Saturday, 24 January 2015

Marriage

Is it just me, or do you think that marriage is viewed differently these days?
When I was young there were few divorced or separated couples in our village.  In remember one divorced couple and one separated couple.   Of course this does not for one instant suggest that all the other folk were happily married.   What it is more likely to suggest is that conditions being what they were, it was impossible to separate and survive, especially if there were children.   So this would suggest to me that many children grew up in homes where the parents were not necessarily happy.

Now everything is so different (a friend's grandson was once the only child in his class who had two parents who had always been together).  I don't know whether this is better or worse.   I really have no experience to fall back on to give me an opinion.  (I am sure someone better qualified than me will give me an opinion via the comments ).

But I did think of it today when I read in The Times about an organisation called ' Explore', which, says its CEO 'is an attempt to give young people the opportunity to have a dialogue with married couples about that relationship, because they very often don;t have a chance due to home circumstances.'

Couples go into schools and for half an hour students can ask the couple any questions they like.  This is followed by a discussion on the trials and tribulations of being a couple.  (I don't think marriage necessarily comes into it these days - but being a couple certainly does).

My view, for what it is worth, is that times change, but relationships certainly don't.   Thank goodness that if a couple are unhappy together divorce or separation is much easier (if no less painful) and probably better in the long run for the children.  I have quite a few friends who talk of their own childhood in terms of the rows their parents had, and how they should never have stayed together.   Things were definitely not 'better' in terms of relationships in those days.   But I do often worry when I see so many of today's children who have dads, step-dads and step-step dads, and brothers and sisters to match.

17 comments:

John "By Stargoose And Hanglands" said...

There's a whole generation growing up thinking that Uncles are men who share a bedroom with their mothers.

Joanne Noragon said...

The old saw, "you cannot have your cake and eat it too," applies to many couples. Children are born to parents who do not see they must make and see through a commitment to the children, too. