After the big freeze of yesterday when everyone stayed put indoors because it was literally impossible to stand up because everywhere was so icy, today is relatively warmer - at least above freezing. At Hawes - fifteen miles or so up Dale they had nine or ten inches of snow (we had none here) it thawed so quickly that the river 'came over' = a regular occurrence.
It isn't a particularly nice day but at least for the time being it is not quite so cold.
A question for you today. There have been two big televised events here his week-end. One, on Saturday evening, was the final of "Strictly Come Dancing" and the other on Sunday afternoon the Final of World Cup Football between Argentina and France.
Let's just think about the first one for a moment. Four couples in the final - three women and one man and in each case taught by a partner of the opposite sex. We all had our favourites of course - in my case I favoured Hamza a young man from I think Nigeria (certainly an African country) and I thought his dancing was wonderful. The judges noticed that in one of the three dances on the final evening he went wrong but quickly picked up without dropping a step. I suppose you could argue that this should have lost him the contest but in the event he and his partner won the cup. They were all brilliant and the winners were chosen by the public. Derek on my blog in his comment suggested that he was always helped by the fact he was so easily moved to tears which gave him public sympathy.
In the football final the next day I am sure you all know that after a thrilling final Argentina beat France and I have to say looking round the spectators that after the final whistle there was hardly a dry eye in the house - Argentinians crying with joy because they had won, France in tears because they had lost.
Derek suggested (and if I misread you Derek I do apologise) that grown men don't cry and that one shouldn't call on the tears button to sway the imagination. I thought back to the men in my life to see how they fitted into the equation.
As far as my husbands were concerned neither were over emotional - the only time I saw either of them cry was upon the death of their mothers. A friend caught my husband in tears once when I was taken into hospital by air ambulance.
But my father, who I loved dearly and who was a good, solid, hard working man all his life was moved to tears at the drop of a hat. He loved poetry (today I was struggling to tidy my bookshelves while holding on to my walking aids and I dropped a book on the floor - 'The Way to Poetry' - I opened it on the title page and it said 'To Dad for Christmas 1949 (I was 17) with love from Pat ,that brought tear to my eyes for a second).
But he could and did cry often. He read poetry often and would cry while reading it - especially if it was about nature and the countryside. But the incident I remember most - and i may have told you this before - was when only he and I were left at home on my wedding day, waiting for my flowers to come and he said something along the lines of I mustn't mind if he cried when they came - it didn 't mean he didn't wish me to marry M (my first husband) it was just that he loved me. Such a fond memory. And did it mean he was a weak man or that he was after my sympathy? I think not.
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23 comments:
I don't think Derek meant that in his comment, just that the man did a lot of crying and may have got some sympathy vote or something. (I do not watch Strictly myself).
What lovely memories of your dad! I tend to cry when I am very very happy (e.g. when one of my babies was released from the hospital after a scare) and when I am furious (this was a perhaps a handicap at work sometimes, people thought I was sad or upset when I actually felt homicidal). The men in my life have not been big criers, perhaps unfortunately for their emotional health. Or maybe they are just happy?
ceci
Lovely memories. Well remembered and told Pat xx
I only remember seeing my dad cry once and that was when his youngest sister died, aged 29.
I don't think I have seen many men of my acquaintance cry, actually.
My Dad cried at my wedding, perhaps because I was grown up or maybe because I was wearing my mother's wedding dress from their 1943 wedding.
DH tears up more often mow that we're past 70 but he's a wonderful, strong, smart, capable man and always has been, lo these 50 years.
Hugs!
I find myself on the edge of tears constantly these days, but I seem to be able to hold them back usually - like the World Cup final for instance.
Your father sounds like a lovely tender hearted man.
My mother confided in me that I had hardly left our driveway on the way to a new life with my new husband 1000 miles away the day after our wedding, that she found my dad crying behind the garage. We were really not that close, so that was a big surprise to me.
I admire a man who can let his emotional tears flow. It's good for all of us.
I never saw my father cry. I saw my husband cry once when his mother was dying in England and he had to return to the US.
I admit to being a sniffler. Some things just bring out a tear. It has nothing to do with being manly or not manly. It has to do with being in touch and sensitive about things. Good memory about your Dad.
My comment is similar to Ana Dunk's.
It surprised me when an aunt found my father, not behind the garage, but the backyard almond tree, crying, when I was 20.
