Do you have any regrets? This month's Saga magazine seems to suggest in an article that we all have regrets. So I sat down and asked myself whether I had any. Yes - a few - maybe we all do. My biggest regret and one about which I can really do nothing, is sending my son away to Boarding School when he was eight years old. The school was only abour thirty miles away and he never said he hated it. He spent his first term there, came home for the holidays, went back and two days later he ran away. Luckily he and the boy who had gone with him were found after one day. He came home and we never sent him back. He went to a school literally round the corner from where we lived until he was thirteen and then we moved house to a town where there was a school he could attend. At the time I was training to be a teacher. I did not know what I know now and it was not a sensible thing to do but both my husband and I thought he would like it. We were wrong. I have spoken to him at length about it - all he has said is that he has 'got over it' and so should I. I don't often think of it - but when I do I regret it.
No regrets in either marriage. Yes, I would have liked to stay on at school until I was eighteen and then gone on to university - but I didn't come from that kind of background and it never it entered my head that I could stay on over sixteen and I am sure it never entered my parents' heads either. Do I regret it? No - I went in my late twenties, enjoyed it hugely and just saw myself as a late developer.
I have had an interesting and fulfilling life, two very happy marriages - 39 years and 23 years. What has there been to regret, Perhaps I have been lucky. Perhaps I can't think of anything. Perhaps I belong to an age where you just got on with whatever hand life dealt you. One thing is certain, we didn't give our parents the tough times that many do now, I really can't remember my son giving either my husband or me a single moment of worry after the boarding school episode. And I can remember so many happy times,
Now the local kids here seem to be in constant trouble. I live in a small town - between two and three thousand inhabitants and the local weekly paper is always full of 'crimes' committeed by local young.? Were there drugs in our day? If there were I never heard of such things. Did the young marry 'in haste'? Only a few that I remember. And divorces were few - couldn't afford such things - you stuck at it and made it work. No alternative.
Perhaps it has always been thus/ Each generation looks back on their young days and then thinks 'what is the world coming to?'
Any other thoughts today? well, there is certainly a smattering of blue sky showing so perhaps it is time for a walk. In Ukraine a battleshiphas been sunk - where will it all end? How many more brave men on both sides have to die before some uneasy cease fire is sruck leaving thousands of buildings to be rebuilt, thousands of young and old lives to be rebuilt, certainly much hatred left behind.
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30 comments:
Yes, I have a few regrets. I regret dropping out of school before finishing my A Levels; marrying the wrong person aged 19; not visiting my father often enough before he died aged 72.
I can't go back and change any of it so have learned to enjoy the life I have now.
I am glad that I am not young in today's world as it is now.
I've always tried to get through life with as few regrets as possible Pat. I regret never going to college and having a career.. I regret hiking the Appalachian Trail or Pacific Crest Trail... But there are so many things i have done.. I took a leap of faith..and flew to Germany with my 2 yr old in tow and met the wonderful man ive been married to for 33 yrs.. what if i hadn't done that.. I've been kissed on the Eiffel Tower by same man.. I could go on and on about the things i have done with my life that have fulfilled me. But i can think of very few regrets so i consider that a life well lived......Hugs! debs
I have regrets, things I wish that I'd have done differently. But then I start thinking about the good things that would not have happened if I'd have chosen differently and realized life is not there to cherry pick. It is a mix of good and bad, and we learn along the way if we are wise. In the end, we can only look back and say, "You know, I played the hand as best I could with the cards that I was dealt."
Excellent topic, and it does serve to make one reflect upon the choices we've made in life. I think I've found a few things out by asking my sons how things reflected into their childhoods. But if I hadn't made those choices then, all our lives would have turned out very differently. SO I forgive myself for some that seem mistakes later in judging them. Glad you worked through issues in your life also.
I have always wished I'd worked harder at school. I could have done better but never regretted the way my life turned out. I was an only child and wanted a family and that became my career. We were not well off, couldn't afford child care and our respective parents lived 200 miles away, so what I couldn't make we did without in the early years. It has been very rewarding although the pay was nil!
It is a lovely spring day down here with a tinge of real warmth to it. If you don't listen to the news life is good.
I am turning seventy this year and I don´t have any big regrets. Sometimes I think about the choices I made and how differently my life would have turned out, but I am happy with how it is. When I look at the state of the world, however, I feel that our generation was quite lucky. We had every reason to be optimistic. Now the world is full of gloom, Covid, climate crisis, inflation, refugees everywhere and a horrible war just 1000 miles away.
Hilde in Germany
I'm really happy at this stage in my life. I love being retired and having the time and good health to putter around and do the things I love to do. I don't have regrets about my past because somehow all of the decisions I made, the paths I chose to walk, brought me to this contented place. What plays on my mind now is that I have to live this next part of my life as well as I can. I need to do what I can to make a positive mark on this earth while I still have the energy.
