Monday, 10 April 2017

Monday

And so the days go by.   I am taking each day as it comes and today I have been so terribly tired that I keep falling asleep.   I feel guilty that I am not taking my dog for longer walks but a combination of tiredness and sciatica means that I just don't have the inclination.

We went into town this morning but she stayed in the car while I did one or two jobs around the place.   After lunch I fell asleep for half an hour in my chair and as I awoke - just for a split second- I saw the farmer in the opposite chair;  this has happened several times over the last couple of weeks.  It doesn't worry me at all.

We had a short walk down the pasture after lunch.  It is quite a cold day here with a sharp wind blowing.   James was here shifting a few pregnant heifers when I came back and he handed me a ladle with about two dozen eggs in it - he had found a nest in the straw when he was bedding down this morning.   Goodness knows how long they had been there.

Two business letters later (they took an age), now my daily post (one way of trying to get back to normal) and it is time for a cup of tea.   Wish you could join me.

43 comments:

Sue in Suffolk said...

Oh dear, old eggs, they could be extremely smelly if broken!

A day at a time is just right.

Jan Francis said...

You are doing very well indeed.
I wonder- if you crack the eggs it should be obvious if they are usable or not. Can you stand the stink if they are not?
JanF

Jayview said...

Maybe I am joining you in a way, by reading your post in southern Australia, where the golden autumn (summer clothes last week) has suddenly tipped into wintry weather (snow on the mountains). I am imagining you there in your chair, and the Farmer still present with you in a way, and I send thoughts and prayers and thanks too for all you share with us. Jean

jinxxxygirl said...

I would most certainly love to have a cup of tea with you.... This morning is a little cool with a brisk wind blowing...roaring through the pines actually.. some yard work is in my future...and some mudding on the craftroom walls... I have leftover porcupines to eat for today so no cooking.... :) .... I have my eye out for the first new fawn...nothing yet though...lots of pregnant deer though..lol I hope your day turned out lovely Pat...Hugs! deb

Sue said...

A cup of tea with you would be grand. It's not surprising you are feeling tired now, I think you are entitled to indulge yourself in a few naps. The Farmer will always be with you.

Derek Faulkner said...

After a hot and sunny day yesterday I was quite taken aback early this morning on the nature reserve, to be faced with a strong and very cold N. wind, a real shock to the system after yesterday. Nodding off briefly during the day is, I would of thought, quite normal for some one of your years who has suffered the stress that you have in recent weeks. I do it most days at some stage and normally around lunch time and in your case it's probably your mind and body gradually unwinding.

A Brit in Tennessee said...

I would love to sit and have a cup of tea with you.
Whenever I dream of loved ones, I take is as a sign, they are still with us, always watching over us.
You are a remarkable strong woman, take each day in it's stride, and be good to yourself.
Hugs,
Jo

Jan said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. A day at a time is the best way-take care.

Wilma said...

I love to indulge in an afternoon nap on occasion. How sweet to have momentary glimpse of the Farmer in his chair when you awake.

SandyExpat said...

Tess will adjust to your routine so no need for guilt.

Give in to the need for an afternoon nap, no shame in that. The Farmer will always be with you in spirit and glad that the brief glimpses do not upset you.

Thank you for sharing this part of your journey as a widow.

Sandy

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

Edward and I wish we could join you, too.
xoxo

Elise Griffith said...

If you brew the tea, I'll bring the scones. Or would you prefer biscuits? Yes, that happens for awhile ("seeing" your loved one), and am glad to hear it doesn't alarm you. My theory is that--in a way--they remain with us while we need them to. Naps, by the way, are much more wonderful than we thought as small children. I love a good nap sometimes.

Librarian said...

I'd gladly join you for tea (would coffee be available, too?) and I'd happily take your dog for a nice long walk around the beautiful Yorkshire countryside.

Rachel said...

Accumulation of living on adrenalin for several weeks. You will be tired.

Countryside Tales said...

I'm glad you've got Tess with you. I'm sure she'll understand about the walks x

Theresa Young said...

We will join you everyday for of cup of tea. It will do us all some good. Keep writing.

Bovey Belle said...

Don't worry about shorter walks for Tess - I'm sure she's not too bothered. As for naps - I'm hardly surprised you need some shut-eye and rest, after all that has happened in the past few weeks. I always feel better for a 20 minute nap, and if your beloved is in the opposite chair as you wake, it must make you grateful that he is still able to be by your side, however briefly.

You will be in my thoughts when I have my afternoon cuppa, and I wish I was nearer and could bring you a freshly baked cake (I am apparently the Queen of Lemon Drizzle cake these days as all my friends have asked for more!!)

angryparsnip said...

I dream of living in the village just down from you called Gayle.
So then I could be Gayle from Gayle coming for a cup of tea.

I hope you know how much we love you and the Farmer.
cheers, parsnip and thehamish

Doc said...

It is a blowing nasty bit of weather, so I have just had my tea as well. Thinking of you dear Weaver.

Simon Douglas Thompson said...

After my friend hanged himself last year, I was seeing him in the streets, or rather I'd see his face superimposed onto people with the same build. I wouldn't worry about your visitor either.

Heather said...

I have had awful bouts of tiredness too, and fall asleep during the day in spite of sleeping well at night. I think it must be par for the course - there are so many things to think about and one tries to be efficient, which in my case does not come naturally.

