Wednesday, 17 October 2018

Wednesday

An indulgent morning as eight of us met at Tennants' cafe for breakfast at half past nine.   They do a lovely selection which you can choose item by item - I had bacon, sausage, tomato and hash brown, accompanied by a cup of coffee.   It was delicious and the company was fine.

C and I were talking over breakfast about things we would really like to buy = she mentioned for example a handbag she absolutely loved in our local boutique (she is a collector of handbags).   Only the other day friend W and I were talking about the way we always have to justify spending money and we decided it was probably because when we were young there wasn\t a lot to spare.
Now, she insists, we do not have to justify it.   But C today told of St Benedict's law which says you should differentiate between 'want' and 'need'.  In other words you should only buy what you need.
Where do readers of my blog stand on that issue?

After lunch (and a visit from the plumber to fix a bathroom tap) friend S took Tess for her weekly walk - it is a lovely day and my goodness how Tess enjoyed it.   Then shortly afterwards friend J called for coffee and a look round my bungalow (she has not been since I moved in). When S and Tess returned from their walk S, J and I sat for a couple of hours chatting, laughing and generally having a really pleasant afternoon.

I sit here now at seven in the evening and I am just thinking how very lucky I am to have such a wonderful collection of friends who are so kind and loving and who all serve to enhance my life completely.

39 comments:

Simone said...

It sounds like a lovely day with a good mix of time spent with different friends. I feel guilty when I buy things for myself which is silly really. I am not over indulgent and tend to buy small items that give instant joy such as a hobby magazine or some craft materials. I never buy anything that would be a 'considered purchase' as I don't have enough money to do so! Have a lovely evening Weaver! :)

Jules said...

You do have some wonderful friends Pat, and I can only assume it is a reflection of your own personality.
I generally buy only what I need and probably should spend some more on wants a little more often than I do. X

Derek Faulkner said...

St Benedict's Law is surely governed by one's financial state. Low finances - you should only buy what you need, plenty of money - buy more of what you want. I'm OK financially so will always buy what I want, within reason - I don't believe in replacing something that's perfectly OK just for the sake of getting a newer model.

diana said...

You have good friends because you are a good friend. I have trouble spending money on myself.

Bovey Belle said...

I'm with you on only buying what you need (applies to most areas of my life) but I have a certain weakness when it comes to books! Even so, I have been buying novels to read from the charity table at Tesco's this summer, and that is SO much cheaper as they come for the price of a small donation to charity and I take them back there to earn their keep again.

I could never understand the idea that some women have of changing everything in a room if they change the decor - this usually applies to the kitchen!!

Sharon in Surrey said...

I agree with Diana. You have the friends you have because you've been there for them when they needed you. Spending, hmmm. Well, I've gone through times when I didn't have any money to spend on anything other than the basics of life & then I've had times when I couldn't spend my pay before another check rolled in. I think I prefer the medium position, enough to cover all the needs, some to cover the wants & money at the end of the month for donations & causes. I like to go out for coffee but I still support several charities & one yarn store monthly. And I've always been a 'if it works why replace it?' person unless it's sock yarn, of course.

John "By Stargoose And Hanglands" said...

I'm not sure that I could wait that long for breakfast; I'd be grabbing a slice of toast before going out! I can usually think of something more enjoyable to do than going shopping so many purchases get delayed and delayed until - you've guessed it - I find I don't need them anyway.

Wilma said...

I remember a time in my young adulthood when I was quite poor and resorted to selling my plasma to pay my rent and buy groceries (mostly 25 cent packages of ramen noodles and mac and cheese in a box) because I refused to go into debt with a credit card or loan. I got past that, financially, but frugal habits are habits are hard to break. My first splurge on a "want" was a small washing machine, and boy did I love that washer much more than I would have if I hadn't been through some tough times (short-lived, fortunately). These days I do indulge in many of my wants and enjoy them to the fullest. The biggest recent splurge was business class airfare for me and my brother for our trip to the UK - it was a fantastic experience. The best routine indulgence is not having to look at prices when I shop for groceries - I just buy exactly what I want and know how fortunate I am. Still love ramen noodles - I bought some today!

