Friday 24 March 2023

Habit?

 Hello everyone - it is nice to be back after the horrible, intrusive scam - without my dear son who has - hopefully -sorted it out for me with the help of a brilliant BT, I think I would abandoned my computer for ever.

I have had several quiet days (as I am still in the process of gradually changing my drugs) because I was afraid of another attack.

Looking round my sitting room the other day I thought about just how tidy I am.   This may be a fault or an asset, depending upon your point of view.  I have been like this as far back as I can remember.   My mother was the same.   So is my tidiness learned behaviour?

My principal carer, J, is exactly the same, so that when she leaves after her morning hour my bungalow is exactly as I like it to be.  Should I worry about this almost obsessive behaviour on my part I wonder?   I am only happy when everything is in its right place (even on my trolley/walking aid)!

My dear son, who has been wonderful helping me and sorting everything out on my computer this week, came yesterday.   It was pouring with rain (we are having sunshine interrupted by frequent heavy, thundery showers).   He came dashing in as he always does, conscious of not leaving his invalid wife longer than necessary.  He came into the sitting room with his tablet, plonking his wellies on the carpet by a bookshelf.   I (aware of the fact that they might be wet/muddy underneath) waited until he was absorbed with a phone call (he is still working through things to do with my scam) then got out of my chair, put the said wellies on my trolley and wheeled them into the bathroom where there is an easily wiped floor!).  He didn't realise what I had done until he was ready to go when he began wondering where he had put them as they were not where he thought.   We had a good laugh about it (you will realise from this that he has not really inherited my 'tidiness' habit).

So what is it that makes some of us like this and others not at all like it?   I am truly aware that it is almost an obsession but I am afraid at 90 I am unlikely to change.  The fact that J is the same is something of a comfort (she and her partner live in an open plan flat).

So where do you fit in this conundrum?   Are you obsessively tidy or are you happy with things  'out of their usual place in the scheme of things' or are you indeed obsessively untidy?   I know it doesn't matter in the giant scheme of life.  All that really matters is that we are comfortable and happy with the way we live.  And when I look at how people are having to live in war-torn Ukraine at the moment, I feel almost ashamed at how I feel.  I would love to know what you think.

37 comments:

Donna said...

Glad your Son was able to sort out the scam!
I'm one of those people that likes it to be tidy around me...I'm not obsessive about it but I just like it neat and clean. I don't worry when the grandchildren come...I just fix things back when they've gone.
hugs
Donna

Karla said...

Pat, so glad you got the scam all sorted. These computers - both wonderful and slightly a curse! I think that you're right, whatever it takes for you to feel comfortable in your home is just fine. It's easier when you live alone. When I lived at home, there were 7 people in the house, and it never seemed to be neat and tidy. I shared a bedroom with the messiest sibling on the planet, and it drove me to put masking tape down and proclaim that if her stuff came across that line, I could do what I want with it. I don't actually remember what happened after that! I cannot live in clutter, it makes me itch. I prefer the Scandinavian philosophy - less is more, while my hubs prefers more of everything and all of it neatly out on display, just too much for me. Grrr. Ergo, I do not dust, he does!

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about the scam - thank goodness for clever kids, eh?

I have 2 clever kids; one is very tidy and sort of mildly irritated frequently by anyone who isn't. The other seems to create and live in a lot more stuff (to put it mildly). I am probably somewhere in the middle - having an elderly very fragrant dog seems to leave a trail of things that need to be cleaned up.

Cheers!

Ceci

Heather said...

So pleased your son sorted everything out for you.
I prefer my flat to be tidy - it makes life much easier. However, I am guilty of letting things slide a little here and there (mostly cupboards and drawers) and have to spend time getting ship-shape again. I think my 'tidiness' increased when my husband first became ill. He was not tidy and would strew the space around his chair with newspapers, worrying me about him slipping on them. Now I make sure there is nothing I could slip on, or be buried under the contents of a cupboard if I opened the door!

Rachel Phillips said...

Untidy and happy with it.

Anonymous said...

“A place for everything and everything in its place” does make keeping a tidy home easier. We are quite good at that part - it’s moving furniture and painful bending that makes deep cleaning hard at this stage of life…….
Glad your son helped despite his muddy boots!!!

the veg artist said...

I think I'm 50/50. Tidy enough, but relaxed with it. When my sister was first married she insisted that cushions were plumped and returned to their proper position every time anyone left their seat - even if they would be back in a few minutes. Then she had two boys!!

Ellen D. said...

My home is clean enough but I am not overly tidy. I have a relaxed view of "clean" and never mind when visitors make a mess as long as they keep visiting! I just want everyone to feel at home.

Jennyff said...

Yes I am tidy too, it makes life much simpler and pleasant. When we have visitors who don’t have the same attitude I find it quite annoying that they are oblivious to the chaos they create. For example one guest threw his jacket on to the dining table that I’d already set for our meal together, I removed it immediately. Nice to have you back Pat.

