Good morning again! It is good to 'clock in' and get the old brain working. Sometimes it takes a bit of waking up these days. At least it isn't blowing a gale outside, like it has been doing for a few days here; not much like Summer. And yesterday's rain at Wimbledon was horrendous for the organisational staff there - but my plants would have been delighted if it had been so up here - but never a drop.
Bursitis has descended on my right hip. Not serious but very annoying as bedtime has become a problem. Upright I can carry on but lying down is a different matter. The Physiotherapist is paying me a home visit next Wednesday. In the meantime I have to take pain killers and grin and bear it. Hopefully what I have been thinking was 'restless legs' will disappear with her treatment.
There is a 'tongue in cheek' article in Times 2 today (a lot of the stuff in this daily addition to the 'proper' Times is written in a 'tongue in cheek' manner). But before I read the article I thought about the title - 'The seven rules to save a marriage'. How strange words are aren't they? I thought about the word 'save'. And I thought about my piggy bank as a child - pocket money was meagre in those far off days but I was always encouraged by my parents to put one penny of my weekly amount into piggy 'for a rainy day'. Rainy days didn't come but if I wanted something like a book or a special cardigan or dress then out would come piggy, a knife from a knife drawer, tip piggy upside down and rattle the knife about 'til the coins fell out on the table. Sometimes my Uncle Tom (always considered the family blacksheep because of his propensity to dance on the bar table in The Bull after a few pints) would slip me a half crown (remember them?) and if I dearly wanted something and was saving up then among the farthings, ha'pennies and pennies the odd silver coin would rattle on the table. Oh the thrill of counting it and piling up the coins on the table. Then 'save' became an exciting word -the opposite of 'spend'!
But 'save' a marriage? Surely you want to 'spend' a marriage - enjoy it, keep it full of exciting things that you enjoy doing as a family.
Then I read the article - about some 'celebrity' I had never heard of who briefly left his wife for a different model and then returned home 'to the fold'..
Then the article - three more 'celebrities' wrote their 7 rules to put in their 'piggy banks' to 'save' a marriage.. Hannah Betts - don't leave the lavatory seat up when you have been to the bathroom, or Michael Odell - 'crushes' might be inevitable but stop rushing to the door when the 'hot young Amazon delivery person ' rings the bell. Or Stuart Heritage - split domestic chores neatly down the middle (except mowing the lawn which neither partner will do until the neoghbours complain again').
I tried to think of minor irritations in either of my marriages - couldn't think of one. But they do say 'distance makes the heart grow fonder'. My marriages ended a long time ago (first one in 1991 with M's death from Kidney cancer) and (second one in 2017 from Brain Glioblastoma)). Such events especially as both are now distant memories certainly sit in my mental piggy, often shaken out and looked at - but not spent - just put back for another day. And the knife kept handy in the knife drawer.
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23 comments:
I feel sorry for the couple at the centre of this story. Both successful actors with two young children, the husband recently very publicly left his wife for his co-star, who left her husband. It only lasted a few weeks, and whilst he 'returned to the fold', they are trying to safeguard their future. I imagine it will take more effort on his part than putting the loo seat down to reassure his wife that it will not happen again.
There was a very similar article in the Telegraph supplement today about marriage. I always think that citing something as "tongue in cheek" is a safeguard that allows the author to say, "only joking" should the article offend.
You were indeed very fortunate in both marriages. Thankfully no knives required!
I also had a piggy bank for my savings as a child, except that mine had a little cap underneath that could be prised open to get at the pennies inside. One year I remember that I had saved the huge amount of 13 shillings and sixpence in order to buy Christmas presents for my parents and siblings. I felt like a millionaire.
The word "save" a marriage indicates the marriage is already on the brink. As children, we were also taught to save. We opened a bank and an investment account for our son at a very young age and to this day he invests and saves wisely.
If I were to come up with an irritation in my marriage it would be the division of domestic chores. I always had a chip on my shoulder about how much more of the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping I once did. That irritation is mostly gone since we've retired because I've discovered having more time has taken the sting out of 'most' domestic chores. My husband has also taken over virtually all of the grocery shopping. He also orders and picks up the take-out once/twice a week. Now, if he would only pick up a toilet brush and figure out its purpose...
