to one party. Happily married now for 43 years...we found out in our first years of marriage, that our great grandparents were the best of mates, living next door to each other, helping each other out through good and bad times, and their sons (our grandfathers and their brothers) went off to the first World War together, fighting in France and Gallipoli...from Pam, Aust.

Debby said...

I think that marriage is between two people. So is a divorce. How awful it must be to be a public figure and have your private life paraded for public view.

angryparsnip said...

It is just fine to moan now and again. Better out than in.
I am divorced and never thought I would be. I supported my X for many years working many jobs to help us. But he grew crazy and crazed and became kind of stuck in the "the one who dies with the most toys wins" We were never good enough for him and he was more controlling and very cruel to me and the children and he just walked out one day and left a phone message for me.
The only reason I stayed with him for so long was California is no fault and divides everything up children and all. So I waited till the last child was 18. One never knows what is going on.

vic said...

Well, I think that it is just too easy to walk away these days. I think that people nowadays go into marriage thinking, well, if things don't work out we can just get a divorce----no big thing. Because of this assumption not enough thought and consideration goes into whether or not to marry. No marriage is all sweetness and light and difficulties certainly do arise but I think too many people just don't consider compromising as a possibility and throw in the towel much too soon.

I do know people who do divorce and go on marry and live happily with another when staying in the original marriage would have been torment for probably both people. So I can't condemn anyone going that route. But I do think that these days it is an easy out for many who just don't really try to work things out in order to get through a bad patch and then go on to level ground.

I have been married happily for 52 years so maybe I was just got lucky in the choice that I made and don't know the bad side of things.

Fifitr said...

In one way I wish my parents had divorced when I was a child - they announced it several times and it made for a lot of emotional turbulence for me - but in old age they settled a lot of their differences and came to depend on and care for each other hugely, so who can say what would have been best?
I don't think it's a moan, it's just a point of view, and we all have them. I do think many people don't work as hard at marriage as they used to, because of the lack of social pressure, but equally I don't hold with people staying in relationships that aren't happy or fulfilling. I don't really see the point of marriage either, despite being married for 27 years. If you love someone you'll stay with them, if you don't you shouldn't and probably won't and a piece of paper doesn't make much difference apart from costing you money to change your status. I think changes in attitudes have very much benefited women who often felt they should stay in a relationship for the sake of the children. People did and do often marry too young IMHO. Wild oats should be sewn and relationships tried on for size for a couple of years before making a major commitment like marriage and/or children; we all make emotional mistakes but we no longer feel tied to them just because of a white dress and a ring on our fingers.

Crafty Green Poet said...

I was thinking the same about Andy at this year's Wimbledon. The young British female player now through to the fourth round is brilliant, a new generation certainly coming through

Ellen D. said...

I divorced my husband after 33 years of marriage and 5 children. I was unhappy in the marriage for a long time but I did not want to make life complicated for the kids when they were little so waited until all were grown. Of course, they knew we did not get along well and were understanding when I asked him for a divorce. He was not happy about it but that had more to do with money than any feelings for me.
I think in the old days more women did not work outside the home and so were dependent on their husbands and stuck in unhappy marriages.
I have never regretted divorcing and probably shouldn't have waited so long.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Goodness me! With this plethora of comments we don't need an afternoon somewhere together with a drink and our feet up - we need a week. And I agree with all that you all say - you talk such a lot of sense.
Andy Murray - the teenager who has done so well - slippery grass at Wimbledon - agree with it all.
The match -4 nil - brilliant.
Marriage/divorce - you - well so many of you - kow so much more about it than I do - so I bow to your superior knowledge. I am sure you are right.

Thanks everyone.

jinxxxygirl said...

Ah Pat live has changed not just in your age group but mine too and i'm in my 50's... hubby in his 60's... Divorce is in our families too.. My parents married and divorced EACH OTHER 3 times that i know of... My brothers married and divorced multiple times... same for hubby's side of the family... Hubby and i both had a previous marriage.. BUT hubby and i have been married for 33 years... and going strong.. I personally think no one wants to put in the work any more... Women can support themselves better now and no long want to be trapped in a loveless marriage or where they are not happy... can't say i blame them... Hugs! deb

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