Monday, 14 January 2019

Patience

One of my mother's favourite sayings if my father was getting all 'het up' about something was -
Patience is a virtue.
Catch it if you can. 
Seldom in a woman
But never in a man.

This was never true in my experience.   I have had two very happy marriages and both husbands were the absolute model of patience.   Models sometimes to the point of being irritating.

'How much longer are we going to have to wait?'
' Calm down - it won't happen any quicker if you get in a state about it.'

You will gather from this that the person who is impatient has always been me.   Even now that I am well-retired and really have no need to get in a rush about anything, I still need things done yesterday.

Today I had a business meeting with someone who I feel is going too slowly with the job he is doing  for me.  All the  papers were checked and double checked (and triple checked if I am honest) but I still got 'in a state' = a feeling I have experienced all my life when a situation is out of my control.
Does it help to feel like this?   It most certainly does not.

When I got into the car to drive into town I couldn't find my disabled parking badge.   I searched my shopper and my handbag, went back indoors and looked in one or two other handbags and then, because I was running out of time (another 'failing' - I must always be spot on time), I drove in without the badge, parked a little way out of town (no change for the parking meter) and walked in - not easy with my poor mobility.

 Going to the bank after the meeting I found my badge - it was in my handbag all the time.   In my rush I had overlooked it.   To cheer myself up I went into my favourite restaurant and had scampi, chips and peas for lunch, followed by a cafetiere of Italian coffee.   By the end of the afternoon I had more or less calmed down apart from tinnitus, which always attacks fiercely when I am upset about anything.

These were feelings I recognised from my working days, when I was in a position of responsibility and things had to be well-organised and working properly.   The difference this time being that I am not doing the organising in the main - and that, I suppose, is the flaw in my armour.   I still like to be the one 'in charge'.  Oh dear, we never stop learning about ourselves do we, whether the information be good or bad.
 

26 comments:

Bonnie said...

I believe many of us have gone through a life in which we had to be in charge and constantly "stay on top of things". When that has been the case it is difficult to step back and let others take charge because they will rarely work in the same way we have in our past. I try to be a patient person but I admit it is not easy when many today seem to have a different set of priorities than the ones we grew up with.

Rachel Phillips said...

Scorpio trait. Don't like power sharing and not being in control. You will just have to live with it but you could work on the patience bit.

DUTA said...

Indeed, we never stop in oder to learn about ourselves, 'good or bad' as you put it. Retirement is our last and best chance to have an 'acquaintance' dialogue with our body and soul. Instead, we are constantly running away, looking for all kinds of activities out of fear for feeling lonely.
People are different in their character, and yet, it pays to give our soul a chance. Partners leave or die, friends can sometimes prove very treacherous. Our soul is all we have and it's the best - rich and versatile.

justjill said...

Goodness I could have written that. It is just what I am like. And My partner is so laid back! Thank goodness. I need to be calmed down frequently.

Shawn said...

A priest friend once told me that one year he gave up driving over the speed limit for Lent and it had such a calming effect on him overall that he made it a permanent discipline. Now that I am driving more, I have adopted this practice myself. Driving invariably puts me in a foul mood, but if I drive more slowly I can hold on to my equilibrium. I'm trying to adapt the method to other frustrating moments when things don't move as smoothly as I'd like: waiting in line at the pharmacy, watching a sales assistant take a phone call while I am standing there in person, walking up the stairs behind someone who is in no hurry - all situations which I have no control over. It's not easy. It's a conscious choice, but it seems to help. FWIW

Gwil W said...

My mother used to leave all the important decisions to my father, like who to vote for ;-) She was in charge and he thought he was. And he was always the one in a flap. Excited about nothing! While to her it was all water off a duck's back.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Rachel - thanks for reminding me I am a Scorpio - that has really helped. I tend to think it is just me, now at least I can ally myself to everyone else who is a scorpio.

Gwil - I love hearing stories about your Mother. I would love to have met her.

