Monday, 17 December 2018

Confidence

Just sometimes these days I am on the verge of losing my confidence.   It surprises me when it attacks because I have always been full of confidence but nevertheless it happens.

My mobility is not brilliant because of arthritis in my ankles, although luckily they are not particularly painful.   My balance is not good enough to walk without a stick.   I don;t hear well but have hearing aids for both ears which make my hearing perfectly adequate.   Other than that I am fine.   But some mornings I wake and wonder whether I can rustle up the energy to get going and get on with life.   I have a loving family and some very good, loving friends but, when the chips are down you are on your own.

The answer I suppose is to go into Sheltered Accommodation.   But I always think of that as 'the beginning of the end' and have no intention of doing that until I really have to - if at all.   Days like today - when I feel like this - are luckily few and far between - today's brought on by lots of jobs in town this morning, a heavy bag to carry, no space in the Market Square so a further walk into the Car Park added to a general feeling of lassitude.

A good night's sleep,theuite company of friends tomorrow and I shall be back to normal.    Now it is time for a walk with Tess before it gets dark - another thing that keeps me going.   Warmer day today so  quite pleasant for walking.   See you tomorrow.

39 comments:

the veg artist said...

You put many of us to shame with your level of activity - so what if you have the odd off-day and feel a little tired. We are all allowed that, no matter what our age or ability. You give me, for one, and probably others, a way of being to aim for.

Gail, northern California said...

Don't be too hard on yourself, Weave. I understand the fragility of your health is a major factor but I admire all that you have accomplished in the last two years...alone.

Granny Sue said...

I am years than you, but I too have that same "is it really worth it?" feeling some mornings. Losing my son 8 years ago was a blow I will never recover from, but I try to go on as if all is still well. After all, what choice do we have? You give me hope that I can age gracefully,as you so well demonstrate can be done. Wishing you a good day.

John "By Stargoose And Hanglands" said...

I think that the short days and dismal weather have that effect on all of us. Just once in a while it's probably wise to listen to your body and give it a rest. I'm sure that Tess won't let you relax for too long!

Catriona said...

I think the short days don’t help with feelings of “why bother”. My energy levels are at an all time low just nowand I could stay in bed most mornings if I didn’t force myself up at a reasonable time. I think what you have acheived is marvellous, Pat, and I admire your spirit greatly. Sheltered housing is not always a bad thing-I volunteer as a craft tutor in a local one and it is a warm, welcoming, safe environment where there are always other people moving around and someone asks you every morning how you are today. Hugs-the days will lengthen soon and hopefully your spirits will rise.

Derek Faulkner said...

I think John got it dead right, it's that time of year as much as anything else. I've arthritis in both ankle and my neck and walking round the nature reserve in the mud, water and cold and in pain makes me feel like giving up at times, but of course we don't.

justjill said...

When things get hard, difficult to do, it does not mean sheltered housing. You should be able to access help via Social Services, if only advice. Lots of it are not means tested. Here in Scotland, not sure about England, I had my needs assessed and provided for. For nothing. Then you can get on with your life as you do so well but with that bit of support where you need it. x

Rachel Phillips said...

I think why bother is different to loss of confidence. They are two different things.

A Heron's View said...

I suggest that you take vitamin D as a daily dose it will increase your calcium levels and help you to feel happier especially during the grey cold days of winter.

angryparsnip said...

I understand your feelings especially today. Mine come in waves. I was always confident but now I am second guessing everything.
Your weather might have somewhat to do with your feelings.

I think you are doing just grand.
Big hugs, gayle

Anonymous said...

I hope you picked up our email to you.
It occurred to me after I’d sent it that you might not open it because it was from
K Leigh.
Please just let me know it arrived and I’ll be happy!
Sue

Sue said...

Too much cold and darkness at this time of year, life can become a trial. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

Bonnie said...

There are times when we all need a simple day of rest. When I am overtired I get a loss of confidence and easily become depressed and don't want to do anything. Our bodies and our minds need a break sometimes, especially during the holidays. Sending you warm thoughts!

Terra said...

Oh Weaver, I love you and admire you so much. Being widows I feel we are in the somewhat same boat, and I have those days too. It takes me a lot of energy to go on, so I treasure my alone time to recharge and I think you are perfectly normal in your times of worry, and hopefully in many more times of good cheer.

Unknown said...

My husband died very suddenly at the end of October. He had a responsible job, but was also my carer. My son, his partner and their baby - 5 months old - have had to look after me for the past few weeks. I also felt that sheltered accommodation would be the beginning of the end, but circumstances have changed out of all recognition. I am moving this week, from South Lakeland to Crosby, near Liverpool - and yes, I am going into sheltered accommodation. It is a self-contained flat with a living room which is a similar size to our own, and a bedroom which is a also decent size. I will have my own kitchen and shower room. My son lives just 10 minutes away from my new home and we have arranged a care package to help me. I am both frightened and upset at losing my dear husband and home out of the blue. I have to make the best of it, but I'm really not looking forward to the change. I'm so glad that you are able to remain in your own home - unfortunately I now don't have that option.

I wish you well for Christmas and thank you for your very interesting posts which I thoroughly enjoy. Jan xx

Ruth said...

My heart goes out to you, Pat. I think it's perfectly normal to feel down once in awhile. Old age certainly has it's uncertainties. You amaze me with your active social life and how well you get on alone, as difficult as it is. Thank God for all your friends, with your family not far away. I'm hoping for a brighter day for you tomorrow. One day at a time, just as you've been doing!

Shenley said...

Just Jill has some good advice. Would it be wise to have an assessment through your GP to see what support would be appropriate. Even if nothing is needed at present it might be good to get “ in the system” now rather than wait for a crisis.

DUTA said...

