Tuesday, 14 January 2020

My First day.

Sleeping last night was almost impossible for me - I couldn't stop my brain working overtime.   At half past three I got up and went to my computer and 'played' with it for an hour and a half.   When I went back to bed I did eventually fall asleep and then of course I slept late.   But it didn't matter.   My neighbour called before I was dressed because she had heard my sad news and soon after she went another friend rang and I was talking to her for an hour.   And so it was lunch time.

I have been overwhelmed by everyone's comments and kindness - they have certainly helped me through the day.   I have heard Tess many times - heard her basket creaking, heard the 'clack' of her claws on the kitchen wood floor - and many's the time I have glanced at where her basket used to sit to see if she is alright.   And although for the last few weeks she has slept most of the time and been unusually quiet, the house seems strangely quiet and empty without her here.  But I know I have done the right thing and now I have to pick up the pieces.

It has not been a day when I have missed walking with her - she would have hated it too - it has poured with rain all day.   I had a mountain of ironing to do and have done a bit here and there throughout the day (I can't stand for long at once) meaning that there is just a duvet cover to do in the morning.   There are two programmes I quite enjoy on the television this evening (a weekly documentary on Mevagissey in Cornwall and the fishing industry there) and a programme on Ben Fogle in the Wilds.   Neither programme needs a lot of thought (good because at present my brain is a bit scrambled) but does pass the time.   Last evening my son kindly came round to sit a while and we watched University Challenge together - we both enjoy it and always have a contest to see how many of the questions we can answer (he always wins - I say because his brain is younger than mine!)   I managed seven last night - in most cases they were questions the teams got wrong - mainly because they were too easy I think - questions about natural history (trees, birds, flowers and the like) they always seem weak on.
Sometimes there is a contestant whose knowledge is incredible and last night the chairman of one team had a very impressive tally of answers - she rarely had to consult her three colleagues.   Such a brain - one wonders where such characters end up at the end of their university life. 

I shall try to stay awake until my normal bedtime tonight and if I do then I think I should be assured a good night's sleep.

38 comments:

Gwil W said...

The sleep after a sleepless night is the best sleep.

JayCee said...

I cannot imagine how strange it must feel to not have her there with you, especially these first days. You are fortunate to have so many caring people around you to help you through.
I used to love watching University Challenge when I could still hear reasonably well, although I have to admit that my score was usually in the fairly low numbers!

maureenlthompson said...

A difficult decision for you but you knew it was best for her. It hurts like heck though. Thinking of you at this very sad time.xxxxx

Bonnie said...

How nice of your son to come over for a while last night. It will naturally take time for you to adjust but you should rest easy that you have done the right thing. You are a strong lady and I have always admired the way you take any situation and manage it in the best possible way. I am keeping you in my thoughts.

Sooze said...

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Tess, I missed your post yesterday. I know how I'll feel when the time comes for our lovely Betty to go, so you have my deepest sympathies.

Mrs LH said...

Like you, I am enjoying the fishing programme. Mevagissey is one of my favourite places to visit.

Mary said...

Be strong - you always are Pat - and do things that bring you peace of mind and good thoughts as you go through what really is a difficult time. Glad your son came to visit, that means a lot.

Anonymous said...

Pat - I always admire your bravery and tonight is no exception. Cathy

justjill said...

You did the right thing for Tess. Hard for you now. I never met Tess but she was lovely. As are you.

Maureen Reynolds said...

Much love Pat. I'm sure you'll 'hear' Tess many times in the days ahead. Our house was built in 1910 and when it creaks or cracks or the stairs squeak, we laugh and say...Oh there's Sebastian, our late Siamese. It makes us smile.

Julie B said...

I have always enjoyed reading about Tess in your posts. What a lucky dog she was, to be so loved and cared for by you - she had the very best life any little dog could hope for.
Sending you so much love. xxxx

Kippy said...

I thought of you often yesterday and today, Pat. Saying goodbye to a beloved longtime pet is always so tough. Tess was a good girl and she was as fortunate to have you as her owner as you were to have her as an animal companion.

Jocelyn is Canadian Needle Nana said...

Ahh Tess, so sorry to hear this news. But I have no doubt she is chasing rabbits somewhere. We just had to say goodbye to our 12 year old German Shepherd. Such a loyal presence in our house and now so missed. But like you, we did the right thing too out of love.

the veg artist said...

I know that feeling of looking out for them when they are no longer there It takes a while to get used to their absence, and a long time to stop crying too. Look after yourself.

Frances said...

I have been thinking of you today too. My first ever dog was " put down" just over 6 years ago and I can still cry for losing him, but I got another dog very soon, my much loved schnauzer who is now 6 and a half. He was actually born 2 weeks before Dillon died! It might not be for you to have another too soon, but there are many many older dogs who need a loving home for their last few years that you might be able to take on. Just to be able to love them and let them out in your garden? Sending hugs dear Pat . XX

Thickethouse.wordpress said...

Wishing you well! The first days are difficult. I lost my last little dog Bo a few years ago and it took a long time not to miss his greeting when I came home from somewhere, anywhere. But you know you did the right thing and you will slowly overcome this. Never easy, of course. I wish you well.

gmv said...

