Saturday, 12 January 2019

Saturdays.

Living alone is not fun at all, but when ones partner has gone there really is no alternative.   Saturdays are the worst day of the week.   As readers of my posts will know, I have plenty of friends and plenty of things to do in the week - plenty of lunches out, ukulele playing, meeting friends for coffee, book group, discussion group, dog walks where I meet the same people each morning and we exchange a word or two.

Sundays four of us go out to the same restaurant each week - we have a permanent booking.   But 
on Saturdays everyone seems to be with their family.   It can be hard to get through Saturday  unscathed.   As it happens this afternoon I went into Richmond with my son and his wife for a coffee and cake - sometimes we have an evening take-away.   But more often I am alone with Tess.
This is where my blog comes in.   You may be a long way away - even across the Pond as they say - but I am making contact and 'speaking' with someone.

And this is where John's post today struck a chord (Going Gently) .   He is thinking of turning his Ukranian Village field into a series of allotments for villagers, so that there gets to be a community of like-minded folk,all interested in 'grow your own', all likely to be there on Saturday mornings (not at work then) and digging away and comparing notes.   I think it is a brilliant idea.   We all need people in our lives.   We are not designed to be lone wolves - so well done John.   Wish I had a field to share.

34 comments:

John Gray said...

Not many people understand what it's like to be lonely
I'm beginning to understand

Rachel Phillips said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
angryparsnip said...

I adore Johns idea ! People in and out, lots of talk and working Fabulous.
After the x walked out one day and I moved to Tucson I was alone. I was still able to get by with two canes. After the work was done for day I too got lonely but I would go on short trip to the posh market and look at everything then get very good sushi takeout. Toss the dogs in the car and go for a drive. That is/was a treat I looked forward to.
Now I can not walk and it is hard to go out but after living with my destructive x I like the quiet.

cheers, parsnip

Wilma said...

It's one thing to be alone by choice and quite another to be alone, for whatever reason, against your wishes. I admire how you (and John, too) are filling your life with interactions that matter to you.

dom said...

I do understand how difficut it is for you ! I wish I coud help. I live in France but I do read your blog posts everyday. It is asif I Knew you. It makes me happy to read you ! Thank you for beeing here everyday.

Bonnie said...

I may be across the pond but I feel like you are a neighbor and I love visiting with you! And yes, John's idea is brilliant!

Simon Douglas Thompson said...

I love small scale community projects

The Weaver of Grass said...

Thanks for your comments so far. One thing is for sure - you need to be alone to understand what it is like. What Wilma says is absolutely true - I have friends who choose to live alone - I don't but have had it thrust upon me as have many of my friends. Then one has to learn the art of living alone. I do hope that In john's case, although the idea may seem painful to him now, he is young enough to meet another soul mate. I was fifty nine when I met the farmer and we have twenty three years of bliss before he died. It is never too late given time.

Linda from Alabama said...

I too live across the pond and read your blog daily. You write so beautifully that we can imagine your lovely town and feel your emotions. We do care.

Tom Stephenson said...

Dig for victory, but listen out for V2s.

Sue said...

I started reading blogs a couple of years ago after I had to retire a little early due to 3 strokes. I wasn't quite ready to retire, and it has been a very hard adjustment. I wanted to find out how other retired people live, how they fill their days, how they deal with advancing age, etc. Your blog has been a big help to me. I've been reading it every day for quite a while, although I've just recently started to comment and have started my own blog. I so enjoy what you have to say, and wish Saturdays weren't so difficult for you! I, too, think John's idea is wonderful.

Joanne Noragon said...

Yes, I think John is brilliant. I hope it "catches on" and I'm looking forward to hearing about its success.

Bea said...

I have a German club that (only) meets once monthly. I treasure it. We have to find community where we can.

Mac n' Janet said...

Being alone is hard. I think think about you often. I admire how strong you are in every way, even if you have have your days.


Elise Griffith said...

As a reader from California, I feel privileged to read about your life every day. I'm sure your other readers feel the same way.

Derek Faulkner said...

Living mostly on my own with just my dog as company, for me is great. I have four younger siblings in their 60's, all living nearby and yet haven't a clue what they're doing on Saturdays with their families, or envy them. As I've said on here before, purely to give the alternative viewpoint, I really don't feel any need to have someone crowding my every day.

Alphie Soup said...

You raise an interesting point in your post today - we are not designed to be lone wolves. You also mention knowing people. whom you say choose to live alone.
Does this make these people the lone wolves you speak of? People who live outside the pack, who somehow don't fit the socially accepted template of the pack?
I find this view am interesting concept
Alphie

Shortbread and Ginger said...

I find blogging such a great way of connecting with people. It may not be the same as actually having people to talk to on a daily basis, but when there is no one around, then it can help. Just hearing about other people's lives and what they do is, in my opinion, a great way of feeling part of life. Much better than TV!

Heather said...