There are things that I wish hadn't been as they were, but they were not in my control, so I suppose I feel I've mostly made the best of it. One big regret though is never having had a dog.
I have lots of regrets but it is too late now to change any of them so I have to let them be.
Life seems to totter on with or without us but I’m still trying for living in the now. I don’t do that as well as you I’m afraid. A few regrets but mostly thankful for all the memories and blessings given me especially family. Drugs (not medicine) and war seem to be the bane of our world these days as throughout history. As a race we seem to be very slow learners. You are such a cherished touchstone who manages to shine a light and I enjoy your company very much. Many thanks.
Your post left me thinking , thinking and thinking . No words ..sigh .. we have to leave the past in the past ,learn from it and move on .Trying not to think about the sadness in the world ..but it is such a great sadness that is happening . It can't be ignored , but on the other hand I can't do anything about it . The whole thing leaves me feeling very disturbed .So sad . So I just try and keep busy and happy in my garden .
Sometimes I look back and have regrets, at other times I think I'm the luckiest man alive.
I don't have any regrets - I could only do what seemed right at the time and thankfully each thing I choose led on to the next good thing.
It's been a very warm and cloudless day down here, almost hot at times.
Regrets, yes many, too many to be honest but we can't go backwards in life and so I just have to live with them.
Thank you for your comments - all so interesting to read.
I so enjoy this post and the comments Pat. I live my life by the mantra of ' will I regret/not regret doing this' so feel I usually make the right choice on the positive side and have little regrets. The two main questions were 'Will I regret not going to University' and the answer being yes, I did so as a mature student. Also as others were buying their homes in the early marriage years, my husband and I asked ourselves, 'Will we regret not back-packing around the world these years while we have our youth and health?', and again the answer being yes, we did so. It meant we were bound to a mortgage in the later years of our lives while others were free, but we never regretted it, especially now that travel is so restricted. - Pam.
Regrets, I have few. I aim to think on all the good things in my life, past and present. Imagine bringing up kids today, especially during the pandemic, difficult times.
Regrets? Not making better use of the wonderful free education offered to children in my era, but then, I did go to university when I was 43! So this is the life I have - who is to say that if I could choose that it would have turned out better.. great topic..
I suppose, once one has lived long enough, one is sure to have some regrets. I regret not traveling when I was younger, but getting married at 17 and having babies immediately meant travel was out of the question. I've been fortunate with my sons, all good men who have done well in life, and I can't say I regret my first marriage because there were some good years, and 4 of my sons came from it. In all, I have enjoyed my life, taking, as you say, whatever came and making it work.
As I think over your question, I do have one huge regret, and that is not being with my father the weekend he passed away. It was to be my weekend to be there, but I was scheduled to work that Sunday at the library. We were only open Sundays from October to May, and this was the first Sunday--and as a supervisor it would have looked bad had I tried to get out of it. So I worked it and swapped my "Dad" weekend with one of my sisters. I regret that terribly, as it would have been the last time to be with him--an opportunity I missed.
This is both a thoughtful and thought provoking post. My motto is: "Love many, trust few, learn to paddle your own canoe." I can honestly say, I continue to live my life quite happily.
The important lesson of mistakes is recognizing and not repeating them.
There's nothing we can really do about our regrets. I wasted my time as a student. I got by but I should have done much better.
My mother always stressed that things (even the unpleasant ones) usually happen for the eventual good, and I have found that generally to be so. Non, je ne regrette rien.
I have regrets but some of the things I regret I would not change because that would change other things I do not regret!
If your biggest regret in 90 years is sending your boy to a boarding school for one term which turned out to be a mistake you are very lucky is all I can say.
Well regrets are funny old things because you may regret one thing like a wrong marriage but then a lovely son that comes from it is and you have joy. It struck me last night as I watched many people dancing all over the world to the song Jerusalema, how dance united them. And should all those Ukranian and Russian soldiers not be fighting they also would be dancing with their fellow people.
Yes Rachel I am fully aware how lucky I have been - and he has turned out to be a caring and loving son. He has a very handicapped wife and he looks after he with love and care. I am very proud of him.
Goodness me - how I have emjoyed reading about your regrets and how very positive you have all been about their outcome. Thhank you for turning what I thought was a rather ordinary post into one which has given me such food for thought.
I did it... MY WAY ...too often.
I read recently that if we have no regrets, we are living an unexamined life. Interesting. I think there is a shift in culture causing many young people to feel disconnected and hopeless. In the past year, four friends have lost their sons (all in their 20's) to suicide or addiction. I'm not sure where the remedy lies, hopefully there will be a shift in values/culture in the coming years.
This is a very thought provoking post! I guess I do have some regrets but I lived my life the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. Sitting here and thinking, I realise that my biggest regret was working in jobs that I hated for too many years. I wish I'd become a farmer when I was in my 20's instead of 50's!!!
I hope you have a lovely day.x
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