Wednesday 31 May 2023

Being an Observer

 I don't think I have ever had time to really look at people I don't know before.

I sit here thinking about what I have just written - goodness me, in all my teaching years and Parents' evenings of course I have.   People I don't know have arrived and sat down opposite me at a table to discuss  their child and his/her work/behaviour ( in the widest sense).   But then, of course, there has been an immediate connection - a common interest.   A brief 'friendship' usually emerges in these circumstances if one has developed the right technique for encouraging it - because parents' evenings are a two-way thing.   What the teacher learns about the parents - the way they look, the way they behave, their whole attitude - helps in every case to add to the teacher's knowledge of each individual child in his/her care.  If the evening is a success then they are not 'ships that pass in the night' but just another addition to the teacher's mental build-up of each individual child.

Now - at 90 - (sorry to keep reminding you of the fact but believe me I have to keep reminding myself)- I have through circumstances become just an observer for much of the time.

Two choices (I am cutting out TV here) - either I sit at my computer and observe either the screen or the garden through the window - maybe at some times of the year an animal (beef cattle, sheep) might pop its head over the stone wall but rarely, so it is observe garden and/or wildlife.   Or I sit in my nice new chair and look out of the window at the 'passing traffic'.   After living here now for over five years it  is amazing how familiar folk have become.

I can divide them into various groups (into my mind came the words 'Venn diagrams' - remember them from your school days?) - first and foremost  dog walkers - 7 - 8am and again after tea.   One soon learns who takes their pet for a short walk so that they poo away from their own doorstep and who is going for a 'proper' walk.   Past they go - at a fair speed (depending on the dog - plenty of different breeds from chihuahua to setter).  Those in the first category - back in a couple of minutes, poo bags swinging from which ever hand is not holding the lead) - the rest - some stroll back, others I don't see -they have a morning and evening route worked out and obviously return by a different way.    'By their dogs shall ye know them' has become my mantra with this group.

Mums with babies/toddlers pushing buggies pass later (do Mums still do as they did in my day - bath babies first thing, potty train, feed, dress, walk ) - I have no way of knowing.   All I can say of this group is by golly how quickly newborns become toddlers (different vehicles sameMum pushing) become      tiny tots on scooters, little bikes etc).

Ladies going shopping - middle aged walking briskly; only a mile into town so easy walking with a couple of shopping bags on market day.  Older ladies go past later at bus time (stop at the end of the road) and then return using the next bus.

And then there are the walkers - usually in at least pairs - dressed for the weather, sticks in hand, waterproofs in rucksack if they have listened to the weather forecast.

I get to know some of them a bit - if the day is warm enough I take Priscilla outside and sit by the front door ready to call over the front lawn to passers by.   Dog walkers are the best bet to elicit brief conversations (breed, behaviour, name etc) and some have become quite 'pally' - that goes for the dogs too. 

Plenty of folk pass in cars  - I am not interested in cars as long as they go) but that is only a brief glance.

But they are an interesting lot - dress varies enormously but only one thing stands out as worth mentioning.   Sorry but I do not like tattoos.   They might be 'fashionable' but now that the weather has warmed up a bit I do seem to be drawn to observing men in shorts, often fat tummies drooping over the waist line, and countless tattoos.  (I recall an elderly lady in the village stopping me when I was about to marry the farmer a couple of years after being widowed.   She remarked how lucky I was and said she would like to meet someone and remarry -( "but he must have his own teeth and he must keep his shoes clean.").   So I will end by saying - never in my whole life time could I marry a man whose body is covered in tattoos (but then I am sure they would all say, without exception "never in my whole life time could I marry a woman of 90, unable to walk and nosey enough to sit there observing me as I walk past"                                                                  

31 comments:

the veg artist said...

I never get the chance to people-watch like this. I live at the top end of a cul-de-sac, so no passing walkers, but I'm with you on tattoos. My father had a regimental one on his arm from his service in WWII, but today's tattoos are a diferent thing altogether. It would be like buying a piece of clothing that you commit to wearing every day for the rest of your life. I saw a sad article a while ago where a young mum in her 30s was regretting her bodywork. "I'm just not that person anymore, and now I'm stuck with them." was how she put it.

Anonymous said...

I am having a good old laugh. What an entertaining post today 😉

Rachel Phillips said...

Love is unpredictable. Never say never is how I look at it.

Anonymous said...