Shawn - you have a point. That is a practice I could well pick up on.

the veg artist said...

In my working life I was always in control, and efficient with it, but it took its toll. In my private life, over the years I noticed that the more I tried to control an outcome, the less satisfactory it proved to be in the end, especially when other people were concerned!
I have a disability now, something that I have no control over. There are days when I know the pain is worse because of something I've done, but there are also days when I'm in a lot of pain with no obvious trigger, it just happens, and I just have to accept it. Days wiped out of the week, just because!
Patience and acceptance did not come easily, but I really try to enjoy each day as much a possible. Our reactions to things are the only things we can really control.

Beverley said...

Weaver, I am new to posting on blogs and having trouble doing so. I hope you don’t mind if I practice on you as I always read your daily blog but I don’t think I’ve ever posted a reply before.

I enjoy reading about your busy life.

Beverley

Helsie said...

Most teachers are "control freaks"...or so my husband says. I think he may be right though !

Sue said...

I've often thought that if there was one overall lesson I'm supposed to be learning in this life, it would be to have patience. I wrestle with it often. Sounds like I'm not alone!

coffeeontheporchwithme said...

I agree that your previous career required that you be in control, adhere to schedules, and make sure everything ran like clockwork. Tough to give that up! -Jenn

Joanne Noragon said...

I eventually realized I have nothing to do and all day to do it. Even when I have something to so, I still have all day to do it. It's been working out well enough, even for an Aires, like Rachel.

Jomo said...

Hello Weaver like you i have to be in control at all times it's my birthday tomorrow I am a Capricorn as are many of my friends. I will be 62 tomorrow and widowed for nine years next month. I have tried having another relationship but it just made me realise how much I love and miss my husband so have decided to honour his memory and stay on my own.I admire you so much and have take strength from your blog lots of love to you and Tess x

Cro Magnon said...

I become excessively impatient in over-heated shops if my wife is just 'browsing'. I can't stand it, and HAVE to leave.

thelma said...

I live with a person 'who takes his time'. so that I used to fret at the bit. But now I just pick up my knitting ;) whilst I wait for him.

Derek Faulkner said...

I haven't a clue if star signs come into it and I'm a Cancerian not a Scorpio but you describe very well many of my well known traits. Impatience I have in abundance, also time keeping, if I say I'll be there at 9.00, I am, too the minute and I expect everybody to be the same, can't stand lateness in people. I also hate being told what to do, it caused me a lot of problems when I was in management and was expected to toe the management line. Another failing is that I love to help people, I'm far too generous with my time and money.

Rachel Phillips said...

Well Derek have you ever tried telling a crab what to do?

Derek Faulkner said...

Can't say that I have knowingly Rachel, but if I'm anything to go by, I imagine it must be very frustrating.

Frugal in Essex said...

I am on the cusp of the Libra/Scorpio change over. I admit i was very impatient years ago but now I'm far more laid back.

Heather said...

I have never been in control, a trait I sought to alter years ago. Then I found that life was in control of me and not the other way round. Ever since I have just 'gone with the flow' and tried to keep up!
My husband was easily rattled and with five children too it made me quite resilient and adaptable which helps. There were times when I didn't have the energy to get in a state and I still muddle along today. I do, however, like to be punctual and as well organised as possible.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

I have learned that no matter how hard you plan, crap can always happen. I still like to have my ducks in a row, but if one or two fly off, I work around it with it and go to Plan B, C, or D. Age has mellowed me.

Tom Stephenson said...

I am far too lazy to be impatient, but I would make a lousy driving instructor.

Minigranny said...

Love your Mother's saying!I must admit to impatience too.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Beverley - your practice worked well.
Jomo - welcome to you too.

Thanks for the comments everyone.

Jayview said...

Did you see the recent research suggesting our brains need fallow time of doing nothing- such as standing in queues- in order to recover and integrate things and be creative? Waiting may be good for us!