Marcia LaRue said...

Tidy enough to be presentable; messy enough to be comfy and look lived in!!

JayCee said...

I am happier when the house is neat and tidy, although I don't feel that I am obsessive about it. My other half may possibly disagree with that last part!

Derek Faulkner said...

Marcia described my house exactly.
The stress that must come from your obsession Pat, must be hard to live with.

Mary said...

It doesn't take much more effort to be neat than to live in a mess. I think it is a matter of whatever makes a person feel comfort. I have a friend who thinks my place is too neat and I would like to take a broom and mop to hers! Different strokes for different folks.

jinxxxygirl said...

I like everything in its place Pat. I have an island in my kitchen that is a place for constant clutter to collect.. Its an easy place to just drop something so i'am always finding homes for what is left there.. Hubby is very little help in this matter..

I don't feel like i stress over it but then i'am much less stressed when everything is in its place so what does that say..lol Ofcourse back when i worked and had children at home and tried to juggle everything i was much less successful at keeping everything in its place but now i can manage it most of the time.. I KNOW i do not like people to just 'drop' in for a visit. That is a pet peeve of mine.. One my husband does not quite understand.. But i like a little heads up if you plan on coming for a visit so i can do a little spit and polish to my already usually tidy place.. You? Hugs! debs

Barbara Anne said...

Since both DH and I were only children, we inherited too much stuff and our kids don't seem to want any of it (sigh) despite all of the furniture is made of excellent old growth wood because the furniture is old, too! DS1 calls it 'dead peoples' furniture but we call it well made furniture. Much of it belonged to our parents and some to our grandparents but it's sturdy and lovely. Sadly, we don't seem to have the "sell it" gene as that seems a bother.
We'll not talk about my prodigious fabric stash in my too small sewing room! :)
I can live with some clutter as long as I know where important things are.

Hugs!

Rachel Phillips said...

My experience of tidy people is that the are always losing things because they don't know where they put them. I am untidy and I know where everything is. Even for untidy people everything has its place. It may not look that way but it does.

Pixie said...

I'm tidy and I like living in a tidy house. I have been cleaning and painting a filthy apartment condo for the past 2.5 weeks and when I came home it was wonderful to step back into my own lovely, tidy home. It allows me to relax. I'm not obssessive about it but just like it so. I think at the age of ninety you are unlikely to change:)

I'm sorry to hear you were scammed. I hope you swore at them, a lot. Take care.

gz said...

Good habits!
I like to be tidy...but it unravels when I get busy with projects or gardening. The theory is good but the practice gets distracted by "can you just give me a hand/do this/leave that for now"....

The Weaver of Grass said...

I am sure you are right Rachel. I don't often lose things other than looking for my specs when I am wearing them.
There is a subtle difference between clutter and untidiness I think. Barbara Anne
Derek - on the contrary - I get stressed if it is untidy - tidiness to me means comfort and relaxation.

Anonymous said...

I was telling my daughter about you getting scammed and she reminded me about the old scam going around, where they call and say your grandson is in jail and needs money to get out, you probably know how it goes, so she laughed and said she told her son that there is no way I would give them money. I would just say “keep him there”. G.G.

Victoria said...

I think having a place for everything is very useful. When you need the scissors, or your last tax form you don't waste time looking for it, it is most likely where it is supposed to be. I am not a particularly tidy person, unless it is something that I really must keep track of. It's as if I can be organized but really only if I have to be-----it is not an inborn trait. My husband on the other hand is very organized and tidy and fortunately he doesn't expect everyone else in the world be the same-----for many tidy folks that just doesn't compute and then they must be very hard to live with.

Debby said...

When I had children at home and a full time job, my housekeeping was a lot more lax, because I had no time for 'perfect'. One by one the children left...less laundry, less time cooking and cleaning up, and I noticed that my house got neater. When we are in a big project, the housework slips. Now I (again)have a child in the house who leaves a trail of clutter. I am constantly reminding him to pick up. I don't stress about it though.

Bea said...

My mother is obsessively tidy and I grew up with that 'vibe', if you will, all around me. I don't much embody that myself, but I very much appreciate others' tidy spaces. I mostly practice a sort of 'mise en place' routine at home, but fall short of the mark often. My husband is rather a slob, so that doesn't help much.

Red said...

I classify myself as random chaotic. Check my blog posts. they are all over the place.

Cro Magnon said...

I'm afraid to say that I'm a terrible scruff, and very untidy. I grew up in a home where 'Victorian Clutter' was the main interior style. I do enjoy the cosiness of it, but feel slightly guilty at the same time.

Hilde said...

