Sunday, 29 September 2019

Stress

Several people have asked what I am finding stressful.   All I can say really is that you have to reach  your eighties and live alone to find out that even the smallest things can be stressful.   Nothing is as it used to be.   Living alone and not being particularly mobile for a start, living alone and not having anyone to share one's problems, however small and insignificant, with for another.   Many years ago my sister, who was over twenty years older than me said that the thing she found most difficult upon widowhood was that for the first time she was not first in anyone's life - and now that I find myself in that position I would agree.   Small problems need sharing (a trouble shared is a trouble halved they say) and one's nearest and dearest have their own families who naturally and obviously come first.

It just so happens that in the last fortnight I have lost a dear friend very suddenly, and also I have three or four problems which I am sure will resolve themselves but which have all come at once and do tend to be overwhelming.   All these things tend to go round and round in one's head when sitting alone in the evening.   Thank goodness for good friends, my son and daughter in law, and last but not least my good faithful doggy friend Tess.

I'll hopefully be back this evening with my usual blog post.

20 comments:

Rachel Phillips said...

I can relate to all of that Weave. Finding myself alone is the most horrible thing I have ever had to endure. I hope the stressful things all soon work themselves out for you. Family are so important and we are both lucky to have them.

The Real Illuminati Temple said...
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thelma said...

Well it has happened to me, and the truth is it is horribly frightening being on your own, the sadness of death of a loved one is insurmountable. But Pat you have made a small 'another' life, and you have family and friends, as I do. So take comfort, take the stress on board and face it, and for goodness sake get rid of that 'illuminati brotherhood' sent to plague us. X

Hard up Hester said...

Hugs Weaver, it can't be easy for you.

Lynn Marie said...

Thank you for sharing such personal feelings. I am just the opposite. Having other people around all the time stresses me out. I have relished living alone all my adult life and I can't wait for my current sharing situation to end and for retirement so I can be alone with my feelings and resolve problems naturally without having to deal with other people's opinions and feelings about my feelings on top of the actual problem. And having meals and evenings all to myself again will be bliss.

I guess I'm just saying thanks for the reminder that people react differently and that no matter what, aging requires change and courage.

crafty cat corner said...

I remember my Mum when she was in her 80's worrying about the windows being cleaned. At the time I had my family to care for and couldn't understand why they bothered her. Now that I am older and spend more time indoors I can see that little things that passed me by before now seem to loom large.
One would think that as we age we would have the experience to cope better but it's not so is it?
Briony
x

Linda Metcalf said...

I lost my husband 16 months ago and stress is at hand always. Feeding the animals, keeping the yard mowed, picking up fallen branches, car upkeep, now a bout of Bell's Palsy brought on by stress. Just being alone. Will I ever get used to it....

Derek Faulkner said...

Ironically, I find living on my own to be the best thing that has happened to me. Unfortunately it took three marriages before I realised that all I wanted was to be on my own, but I remain good friends with those wives It's so nice to settle down for the evening on one's own, having either had a dinner or just a simple sandwich at a time that suits me rather then somebody else. Can watch on TV what suits me, rather than endure something a wide might like. Yes, I have a partner and we see each other every 2-3 weeks at either's house but basically living on my own gives me the opportunity to be myself, not what someone else expects me to be.
Surely in this day and age there are more than enough ways that people can meet and form a relationship with somebody, rather than sitting at home saying how lonely they are.

Heather said...

Grief is so hard to deal with and magnifies many other problems. Be kind to yourself and take time to get back to your usual self. I am so sorry that you find living alone difficult and hope that in time that will ease.

Helensmum said...

I've been single by choice since 2000(I'm 61).Oh how " not being first in someone's life" resonates! My marriage was abusive and controlling but I still have to deal with my problems,although I have lovely family nearby. For example,I ordered a chair,needed simple assembly.I couldn't fathom it,needed my daughter's help.

You're doing great,

Ann Marie

Rachel Phillips said...

It is as Heather says, all about grief.

Tom Stephenson said...

I do feel for you Weave. Every now and then I have to tell myself how lucky I am. Remember that things always seem worse at night.

chr59 said...

dear Pat I have been struck my your courage ever since you lost your dear farmer in making a new life for yourself and I think you should be proud of how well you've done in difficult circumstances. Losing a good friend so suddenly must have been really hard too. I can quite see why things can seem hard; it sometimes helps me to think "this too shall pass". be kind to yourself

Jennyff said...

It is brave of you to share with us, hopefully doing this and receiving comments will be helpful. I think as we get older anxiety can be a problem, certainly it is for me, maybe we have too much time to worry and it must be particularly hard when you are on your own. As others have said be kind to yourself, you are active and interesting woman living life well.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Thank you for your kind comments. I really am not lonely - there are advantages to living alone (Derek mentions a few) - it is just the fact that there is no-one to 'turn to' and the feeling only occurs sometimes - usually when problems crop up - as now.
But your comments and support have helped me over a stile! So thank you.

Susan said...

My heart goes out to you.

Sue in Suffolk said...

I think you are doing brilliantly and I hope I can manage as well as you do as I get older. At the moment I'm OK on my own but I do think about what would happen if I was ill but guess I'll have to cross that bridge if it arrives.
The thing I miss most is shared memories, 38 years was a lot of time for making memories

Bonnie said...

Losing a good friend can make problems we are facing somehow seem worse and even take our confidence away. As others have said grief does a lot to us. Take the time you need and be kind to yourself. Hugs from this part of the world.

Joanne Noragon said...

I've recently been reading about stiles in your country, and some of them are real buggers. If all these wonderful people have helped you over, that is a wonderful boost.

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or
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