Your day sounds delightful. And as others have said - you have good friends because you are a good friend.

justjill said...

I agree with other comments. You have lovely friends because you are a lovely friend. When I was younger I could never buy from a want. Only now we are retired and after paying in to pensions are getting it back I can occasionally want something and buy it, however a lifetime of not buying!!!!

Bonnie said...

It sounds like you had another wonderful day! Much of my life I've lived by buying primarily "needs" because I rarely had much money for more than the basics. I live a frugal lifestyle for the most part and do not believe in waste. But I do believe we all deserve a few "wants" occasionally when possible!

Mac n' Janet said...

I do a mixture of want and need. I only occasionally give into the want, except for books. I want and need them.

Pam said...

I have everything that I need and a little of what I want. I keep it under control by having the 1 in 2 out rule, it keeps me from "needing" too much.

Jennyff said...

I have all I need, probably too many t shirts and cropped trousers, I am trying to go for quality over quantity, that applies to friends too, Glad you had such a nice day filled with people who enhance your life.

Heather said...

I discovered that I 'needed' a small pot of white cyclamen today - I couldn't resist them and they look lovely on my dining table.
Your breakfast outing was obviously a success and must have been such fun. So pleased you have a ready supply of excellent companions.

Anonymous said...

I buy what I need and want and occasionally, well, go crazy. But, I do ask myself whether I need or want something. I have refrained from buying more clothes as I have a closet full. You are a wonder Pat and very lucky to have such good friends. I'm sure they feel likewise. Do they offer baked goods there for breakfast like, donuts, coffee cakes, cinnamon buns, etc.? I like those types of things in the morning. Donna@gather

angryparsnip said...

Nice day with wonderful friends, who think the same of you, wonderful.
You made me laugh when you talked about want and need. I never bought any extra when I was married. Everything went into the x's business and the kids and our homelife.
But after our home burned down (wildfire) we were left with nothing Christmas was just around the corner, a Scotty Puppy was wanted and needed. After the x walked out another Scotty was needed and wanted.
No need to mention the 2 new Scotty purses I just bought !

cheers, parsnip and badger

Gail, northern California said...

I grew up very poor and those images are hard to shake, but I'm going to be 74 years old next month, my grown son and daughter are doing just fine so I have finally reached this point: "If not now, when?"

Bea said...

I really should buy only what is needed, but do tend to dip into the 'want territory' more than I'd like to admit.

Granny Sue said...

When children grow up and get busy with lives of their own, and the grandchildren do the same, it seems to be our friends and our siblings who then become the center of our lives once again. At least, I am finding that to be true.

About buying: I buy what I need, but also sometimes just for a little bit of joy when I find something particularly suited to me. I seldom buy anything new, being a great shopper of thrifts. Being a seller of vintage and antique things has taught me that the world is awash in stuff, so I try not to add to the huge volume of things that will one day be in a landfill. That consciousness guides my personal buying.

Cro Magnon said...

Do I really NEED to eat 'Foie gras'? No, I'll have to stick with WANT. I'm afraid that if I want something I buy it; regardless. Naughty, I know.

Librarian said...

I could sign Derek's comment about buying, and Diane's about your friends.
Nothing wrong with buying what we want if we still have enough to buy what we need - all in balance. I never replace anything that's perfectly fine only to have a newer version of it; some of my stuff (even clothes, yes) I keep and use for decades.
Of course, never having had children, I have always been able to spend money on myself without having to consider the needs of a family.

Being able to maintain long-standing friendships says a lot about a person.

Rachel Phillips said...

A 'collector of handbags' prevented me from focusing any more as she was the one who quoted St Benedicts Law. I regret I then lost the plot.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Rachel - I shall tell your comments to C when I see her tomorrow - we are always telling her this - handbags are her blind spot.

