There is an interesting article about happiness in today's Times 2. At Yale Professor Laurie Santos was astonished to find that over one thousand students had signed up for her course 'Psychology and the Good Life'. In the course she intended to teach the science of happiness and also to give pointers as to how behaviour could be changed to
achieve it.
It got me thinking. My first husband (we had thirty nine years together before he died in 1991)
used to always say 'what makes you think you were put on this earth to be happy?' As he had been on the Death Railway in Thailand as a very young soldier I think he probably knew what he was talking about.
My farmer (married to D for twenty three years before he died in 2017) would not have known what the question meant! What he saw as happiness was what I would think of as contentment. He was one of the most even tempered, contented men I ever came across. He took whatever came his way - and this applies to most farmers, who have years of coping with good seasons and bad seasons.
We can't be 'happy ' all the time (whatever happiness means). There are ups and downs, highs and lows in every life. But we can work at contentment - and that is what I try to do. Losing a loved one is a great blow, but all the distress in the world is not going to bring them back. We do need to work at contentment and I would love to have been able to sit in on some of her classes to see what pointers she gave to attaining this.
Money doesn't necessarily bring it. Mindwandering is not as good for us as living in the present moment. Mobile phones are nothing like as good as human face to face contact. These are roughly some of the things she says.
So - I ask you - is happiness important to your wellbeing - or contentment if you prefer. And if you haven't reached that state are you doing anything to help yourself? She suggests keeping a note of what you do - meditate, do random acts of kindness, connect with others, get plenty of sleep. I think we all know these things, but whether we carry them out in our own lives is another matter, I am going to buy a notebook the next time I go into town so that I can try this. It is Summer, the days are warm and they are long. But come the Winter and the cold and the dark nights, those of us who live alone find the whole thing about contentment much harder to come by.
About Me
- The Weaver of Grass
- I am a widow for the second time - first marrriage 39 years, second marriage 23 years - both very happy. My second marriage was to a farmer and when he died the farm was sold. I now live in the nearby small town on the edge of Wensleydale in The Yorkshire Dales. My beloved Border Terrier died a couple of years ago - I still miss her but as I am 90 and need carers I shalln't get another I have one son,who lives nearby with his wife, three grandchildren, one step grandchild, two great grandchildren and two step great grandchildren..Life is good.
nothing wrong with a bit of snow.
Do you like my new bed?
Whatever you are - come out!
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My Blog List
Well, are we going for a walk or what?
Come out rabbits! We know you're in there!
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My latest photograph.
Look how I've grown!
Best buddies
17 comments:
Contentment is a lovely state to achieve. I am content some of the time, need to work on making it more of the time.
I think it really says something that so many people wanted to take her class. It's like, "Finally, an important topic!"
I agree with you, happiness comes and goes. I have heard it said like this: Happiness comes and goes but joy is forever. For me, there's a joy that remains firm that comes from Jesus. I have no other way to explain it. I used to not have it, then one day I had it suddenly and it has never left me.
I think all the phones and isolation does a number on people. We are made to look people in the eye and to be looked in the eye. (I say this while writing on a blog to someone I have never looked in the eye! Ha ha!) This blogging is nice too...but it doesn't take the place of real life.
I am sometimes content but have spent all of my 71 years looking for and trying to be, truly happy and have never achieved it. I had an unhappy childhood which saw me retreat into myself a lot and I've never really broken free of it.
People who commented on the Ragwort post might want to scroll back and read the very interesting comment from Neil Jones.
I was fortunate to have a happy childhood which is a wonderful start in life. We were not well off which made me appreciate the things I did have and understand that it was not possible to have everything I might have wanted. I have never been very acquisitive and still appreciate what I do have. I am definitely contented and believe myself to be generally happy. I am content with my own company and have visits from my five children, who are very caring. I am also fortunate to have good neighbours who have welcomed me to the retirement flats we all live in. Although my husband died 18 months ago, his death was anticipated and I am glad for him that he didn't make a partial recovery as I know he would have hated being an invalid. All in all, I regard myself as a very lucky woman.
As the song says - happiness is different things for different people.
Alphie
I am content, I think, and happy in a gentle way, not the over-the-top-excited way. I try to pay attention to the little things, do kind acts when I can, and appreciate where I am in life today and how I got here. Losing my son Jon eight years ago was the hardest thing and biggest blow I have ever experienced, and the most difficult to learn how to cope with, how to fit it in with my former concept of happy. But I have learned, for the most part, and I look back often to good memories of time with him. Being happy, or content, does not mean being free of sadness and pain, but rather how to incorporate those things into the whole picture. I'm still on that learning curve.
Yes happiness,like sadness, comes and goes. I spent a lot of years being unhappy even though my life was quite good. It's only in the past 30some years I've learned to be content. It's a trait I share with my 2nd husband who has content on his car license. If I don't feel content, I have to consider is there something I can change in my life or is it that I'm not accepting the reality of what cannot be changed now or yet. With 45 in our country, I have to ask myself those questions often. Not watching any tv news at all keeps me relatively content.
I believe in contentment, happiness can be tiring.
Luckily I am a 'happy' person. I wake happy, and normally go to bed happy. It takes no effort; I was born that way.
I think the best way to be happy is to not compare oneself with others at any time. As soon as one starts comparing then the discontentment, sadness, disappointments, imagined failures, can set in. Go along merrily paddling ones own canoe and one is fine.
I feel very content. I don’t feel overwhelmingly happy but then I never feel that sad either, I can’t remember the last time I cried, maybe my emotions are dulled by age.
I struggled for years trying to achieve happiness. I do think childhood and the examples that the adults in our lives set for us can affect our own adult lives. I learned that it really is a mindset. You choose how you react to things. I completely agree with the notion of contentment instead. Joy and sorrow are those poles of extreme emotion and contentment is the middle ground. Very good post. -Jenn
I'm like Cro - I am happy by nature. Not that I have not experienced periods of extreme unhappiness, but they were/are transient. How could you know you are happy if you have never been sad? Now contentment is another thing entirely to me. When I was younger I was often not content with the status quo and strove to change things such as sexism, racism, bigotry, social injustices, bullying, etc. And I was happy with the good fight. I am happiest when my passions are engaged, otherwise I am bored. Now that I am older my passions are my family, photography, natural history and conservation, sharing my good fortune with others, and being kind and supportive on a personal level.
I don't believe that life was meant to be a bowl of cherries. I've found that although I've lived through some of life's worst tragedies (drug death, drowning, suicide, and murder, as well as unexpected divorce in amongst them all), I've dealt with them through the grace of God and a belief that life is what we make of it. I hope I won't offend anyone, but happiness and contentment for me has come from keeping these Bible verses close to my heart (these are a few of many) St. Matthew 5:3-11 and 6:25-34. Life is beautiful in spite of the bad stuff when we truly appreciate the world around us, as you so ably describe in all your posts, dear Pat! You could write a beautiful book...
Money is not the key to happiness, but it certainly is to unhappiness
I have a positive outlook on life, and I quickly see the funny/quirky side of things - that's my nature, and I'm fortunate in that. So depression is not something I've experienced. I'd say contentment is a far more "even-keeled" state than happiness.and much less exhausting!
Contentment doesn't necessarily mean, for me, accepting things as they are - there are issues of social injustice that really make me boil - but perhaps having an inner stability while working for change. Does that make any sense??
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