In my experience what helps a lot with mobility is getting rid of weight surplus, if this is the case, and watching the daily food intake. This has to be done regardless of whether the person is at home or in a sheltered accomodation.

wherethejourneytakesme said...

My 92 year old mum has just suffered a loss of confidence after an attack of vertigo that lasted for almost 2 months before she could receive the treatment she needed at James Cook hospital. She has also hurt her knee which let her down the other week. It is so frustrating as she is normally quite active but all this has made her quite down. After her recent visit here and a bit of a pep talk from me she is feeling much brighter this week and even managed a walk across the road to the cafe.
I think it must be quite normal to have bad days but I wouldn't worry too much about going into sheltered accomodation at some point in the future - my mum lives in a beautiful purpose built apartment, with no maintenance to worry about - she has been there 9 years now and adapted really well - she has pull cords should she ever need them, people around her if she wants to do things and is on a bus route with doctors and hairdressers close by. It was the hardest decision she ever had to make but has always said it gave her a new lease of life. I would just enjoy your time in your little bungalow and not worry too much what the future holds.

Red said...

You might want to take a look at your medications. Medications can bring on the blues. I have a medication that makes me feel pretty blue once in a while. If you know what's happening it's easier to pick yourself up and carry on instead of worrying.

Joanne Noragon said...

My heart aches for you, because I feel that way some mornings. And I'm terrified of the assisted living. So, I just move as slowly as possible. And I just have a cat who likes his box clean, as opposed to a dog who needs a walk. Just be careful, Pat. Two sticks might be better than one. I'm getting close.

diana said...

I am sure you have those uneasy moments but to me you are amazing and strong. You go and do more things than many younger folks because you push yourself and refuse to just give up. Keep it up as long as you can,,,you inspire me.

Tom Stephenson said...

Dear Weave. Don't lose heart. We al feel a bit like this in the run-up toward doomsday, but there is fuck all we can do about it, so just try to enjoy yourself I reckon. Easier said than done, but a good sleep always helps. I love you.

Cro Magnon said...

I think I know how you feel, but you must never give-in to it. Walk as if you are light-footed, argue as if you were just 18, and laugh yourself through any black cloud. As TS says above, it's easier said than done; but at the same time it's essential.

rallentanda said...

Like others I find you inspirational with your enormous reserves of energy. I am years younger than you are but have never had your energy and I'm considered to be a productive type. I was only talking about you the other day as an example of what a woman of your age can achieve and how your cerebral acuity and interests are so impressive. I think you should pace yourself and accept that you are now old and doing extraordinarily well . If you could have a care package...shopping, household help etc I am sure you could stay in your own home a lot longer.Indulge yourself...don't be fearful of having lazy days especially in the winter.Hot chocolate and a big splash of Baileys is always a nice winter treat. I find a lot of creative and reflective thought which you can share with your readers can flow from those sort of days although I suspect you don't have many of those lazy days.they are not wasted days. Just know that a lot of people read your blog from all over the world and you have become part of their lives as well.We're counting on you to be a champ Weaver. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Best wishes for New Year.

Librarian said...

Don't we all have the occasional "down" day? In my case, at 50 and in the middle of my working life, it is not so much about the health things but more about how "safe" I feel in my relationships with family and friends. Remarks made to me yesterday, intentionally or not, brought on a bout of low self-esteem. It is probably all rubbish and only in my imagination, and I am sure by the time I arrive at work today, I'll have all but forgotten about it.
As some of the otheres here have said, sheltered accomodation is not necessarily a bad thing. I know a lady in her 90s who says it was the best decision ever. She is still very much part of her family and circle of friends and by no means "forgotten" in her new home.

Rachel Phillips said...

Sheltered accommodation wouldn't wave a magic wand. You can feel like that whatever roof is over your head.

Carol Caldwell said...

I so admire you for all that you do. I am sure this will pass and as many have said the darker days always make things seem worse. It is not long now until the days start to pull out again. All on here are supporting you.

Heather said...

I think you are amazing Pat, and an example to all of us. I think we all lose confidence as we get older, perhaps wondering how many good years we have in us. Just keep going - we are almost at the shortest day and have Spring to look forward to.x

thelma said...

Pat you are an inspiration to us all, never forget that. X

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Derek Faulkner said...

Hard but true words spoken by Rachel - when we're down and blue, that's how it is, perhaps you should jump on the plane to Genoa with Rachel and you could cheer each other up.

Gwil W said...

Winter blues I expect. It'll pass. The energy levels will rise as the days grow longer.

liparifam said...

You are doing great! I am several decades younger than you, and I already feel that way some days. Those are the days I'm grateful for my dogs - needing to take care of them gets me out of bed :) Sunshine and friends are the best medicine...

Minigranny said...

This is the darkest bit of the year and I think we all feel gloomier.Arthritis can be very depressing too - I seem to be getting slower and need to get my other hip replaced but at least that can be done and I don't suppose ankles can. Keep your spirits up and stagger into the New Year with the rest of us!! Take care Weaver and have a Good Christmas. Sheila X

Bea said...

I think it would be wonderful to have a younger roommate in my older years. My mother's friend, at the age of 70, moved in with her nephew after the death of her spouse. Aunt and nephew got on really well; it was a very good arrangement for them both.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Thank you for all these totally inspiring replies - I really do appreciate them. Sincere thanks indeed - I know it will pass - I need a nice sunny day to get things in proportion!

Hilary said...

H.A.L.T...........hungry angy lonely tired........that's when I feel like you are describing..........I usually give myself a swift kick in
the backside, and get moving.
You have far too much life in you for Sheltered Accomodation, which I imagine here in the USA is called Assisted Living.
Not for me either.

Gwil W said...


Dig in, Pat. You've a shed full Yorkshire grit. A la Geoff Boycott.