I remember my mother-in-law saying of someone, "She says she likes to visit the city and sit and indulge in people-watching while there. I can't understand that at all - what's the point!". I have always been an avid people watcher and was left scratching my head, not able to think of an answer to explain.
The best people/ dog watching, was while my husband was in a cycling club, and on Sunday races I would leave the crowd and races to watch the dog training classes on a nearby oval. I always had tears of laughter. I was often teased for playing hookey but wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Loved your post - thanks for bringing back memories - Pam, Aust.

JayCee said...

I have always found people-watching endlessly fascinating. In cafes, restaurants, airports... everywhere. Sometimes I find people glaring back at me - wondering why I am being so nosey, I expect.

Jean Winnipeg said...



I love people watching. I often have to employ some acting skills…looking blank if the person I am watching looks round to see if they are being observed. I had to look up. Venn diagrams ,,,that was new and interesting to me. I wonder if women are better at people watching?

Yellow Shoes said...

I have daughters and sons-in-law - all lovely people, all with tattoos!
Agree completely that people watching is fascinating. x

Anonymous said...

I am a lady of 82 and I would like to know why you hate tattoos. I got my first tattoo in 1996 in Nuku Hiva in the Marqueses islands in the South Pacific while sailing a small boat with 3 other women.. I now have two arms covered with tattoos as memories of good times. I get many complements on how nice they look, so is it just an old person opinion that you have decided not to like tattoos? Other than tattoos I think we are very similar. I was married twice, the second time for 35 years to the love of my life. I have a dog who I can no longer walk but we play in the backyard where I watch the goings on. I still drive so can go out and about when I feel like it.. I still do my own cooking. Cleaning and shopping and hope that will continue for a few more years. Have a nice day,Weave, I will still read you everyday even if you don’t like tattoos!

bristol limey said...

People watching is so interesting because they are infinitely variable. No two are perfectly alike not even twins. So people are a perfect study for a mind with the capacity to imagine all of the things about a vision that are not visible.

Derek Faulkner said...

Tattoos are awful and disfiguring in my opinion, they just look so unsightly. I can't think of anything nice about them.

Ellen D. said...

What a delightful post, Pat! I like your descriptions of all you see.
I don't mind tattoos, although I wouldn't want one myself. Some tattoos are lovely and I think of it as a way a person "dresses" themselves - like picking out a shirt to wear. It doesn't hurt anyone else and it is a way of expressing their style!

Anonymous said...

Another post that reminds me why I read your blog every day and come back at the end of the day to read comments. I always say that the only tattoo I would consider would be DNR on my chest (yes, I do know that opens up a very different discussion). I am a fan of Judi Dench and remember when she announced that she had a tattoo ( I think she was in her 80s and it is on her wrist). I guess I can sum up my feeling as "to each their own" or "live and let live" Jackie in Georgia USA

The Weaver of Grass said...

Lovely comments - thank you.
Rachel I agree but at ninety and unable to walk I think - after two marriages - each time I said 'the love of my life' and I couldn't choose between two such lovely men - I think'll I'll leave it at that.

Seems the jury is out on tattoos. Each to his/her own I hope you all agree.

Rachel Phillips said...

I was referring to tattoos actually.

Rachel Phillips said...

Love might see beyond tattoos. I have no idea, just a thought.

Susan said...

You've made some precise observations here. Getting to know people and their patterns is interesting. Actions, sometimes speak louder than words. We are all creatures of habit. Your home has a good location for people watching and there is no shortage of activity outside. Regarding tattoos: I once worked with a very conservative family man and he, of all people, had a fascination for women with tattoos. Looks can deceive. I would never have guessed.

gz said...

Active observations.. definitely a positive thing to be doing and taking an interest in life.. can't fault it, however mobile you are or are not.

Jennifer said...

I've always considered tattoos to be ugly. We're in agreement there!

The Weaver of Grass said...

Yes Rachel - just a thought. You may well be right - but for me even then it would depend on what the tattoes were I think.

Barbara Anne said...

What a delightful post and am sure you were a wonderful teacher since you gleaned insight about your students from their parents. You often teach us here, too!
My mother loved to watch people when she had time to sit like at an airport or at church. When I sit, I read.
As for tattoos, as a surgical nurse for many years, I saw a lot of misaligned tattoos from injuries or surgical procedures and a lot that sagged or were stretched by weight gain or loss. A couple of surgeons I worked with took care to properly realign tattoos if an incision bisected one.
DS1 and our DIL both have tattoos and they say why not decorate the canvas that is utterly yours? Not for me, thank you! ;)

Hugs!

