Thursday, 28 October 2010

"There's nothing worth the wear of winning......

...save laughter and the love of friends."

Hilaire Belloc was right I think - and the older I become the more I think.

As a friend and I drove through the murky weather to Windermere we got to talking about the qualities of friendship. What makes a good friend? How much do we need friends? How important are they in our lives?

We came to the conclusion that maybe women need friends more than men do. Do you agree with this? We went through men of our acquaintance and could think of very few who seemed to have a circle of friends.

What is a friend? Well that in itself is open to discussion isn't it? I have one friend I have had since the first day I started school at four years old. We have never lost contact. We now live far apart and rarely see each other, but we talk regularly on the telephone, share our problems as well as our gardens and other interests in common.

As to what makes a good friend - well, I suppose we meet many people in our everyday lives but occasionally we meet a kindred spirit and the spark of friendship is ignited. My circle of friends up here in the Dales is very important to me. We meet regularly, chat, go out together, help each other along. Our Saturday mornings spent in the bay window of The Golden Lion pub drinking coffee and looking out upon the town which we all call home (or thereabouts) always seems to me to be such a civilised enjoyable activity. I think we all need the support of each other and the Saturday mornings just seem to me to be the cement which keeps the wall intact.

At no time is a friend more important than when one is bereaved. Losing one's partner in life is a bit like tearing a limb from a tree; the wound takes a very long time to heal. Friends help enormously. So-called friends whom you thought were friends but who now cross the road rather than confront you as you grieve, are best consigned to the 'have-been' heap. Often this lack of contact is because people really don't know what to say. If you are a true friend you will think of something.

So long may friendships continue as far as I am concerned - as Emerson said - a good friend is THE masterpiece of Nature. So raise your glass to my toast for today
- FRIENDS.

21 comments:

Jinksy said...

I will add two words to that toast... And Naighbours! Not to mention Blogpals, of course, who are another facet of the frienship jewel.

Karen said...

I'm sort of appalled by the social media thing where everyone seems to be "friends" with everyone else on facebook. That's friendship?

George said...

This is a lovely post, Pat, on a very important topic. I think you are right about the difference between the sexes. My wife, for example, has many more friends than I do. Blogging, however, has help to fill the void for me.

MorningAJ said...

Interestingly in my relationship, I'm the one with only a few friends and Mister AJ seems to have lots of people.

It's possibly because, over the years, I've had a bit of turmoil in my life and the majority of my so-called "friends" have been significant by their absence.

Pondside said...

All so true, Weaver. The Great Dane's friends came mostly through my friends and social activities.

Golden West said...

Most of my closest friendships have endured over the years, despite miles or circumstance, and oddly, most of my best friends have always been guys.

Poet in Residence said...

Dear blog-FRIEND Weaver, can you please please tell your VERY GOOD FRIEND JC who is now my PEN-FRIEND something is in the post if you haven't already doen so? I should have sent it earlier but things are unusually hectic.

Heather said...

Here's to you Pat - dear bloggy friend. I agree with every word of this post. I have lost touch with all my school friends but still think of them quite often. I wonder if they remember me. I have put something in the post for you today.

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

It's so funny that I should read this today. Tomorrow I am getting together with my three closest friends from childhood. We became friends at the start of school when we were five. All of us went our separate ways, seeing each other only sporadically, and one of them I haven't seen in years and years. I'm so excited to sit down around a table with them now!

jeanette from everton terrace said...

I agree. Friends, in all their many forms, are a vital part of a healthy life. My husband is my very best friend, we play and laugh together. My grown daughter is becoming my friend, my parents are dear friends and my childhood girlfriends are still in my life. Each person fulfills a different need in my life. I lost my dog over the summer and I considered him a friend as well. I certainly miss him like I would miss a friend. Though, chocolate has also been my friend at times.

Loren said...

I suspect that you're right about men having less friends, but perhaps teams we exercise with take the place of friends. Not much talking, but an awful lot of teamwork and interaction takes place.

I really miss the group I played basketball with for nearly 25 years.

jeanette from everton terrace said...

Hi again, to answer your question from my post - when a banana goes nice and brown, I put it in the freezer to pull out later when I'm ready to use. When you're ready to make some ban' bread, pull a couple out, then let them drain before adding to your mix because there seems to be a bit too much liquid otherwise. Good luck!

Reader Wil said...

This is a very important post! Yes what is a friend? I have many good acquantances and most of them have been true friends in times of bereavement. Blogging friends, as Jinksy said, are important, but it's so easy to say: "My thoughts are with you". We cannot visit each other easily and that would be very essential for a friendship.
Thanks for your visit and comment! I hope to think of your birthday on Sunday, because you are one of my blogging friends. My weddingday was on 29th October, that would have been tomorrow. Time flies!

Derrick said...

I'm sure the nature of friendship must have changed since the days when folks/generations lived within a few doors or streets of each other for a lifetime. And do ladies have more 'friends' than men or more just more social relationships?

Masia Mum said...

I do worry that so many young people judge their number of friends as the so called "friends" on Facebook. I really don't believe you can have thousands of friends. True friendship requires more than a quick post on a social network site. True friends are there when you need them and who instinctively know when to leave you alone when you don't! My closest friends do not require me to get in touch regularly and I don't require that from them. We all have busy lives but what is great is when we do talk or get together it is just like we saw each other the day before.

John Gray jgsheffield@hotmail.com said...

here here

Von said...

Ah yes friends!on't think you need to worry too much about FB, the young can tell the difference between real friends and FB friends.
Good friends stay by through thick and thin, instinctively know what you like and enjoy and know exactly the right words to say.It's important to tell the difference between friends, true friends and acquaintances, all are valuable in life.

Cloudia said...

Thank YOU
for being a friend!





Aloha from Honolulu

Comfort Spiral

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Gerry Snape said...

I have just had a lovely time meeting up with friends that I got to know in the 50s!! we laugh as much as ever ...in fact maybe more!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thanks for more wise weavery words my (virtual)friend! Ps. How /where is Dominic?

The Weaver of Grass said...

I think Jinksy sums it up well, don't you - friends, neighbours and bloggy friends - yes we do fall into a different category but what a nice relationship we all have. Long may it continue. Thank you for taking the trouble to express your view.