John's idea is a wonderful one and I hope it is well received.
It is so difficult to adjust after years of enjoying life with a loved one and having to live without them. I am so glad you have friends and family close by and meet them often, even if not on Saturdays.

Sue in Suffolk said...

Blogging has been such a huge help to me since being alone. I can read about peoples lives around the world, interact or not, research things to write about on my blog and generally fill the odd minutes of silence and empty-ness.
Some people may sneer and say it's not the same as real life, some people say they wouldn't read blogs EVER or share their lives by writing but I'm glad there are others who DO share and understand.

the veg artist said...

I really don't mean to offend anyone with the following, but I have spent much of the past 20 years alone. My husband works away, and, while he phones daily, I can go for 6 or 7 days without seeing or talking to anyone else, and I quite enjoy it, although I do accept it is different, because I do know that he will be coming home.
I think that part of the trick is planning, even though the diary is empty. Work out the week's TV in advance - and make sure you've recorded something good for each day, especially Saturday. If housework is mentally a Monday-Friday thing, have enjoyable things planned that you do at home at the weekend - things that do not rely on friends or the weather. Have a reading day, a sewing or baking day, take up something new! Online chess or Scrabble!
I've always been pretty self-reliant, and was by far the youngest child, so used to my own company, so perhaps this comes easier to me than to more gregarious folk, but there really are so many ways in which to enjoy being at home, alone, these days.

Derek Faulkner said...

Very well put Veg Artist

Librarian said...

This post and the many comments show how different living alone can feel for different people. I have experienced both varieties - alone by choice, when I split up with my first husband, and alone not by choice, when my second husband died very suddenly only a few days after his 41st birthday. I still miss him, nine years later, in spite of having found love again three years ago (and would really, really love to marry him but living 150 km apart means it is not easy to decide who moves in with whom). We see each other on weekends but live alone during the weeke. It does not feel lonely because we know we will be together again the next weekend, and can talk on the phne every evening.
But even after the death of my husband, I did not feel lonely; a lot of it probably had to do with being at work all day, and actually enjoying coming home to a quiet and tidy place after a busy day talking to many people.
Pat, I am so glad you kept Tess, and having your son not too far away must also be comforting.

Linda Metcalf said...

Weekends are horrible....I try to keep busy but the loss is always on my mind or trickling down my cheek. Will always miss my husband and my heart will always ache for him. Fifty three and a half years together makes it hard to be without him. John will hopefully benefit from this new idea ....he is a people person.

Rachel Phillips said...

I think the big difference for the bereaved and abandoned and deserted and alone for those reasons is that they know nobody is coming home. There is nowhere in your head dwelling, if only psychologically and intangible, that comforting knowledge that your husband/partner/wife is out there doing something else until he/she comes home and will be home in days or maybe even weeks but they will be home and still love you and are at the end of a phone, or an email, or a text should needs arise. Once all of a person has gone for whatever reason, it takes some time to get over the ache, and it is like an ache, nagging at you that hurts you that you are alone. For me I also have the fear of not knowing when or if or how my partner will behave if he does reappear or if he is ever going to reappear. I hope that makes sense.

Derek Faulkner said...

Rachel makes a very good and sensible argument for people that miss a partner and don't enjoy the loneliness that comes once they have gone. Her last paragraph also spoke of the kind of uncertainty that most of us wouldn't want to experience, I certainly wouldn't want to. However, strange as it may seem to most people, there are those of us out there that do enjoy the solitude that being on one's own brings. I honestly don't wake up on a Sunday morning and get an aching feeling that somebody isn't here, I just enjoy the thought that my normal daily routines are mine alone.

the veg artist said...

I don't intend to go on about Saturdays, but, Rachel, I think the issue is how are you going to react if he reappears? Limbo is not a nice place to be.

Rachel Phillips said...

Actually Derek, I think the uncertainty expressed in my penultimate sentence is the worst bit. I am just about over the shock of the abandonment now.

Rachel Phillips said...

I think I have just answered that Veg, to Derek.

Gwil W said...

Yesterday two people came over and we played charades. A few sandwiches and a bottle of wine on the sideboard and a great time was had by all. Next time it'll be somebody else's turn to be the host. You only need 4 people. Or just two people for some games. Great fun and easy to organize.

The Weaver of Grass said...

As Rachel so rightly says - there is a huge difference between bereavement and abandonment - and really Rachel has the added difficulty of her partner's severe illness to cope with. Every case is different and the way we all cope is different. We just have to find our own way through the woods and hope to come out the other side eventually fairly unscathed.

Shawn Maeder said...

As you say, Weave, we all cope differently and each must find their own way. What we can offer each other though is patient and non-judgmental attention. It's so important just to be heard. I hear you. Peace.

thelma said...

Amen to Shawn's comment. I hear people's grief and see the written word which of course does not show the pain of emotion felt but I think our hearts always goes out to those who feel such lonliness.
Solitude and being alone can be good though, like music or words, it is a space in time to reflect and think.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Well said Thelma and Shawn - and food for thought.