Gerry Snape said...

Pat...I too couldn't have a tattooed husband....skin is so beautiful...even my old skin that looks like corduroy at times!!! My oldest grandgirl has a little straeberry tattoo on her shoulder...I can cope with that.

Red said...

I like the description of people walking by your place. I like how you moved from school interviews to people watching. Yes, you had to watch very carefully who was there for an interview, You also had to watch your students very carefully to see what was going on with them.

gmv said...

I loved this post!

Virginia said...

Tattoos are increasingly common here in New Zealand - as a culturally identifier of Maori and of various Pacific ethnicities. For people who have strong cultural connections I can understand them, although I still find the 'Moko' - facial tattoos off-putting and sometimes downright frightening. BUT the body covered with flowers, mermaids and the like is a total turnoff! And the nonsense of people with no Maori blood, not speakers of Maori, or connected to the culture parading around with legs and arms covered I think is quite ridiculous, and I'm hoping will soon be seen as 'cultural misappropriation' ... which it is! (Rant over!)

You are right, reading the body language and making connections with people is a skill, and one to be treasured. Parents participation - or non - at interviews and their willingness to engage is a large determiner of the progress the child will make. I taught the 'bottom performing 6 year olds in reading and writing' for many years in a 1-1 situation, and the very first thing I had to do was get the parents onboard. Convince them their child was wonderful, had every chance of great progress, and we all had to work together to unlock the potential. Once I'd done that, the rest was simple!

Mary said...

Another great post, thank you Pat - you make our days worthwhile.
No, don't have tattoos other than medical ones (marker dots) from days long along when I was undergoing radiation for cancer - and they are well hidden!!!!!

Hilde said...

Like you, I love watching people, and my husband loves it, too. So we can spend endless time on a park bench or in a cafe watching and talking, which is much more fun than just keeping your observations to yourself.
And also like you, I don´t like tattoos. We have nice warm weather now, about 25 °C, and the things you get to see are horrible. A young mother in the neighbourhood has a portrait of her baby on her right calf - and of her german shepherd dog on the left one! The baby is now two years old, and I wonder what she will say when she understands the "body art" of her mother. I also don´t know why some people have the dates of their wedding, birth of their children etc tattooed - are they afraid they would otherwise forget them?
Hilde in Germany

John "By Stargoose And Hanglands" said...

I'm glad you quickly corrected yourself, it would be difficult to be a teacher without observing the behaviour and body-language of your class. I found that working with pre-verbal children on the autistic spectrum that observation was my chief ally, I could usually act before things got out of hand. As for tattoos, it's the kind of thing that if I awoke one morning to find I had one then I wouldn't mind. But I could never see me going to the trouble and pain of actually getting one. Fortunately my times of youthful inebriation never happened in the vicinity of a tattoo parlour.

Librarian said...

Thank you for allowing us to sit down with you for some people watching, Pat - it was fun!
Interesting comments about tattoos. Ellen is so balanced - I tend to agree with her the most, although I am also with Derek, Jennifer and Hilde, who find them ungly, as well as Rachel who says never say never when it comes to love.
In my age group and younger, you are an exception when you do NOT have a tattoo. I never wanted one and am really glad O.K. does not have any, either - I love him deeply and guess I still would if he had a tattoo, but it is actually quite a turn-off for me.
Much of my people watching happens at train stations. You can instantly tell who is used to public transport and who isn't.

Sue in Suffolk said...

You might not go out very far but you write excellent blog posts about so many things!

(Both daughters have tattoos - just small ones - I dread to think what my late Mum and Dad would have said)

The Weaver of Grass said...

Thank you all so much. Would you believe I couldn't think of anything to say yesterday so just switched on, put my fingers on the keys and 'played' and this what came forth. I thought well I wrote of my view from the back window yesterday (garden and lovely old stone wall) so I will tackle the front window today. And what riches have poured forth from you all.

Annie said...

I don’t mind tattoos too much. My father was in the service in WWII and had a caduceus as he was a medic. He rather regretted it but we kids thought it was fascinating. Those were the days when tattoos were rare, of course. Now I am an old widow myself I sometimes think I might get a tattoo myself.