What an interesting lot of comments - like Librarian above I have clothes I have worn for a couple of decades - that is mainly because I paid rather a lot for good quality ones in the first place. I have a friend who buys all her clothes very cheaply on e bay and such like and she dresses like a fashion plate - so it is all down to taste I suppose. But we are lucky if we are able to treat ourselves now and again.

Thanks for commenting.

Anonymous said...

Pat- one of the many things I admire about you is how you find the joy in the life. Your blog is very uplifting. And I thinking buying a few things because you want them is also joyful (tho buying everything you want is probably the path to madness!). cathy

coffeeontheporchwithme said...

Your group of friends sound wonderful, and you probably keep each other going, and give you something to look forward to. I still find it a little more difficult to spend money on myself. One thing I wish we would spend more on, is hiring people to do things for us (e.g. house remodelling) rather than doing it ourselves. I think I'd be happier paying someone else. If I had a "downfall" when it comes to shopping, it might be boots. -Jenn

the veg artist said...

Like Gail, I'm in an "If not now, when?" position, but the habit of being frugal is a hard one to break.

elf said...

Dear Weaver,
Your blogs are so interesting.
I work from home and visiting blogs makes up my little breaks.
Nice to imagine the lives of others and their circles of friends.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Thanks - I might cheer you up reading the above comments - and thank you for saying so - but I can assure you it is reciprocal - your comments and your posts cheer me up too.

jagbir said...

Usually, I never comment on blogs but your article is so convincing that I never stop myself to say something about it. You’re doing a great job Man. Best article I have ever read

Keep it up!

Simon Douglas Thompson said...

A long and good day Pat! Looks constructive and enjoyable.

liparifam said...

LOL - if we all just had what we NEED, I guess we'd all live in a tiny house, and have food, basic clothing, and medicine, and not much else! Most of what we all have is "wants" if you think about it. TVs, computers, cell phones, books, music, even automobiles in most cases are not really necessary to live.. So I guess it's more a case of "needs and reasonable wants" vs "extravagance"; and extravagance is very subjective and certainly varies as our income rises and falls...

Jacqui said...

Hello, I'm Jacqui, I'm new to your blog and I am enjoying reading your posts. My family didn't have very much money when I was a child, and I remember having to wait for many things, but the joy when the waiting ended, and I could have something was a special feeling that I still remember today. I still like to save and be thrifty, but my indulgence, in terms of buying something I like but don't really need, is coffees at coffee shops - I go most days and love relaxing with a paper and a flat white, or a mocha!

EM Griffith said...

As usual, I've a smile on my face. Your blog posts are so interesting! As for the question, I'd say it probably has to do more with stage in life than anything else. In younger years (especially with children to raise) money is often tight. Splurging on wants can cut into funds for needs. But my father-in-law just passed away this week at age 81, my mother-in-law has metastasized (terminal) kidney cancer at age 77, and my own mother was just hospitalized and will now be in a rehabilitation home until she can recover. My in-laws have always been very frugal. My mother loves to buy new, pretty clothing from time to time and (like you) enjoy meals out with friends. Either way of living at their ages hasn't changed the outcome. So, as one gets older, if there are funds for "treats", why not indulge a little? No one gets to take money along when we leave this earth and an inheritance is a gift, not a requirement.

Derek Faulkner said...

I agree with Elise - there's no point in being the richest person in the graveyard.

Librarian said...

Derek, this comment made my morning!

The Weaver of Grass said...

Well said Derek - I may well go out and buy that sweater I covet today (that is if i can fit it into the overlowing wardrobe!

Liparifam makes a good point too.
And welcome Jacqui - hope you enjoy our journey together.

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Derek Faulkner said...

Go for it Pat, it's also known as S.K.I - "spending the kid's inheritance"

Meanqueen said...

I know I can't have everything I want. I have everything I need so if I am careful with my spending I can afford a few not too expensive wants. I have been quite skint in the past, but now I'm ok.