Some weeks after my father died I saw a man so like him I felt compelled to speak to him, and then felt rather foolish though he was very nice about it.
I shall raise my cup to you the next time I have a cuppa.x

Mac n' Janet said...

Will join you with a cup of coffee. I t hi k it's wonderful that you're seeing the Farmer, he'll always be close to you. Enjoy your naps, they a gift.

shadypinesqltr said...

Sorry to hear of your sciatica. The stress of the past few weeks can take a toll on you in several ways. Gentle stretching exercises help me. Allow yourself the luxury of afternoon naps. Your body is telling you to slow down and relax. I take the opportunity as often as I can!

Rosie said...

Thank you for continuing to write. It is lovely to sit quietly and hear about your day. From time to time I have seen people in a different dimension and like you not found it scary but comforting even though it is when least expected. I don't have a dog but my cats are great company.

Beachcomber said...

I think we all join you for a virtual cup of tea by reading your blog. I know it lifts my spirits to find you blogging again.
Sleeping is a way of healing so it's good to have naps when you feel like it. As someone else said, listen to your body.
You are not hiding away from anything just regaining strength after what must have been an horrendous time.
God bless you as you wander on your walks with Tess in the lovely country fields round you.
Allow the birdsong and unfurling leaves to cheer you up. Sue

Tom Stephenson said...

I wish I could join you too Weave. I would like you to join me one day - fancy a trip to Bath? It would be lovely to entertain you. It was nice that you awoke to see The Farmer in the chair, as usual. I am sure he is in one way. All my love to you, Stephen. X

littlemancat said...

I would so love to join you for a cup of tea. Your strength and warmth come across in your writing. And thank you for posting again - it's wonderful to hear from you.
I hope that you are able to sleep well at night - I find the evenings and night hours more difficult in stressful times. Sleep is a blessing - :-)!
Thinking of you and little Tess,
Mary

Gail, northern California said...

Unless you've lived it, you can't possibly understand so keep writing, it will help others. Your writing about symptoms of grief,
emptying your soul, will help those enduring the same thing, reassuring them that they haven't lost their mind.

I had no clue. The first year a blur. Without relief, I finally decided to join a grief counseling group. Listening to others, I understood then that what I was experiencing was "normal". Members have become dear friends who understand. One in particular has seen me through many dark hours. 3 am typing an e-mail to her is not uncommon....and she to me.

I wish I could join you for a cup of tea too. I wouldn't mind if it was 3 am.

the veg artist said...

It's usually the case that we soldier on through trials and only later feel the exhaustion. Nap away, you obviously need it.

Jane Bellingham said...

This is going to be one huge meet up for that cup of tea. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body - rest when it tells you too. Sending warmest wishes from Lincolnshire.

Frugal in Derbyshire said...

Good to read your posts Weave. Like your other bloggy friends I would love to really join you for a cup of tea.
Gillx

Barbara Womack said...

I wish I could join you, too.
Thinking of you so often as you adjust and sending much love your way.

Manchester Lass, Now and Then said...

I'd love to join you for a cuppa Pat:) What a special experience seeing the Farmer sitting in the chair opposite you♥ I've haven't been reading your blog for very long but I have to say it's so good that you are writing again. Take good care Pat, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Linda xx

Robin Mac said...

I would love to visit you to share a cup of tea. We are enjoying a spell of glorious sunny Autumn weather following the turmoil of a cyclone and floods a week or so ago.
I am sure your body is saying a nap is the best way pf healing, how lovely that you catch a glimpse of the Farmer when you wake.
I think of you each morning when I am doing my exercises - I remember you saying one of the exercises in your exercise class involved walking on the spot. I thought that was such a good idea I added it to my routine. That reminds me of you and I hope you are continuing to feel a little happier day by day.Cheers XX

Karen Reittinger said...

I would love to join you for tea as well. From the comments, it seems you would have quite a crowd. Love and prayers, Weaver.

thelma said...

Think we would all like to join you as well, don't worry about Tess ahe will adjust. The Farmer sitting opposite briefly glimpsed is a good comfort, take it for a peaceful sign.
Love Thelma xxx

Gwil W said...

It's wonderful. My aunt used to see her late husband standing before her and that's amazing because he had been confined to a wheelchair for nearly 40 years. There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamed of . . .

Jenny said...

No need for guilt at all. I say sleep when you can, a little snooze can work wonders. Be kind to yourself and keep that kettle going you never know.

Elizabeth said...

Wish I could join you too!
And I see you would have rather a crowded house if we all took you up on it.
I’m not in the least surprised that you are tired. I’m sure Tess will survive on shorter walks until the sciatica abates a bit.
I’m having a friend to tea here today and am making cupcakes with raspberries in. Wish you could join us here!

Minigranny said...

Would love to be able to join you for tea - as others said we are all there virtually. My Mum often saw and felt my Dad's presence after he died and found it very comforting.
Take good care of yourself - naps included !
Sheila x

The Weaver of Grass said...

Let's all have a virtual meeting for tea (or coffee) and scones and a good chat - that is about as near to the real thing as we can get.

Sue said...

How lovely that you got to glimpse the Farmer, it is said that in the moment of waking we are more in tune with things we know little about than at any other time, and if we wake gently we can stay tuned in for longer. He will be with you often and no doubt he was at peace to see you snoozing peacefully before him. xx

Winters End Rambler said...

This is going to be some tea party...luckily I have a veritable assortment of pretty china for the occasion. Never feel guilty having a nap.
I think recently departed loved ones stay with us in some way until they're sure we're coping without them. x