We were not that close either. My mother was inside consoling me on the breakup of a young marriage. I had just driven there in tears. I was distraught when my husband left, but they took me in and nursed me back to health, as I was painfully thin with the heartbreak of it all. I didn't expect his reaction, as he just seemed to shrug when I left home at 17, but perhaps that almond tree knew more than me.
Mum never saw him cry in their marriage, but I found him when I was around 14 at their kitchen table when he thought my younger brother and I had gone to bed. Mum was struggling in hospital.
I kept that a secret, until I defended him against my mother's barrage in later years that he was unemotional and uncaring. Shocked him I think!-Pam.
I'm rather like your father, I am easily moved to tears. I didn't watch much 'Strictly', but I did see one of the earlier programmes and predicted at once that Hamza would win. He deserved it.
Icy roads and walkways over here made for hundreds of accidents yesterday mornings, A&Es full of people who had fallen on their way to work or school. Thankfully, we had none of that, and it turned out a good day for a walk - my first one in a week!
No Strictly or World Cup watching for me, but sometimes I watch other shows where people shed tears either because they have lost or won.
Your Dad sounds a lovely man, and your memories of him are precious.
My Dad became more emotional as his big operation drew nearer. He talked about friends who had died in recent years, and he knew his operation was risky. Well, his heart stopped twice on the operating table, and he only lived for another 5 1/2 weeks afterwards. In hospital, more than once he cried in his bed, saying he wanted to go home. It broke my heart every time, and when he stopped asking to go home, it was almost worse.
I haven't got a problem with men crying Pat, although it's something I very rarely do, and Rachel got it right with her comment. I can be very emotional at times but it's unlikely to end in tears.
I just felt that because Hanza seemed over emotional a lot of the time, he was always going to appeal to soft-hearted women voters at home and therefore increase his chances of winning, which seems how it turned out.
The men folk in my family were and are passionate about nature and animals but they don't cry. I think men who cry have emotional problems and are probably very slightly depressed or over anxious about something and that is why they cry, not because they are any more emotional about nature etc. than the next man. I would have been embarrassed to see my father cry but he was a very caring and loving man nonetheless.
Thank you for your inteeresting comments. One thing I didn't say - in fact I didn't think of it until late - his three sons read a poem about him and it made me cry. - the older I get the more easily I am moved to tears - like yesterday watching the memorial service for the rugby player who has just died of MND
I suppose it depends on why someone is crying. Strong but good emotions, like your father on your wedding day are quite unlike the tears of someone who cries because something has gone wrong. I think the whole experinece of dancing, finding out that he was good at it, and that people were voting for him was a bit overwhelming (Sudan, by the way) for someone who spends months behind a camera lens. I imagine that as far as the voting public was concerned he was quite well known for his nature programmes for young children, so already popular.
I haven't watched many men in my life cry and always put it down to the theory it is unmanly to cry. Which is of course a nonsense to say. Neither have I watched the two programmes you mention Pat. Tears after all spring from a well of emotion and we cannot deny emotion, whether it be in men or women.
I am an 85 year old very emotional man,I must admit that I cry Happy Tears quite often. I am blessed to have enjoyed a life filled with happy events.With my children, grandchildren and Great grandchildren. I was not in England when my parents died but I am sure sad tears would have flowed had I been there. My youngest son has inherited my propensity for happy tears,I guess we were infront of the line when emotion was distributed.But I have never been ashamed of my emotional reactions, my family understand that I sometimes cry because I am so proud of them and what they mean to me
I can't remember my father crying but perhaps part of the reason was that men were meant to be 'strong'. My husband can become teary, as he did at our wedding and his mother's funeral. I don't understand why some people think that men crying is a sign of weakness or depression etc - surely men are allowed to have feelings and express themselves these days.
I think men crying at funerals and weddings of their nearest and dearest is totally natural. I don't think it is a sign of weakness. However, if Norfolk farmers started crying every time they saw the beauty of nature in their fields they would never get any work done because they wouldn't be able to see out of their tractors through the tears.
Men in my family cry sometimes. My Dad, my sons, my husband. Life can throw us some hard, sad, terrible things...and also times of great joy and happiness. I have not been much of a cryer in my life, but am more so as I get older. When my sons left home, or left for overseas military duty, I did not let them see me cry. I did not want them feeling bad or worrying about me. Nowadays, even small things, a movie, whatever, can bring tears, which surprises me. I usually try to hide them.
The story about your Dad, that brought a few tears. Just so poignant. Thank you for sharing it.
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