Do you remember when the Post Office had little booklets for children to save saving stamps? I had one and I can't remember how much each stamp was worth, perhaps 1d or 2d.
Joan - indeed I do - thanks for the memory. Post Office Savings Bank.
Avoid gardening and put a packet of frozens peas on your hip and take a painkiller. Drink a tonic water with or without the gin and sleep all night.
Minor irritations? Too many to list! But I love him anyway, and I know I have OCD tendencies. But things like coffee cup rings all over the furniture, not closing cupboard doors, tracking through the house in muddy shoes...sigh. I will never have a Saintly Wife halo.
I like the concept of using a knife to get out your memories.
I love today's post and your take on things, Pat!
IMHO, Obeying the law and monogamy are daily choices, no matter your age or fame. DH and I have been married 52+ years and still occasionally say, "We haven't killed each other - yet!"
Hugs!
Speaking as the person who doesn’t believe in marriage, hot married for all the wrong reasons, mentally divorced and am still with him 48 years later…I agree with you about “save” vs “spend”. Save is to squirrel something away for a later date. Spend means enjoy. I am happy to say I spend my relationship everyday. We don’t have children or family - so basically it’s just us. Just as well we get along!
Fab post Weaver of Grass
Rachel - sadly I can only avoid gardening as my steep garden is up steps. My only task is dead geading pansies which are at waist height.
Physio's advice is a wheat bag warmed in themicrowave not frozen peas - this is not muscle pain Rachel it is inflamation of the bursa.
I was aware of the gardening problems. I was thinking of the leaning over dead heading. As for inflammation, if that's what she says I leave that to the physio but frozen peas are always my first go to and an ibuprofen for any inflammation.
Surely one has left it too late to if a marriage needs to be saved. Marriage needs to be worked at on a daily basis, assuming we all have the odd annoying habit and possibly some more than others.
Hope you have a more comfortable night and that the physio will work some magic for you.
Wow Weave, even with a time factor considered, you couldn't think of one minor irritation in either of your marriages! That's astounding, and admirable on your part.
I read somewhere that you marry someone who's faults suit you, and have thought that to be a wonderful and apt saying.
Hope your hip gets better soon. x - Pam.
Hope your hip straightens out soon. I found yesterday's post quite interesting. It was a weakness in our family to show any emotion but anger. Isn't that strange? I am not sure when that changed for me.
Joan mentioned books with savings stamps. I remember that the stamps had pictures of Prince Charles aged about 4/5 and a very young Princess Anne.( with a halo of blonde curls!) I think one of the stamps was 6d not sure about the other. I must have been encouraged to save as I always have and still do to a certain extent. My Premium Bonds coughed up £225 this month! Usually £25 or nothing!
My father was an accountant so of course I had a piggy. He opened a savings account for me in the trust company where he worked when I was born and it was so long ago that my account number was only two digits long! As far as marriage, my second husband had been well trained in the RAF when he had to do two years. He also had five sisters, so he had a pretty good idea of women. His only bad thing was snoring, but now that he is gone I would give anything to hear those snorts again. We always got along and didn’t have to try. It was so easy. He was really easygoing as they say.
I suppose the word "save" has at least two different meanings, but I find staying in a marriage requires patience, self-sacrifice and understanding, which my wife dutifully practices and is better at than I. Also commenting on yesterday's post -- as I have grown older, the emotions seem to have become more prevalent. I saw the same in my father, whom I scarcely every saw cry until after my mother died. Like you, not at the funeral, but in the nine years and three months he lived after her death, the waterworks were plentiful. I think it was therapeutic for him.
I’ve had bursitis
Painkillers, ice
Gentle movement
That’s all you can do xx
Rachel - interesting about Ibuprofen - several friends have said how good it is/ I am prescribed Paracetamol (eight a day which I rarely take ) I intend to ask the
doctor whether ibuprofen is compatible with my epilepsy drug - if so I might give it a try.
Thanks everyone - your replies, as usual, are so interesting. As usual I wish we were all together to discuss.
Gosh, that brought back memories. I too had a piggy bank that you needed to use a knife to access.
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