I thought about you all day. My heart aching for the loss of your beloved little companion. You gave her a wonderful life full of friends and walks and love. Pet routines are so entrenched that it will be awhile before you stop looking and hearing her. God bless you and help you through this sad adjustment time. And thank you for posting today. I feel better hearing from you.

Oklahoma Girl said...

My sweet Cash, Boston Terrier, died in my arms 1 1/2 years ago and I still feel his presence. I believe they, like our human loved ones stay close to us in spirit. I believe Tess is still there and will remain, watching over you.

Praying you get a good night's rest.

Mary M. said...

I am so sorry for your loss of Tess. I've been reading your blog for a couple of years now. I love your simple stories about life in Yorkshire. (I live in the Washington DC area). In the midst of a crazy world, your stories about enjoying life--taking Tess for walks, going to your book clubs and poetry clubs, going to to lunch--always ground me and remind me about what is important in life. Hearing about your loss brought tears to my eyes. Please know there are people 'across the pond' thinking of you and sending you warm and kind thoughts - Mary

Terra said...

I have been thinking about you and Tess ever since I read your post about her. I am a widow who lives with my adorable dog Bounce and can relate to your sadness. It will be so quiet at your house. I send you hugs from California.

Hildred said...

Dear Pat, my thoughts are with you, and I sympathize so with your loss. When you live alone your dear four footed creatures are such an important and loving part of your family.

angryparsnip said...

Oh Pat, Such a day..
It has been 5 years since Watson has been gone and some nights I still hear him late at night walking around the house and making sure everything is fine. Then he would get back up on the bed and snuggle in.
I believe he is still near..
I wish I lived nearer to you.
gayle xx

Librarian said...

You have great friends, neighbours and your son nearby, I know they are immensely helpful at this sad time for you.
When my cat had to be put to sleep, I kept "seeing" her for weeks. Then my husband said "This household needs another cat", and walked to the animal shelter with me, where our last cat (the one who died in 2013) chose him.
I hope you have slept well last night.

thelma said...

It is going to be hard but you did the best for Tess and to see her in the mind's eye happily running around chasing rabbits is the portrait you must carry in your heart.

Sue said...

Sad times for you Pat. I love watching University Challenge but sometimes I don't even understand the question, let alone know the answer!

John "By Stargoose And Hanglands" said...

You've got through the worst day; things will slowly get better. It seems a pity if the brightest students spend so much time with their noses in their books that they know little of the natural world around them.

Heather said...

Sweet dreams tonight, I hope. I know that feeling of hearing and imagining a pet's movements. University Challenge is a bit beyond me but I do like Eggheads whose questions I can answer and even get right when the team doesn't.
Thank goodness your son is so caring and you have kind friends to help you especially now.

Tom Stephenson said...

I somehow missed your last post Weave, and I was very sorry to hear about Tess this morning. It must be very hard for you right now. I am thinking of you and may your sleep return to normal soon.

Penny said...

So sorry to hear about Tessa. Thinking of you.

Rachel Phillips said...

I gave up watching University Challenge a long time ago because of the teams' lack of ability to answer general knowledge questions. I found it quite depressing.

Poppy Q said...

Aww you miss them when they are gone.

wherethejourneytakesme said...

Just catching up with your news Pat. Isn't it always the way when you miss a few posts something happens. I have left a condolence message for you but I thought I would say again here how sad I feel for you that you have lost your faithful and loving dear friend. I have no doubt you might have a few sleepless nights until you get used to the situation. I always think after my daughters or granddaughter have been staying with us and they go back home how quiet the house feels suddenly and I miss them terribly. Thinking of you. x

Sue in Suffolk said...

Hope you had a better nights sleep. I think it will take a long while to get used to the empty space little Tess has left in your home.
Hope you have some good meals out planned with your friends very soon

Helen said...

Sending love from Central Oregon ... and huge comforting hugs.
Helen

The Weaver of Grass said...

When BT put me a new telephone line in a few weeks ago Tess stood on the wet concrete so that there - just outside the front door - are her paw prints. How pleased I am now that she did it.

Rachel - it is those questions that I can answer so I enjoy watching it.

Thanks everyone for your cheering words. I am burning a candle for her today.

Rachel Phillips said...

It was not a prerequisite that the team had to not be able to answer or get an answer wrong for me to join in. I was happy for both them and me to get the right answer. I got more and more disappointed with the state of education that appears to have let ordinary general knowledge teaching slip by the wayside.

Brenda said...

Prayers

DR AZIBA HERBAL SPECIALIST said...

I have used Dr Aziba herbal Medicine cure remedy for 2 WEEKS now. So far, it has cured my HERPES, eliminated my COLD SORE, improved energy and metabolism, in the morning I feel recharged and I no longer feel sleepy after a meal. As for the scent, it does smell like motor oil but I chase it down with 100% Herbal medicine from Dr Aziba. twice a day AFTER a meal. I also experienced vivid dreams for about 5 days now it’s diminishing to during the first 2 or 3 hours of sleep . contact Dr Aziba: EMAIL: priestazibasolutioncenter@gmail.com or whatsapp +2348100368288 and He also have herbs medicine to cure some popular diseases....
Some other areas of your health you may need Dr Aziba help to get cured.
{1}Diabetes
{2}HPV
{3}ALS
{4}Herpes
Contact
Dr via Email: Priestazibasolutioncenter@gmail.com
WhatsApp : +2348100368288