I used to be very untidy and let the mess grow until I could not bear it any longer. Then I would do a great clean-up, throw away things and was very happy about the state of my surroundings. But after a period of neatness I would begin to let things slide again - and so on. I thought nothing of going away for a few days with the beds unmade and the breakfast plates and cups still on the table. Now I can not even go to the baker without having made the beds, tidied the kitchen and the living room and taken out the garbage! The funny thing is that my husband used to be very tidy and now leaves "nests" of his things all over the house and I always tidy up after him because I cannot stand what I would not even have noticed twenty years ago.
Hilde in Germany

Librarian said...

As I live on my own, things stay exactly where I put them, and I usually know where everything is and hardly ever need to spend time looking for something. I enjoy being in a clean and tidy flat, but I don‘t mind when others have more clutter or are less tidy/clean - as long as their mess does not lap over into my space.

thelma said...

Me I am moderately tidy I think. But your last paragraph at least tells us to count our blessings for our own circumstances when measured against having to live in a freezing cold basement in Ukraine.

Melinda from Ontario said...

I love things tidy. I've tried to get my sons and husband on board by creating places for their things to go, eg., the key bowl, the hidden shoe rack, the gloves and hat basket. They make an effort to put their things away but they're still prone to kicking off their shoes and leaving them by the door. I find myself picking up their shoes and putting them on the rack myself. I can't stand the sight of shoes lying willy-nilly in front of the door.

wherethejourneytakesme2 said...

So sorry to hear of your recent scam. I will leave this advice for anyone reading here - There have been programs recently on the TV specifically about how not to get taken in with scams (they might be on catch up)especially when the scammer makes it sound urgent that you do something and often that doing something is about moving money. Never ever let anyone take control of your computer, or ask to install anything no matter how plausible they sound, or give a full passsword out over the phone, most institutions will only ever ask for certain parts of a password like the first, second and fifth letter/number. If you are really not sure take their phone number to ring them back and check it out on Google - there are plenty of 'is this a scam' sites. If they are not for real they will hang up quickly. If it is a bank don't ring the number they give you but one that you know is your bank.
It is a good idea to always keep a computer back up - once a week on an external hard drive (they can be bought very cheaply) - they are easy to run and can be set to do once a week automatically - or even once a month. Then if anyone says your computer will go down if you don't do x,y or z you can just say well let it.
A tip from our IT guy at work was to make sure that you cover the camera lense above the screen over (if you have one)when not in use eg for zoom calls etc (Wasi tape works well as it won't leave sticky marks and you can peel it off many times)- I know it might seem paranoid but hackers can infect your computer with a virus (called camfecting) and see you through the lens to know if you are elderly and vulnerable and you would never know someone was watching. This can happen if you have given someone access to your computer - it happened to a friend of mine.
When I was at work our large computer network was held to ransom one day by a Russian hacker who had got into our system to infect it but we would not pay him the ransom money instead we used our back up system but had to loose 2 days information and work but it is best not to give these people what they want.

Have a good day Pat - sorry this turned out to be a bit of an essay!!

The Weaver of Grass said...

Many thanks for any advice about scams.
Thanks also for your interesting and often very amusing thoughts on tidiness - feeling a bit fraught and sad after the scam it was good to read them all.

John Going Gently said...

Untidy and not happy with it

Gerry Snape said...

I was not a naturally tidy person...but early in my homemaking an older friend told me the easiest way to keep tidy is never go upstairs without an item that belongs up...or down with an item that belonged down. There you have my housekeeping!!

Susan said...

I consider myself generally neat and tidy. Not nasty neat! My mother was nasty neat and railed when anything was out-of-order. I do like to be able to find things and everything has a place. My son and his father are exactly the opposite. Rather than put something away and finding it again when they want it, they will go out and buy another. Drives me nuts.

lynney62 said...

Hello Weave...I am very "ocd"...have been ever since I was a child (neat playrooms, etc) I worked 40+ years as a RN and knew I was very "task oriented"....placing hourly meds for my patient's trays was very "ocd" on a special med tray, I kept notes for my hourly duties, and charting was done hourly. I became ACLS certified and always knew (in my mind) what step to take first, and what steps were followup. I am retired now and have finally found some peace! I never wear a watch, never set an alarm clock, have no IPhone (when working I wore 2 phones and 2 beepers for 12 hrs)....I take afternoon naps when I feel like it. My little house is neat and clean but I only dust and vac "when I feel like"....But every kitchen cupboard is set "accordingly" ...bath towels are folded exact...my OCD lives on but not quite as much as when I was younger. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Pat, I am in the neat, orderly but not spotless group. I guess a pet peeve of mine is when others think there is something wrong with us when we are different to them. Insecure people often make assumptions that our way is wrong when we do not match their own thoughts and actions. Celebrate differences and accept that we are a varied bunch - this makes us all far more interesting! As always, I enjoy your topics more than words can express. Jackie in Georgia USA

The Weaver of Grass said...

Another topic where we could sit for hours in my sitting room with a drink (gandt anyone) and never stop exchanging views. Thank you eveyone. You inspire me.