Following on from yesterday's mention of growing old, there is another aspect of which I am very conscious. Maybe it is just me - in fact I would love to know whether anyone else experiences the same feeling - but the older I get the more I find I have to stop myself losing my confidence.
I married young and had a very happy first marriage, bringing up one son and playing in an enthusiastic early music group - several of whom were professional musicians - and in addition holding down a responsible, fairly high up role in secondary education. At the same time I managed to do a couple of degrees in my 'spare time', went off on music courses and generally filled every minute.
Then I had two years as a widow after nursing my first husband through cancer. Meeting and marrying the farmer was more than I had ever expected to happen. We had retired and moved to the countryside before my first husband died. Now, suddenly, I was a farmer's wife - a completely different life, so different that there really was no point of comparison. I had twenty three years of another very happy marriage - I now realise just how lucky it was that this could happen twice.
Now alone again - a son nearby - lots of wonderful friends - lots of interests - still able to drive - why should my confidence begin to waver? I can only put it down to age (and I have met others who feel the same). Perhaps it is the fading of physical strength, or hearing, or a general slowing down. I don't know. As I said yesterday - I am no Luddite. I do keep abreast of current affairs. But increasingly I need to remind myself who I am and what I am capable of 'off my own bat' lest I fall by the wayside.
Do others feel the same? Yes, I know we all begin to age from the moment we are born, but eighty is a bit of a milestone whatever anyone might tell you about eighty being the new sixty.
Perhaps I need to snap out of it and buy myself one of the new 'must have' jump suits. Might even do that if someone can tell me how one can go to the loo quickly if one is taken short (another side effect of getting older!)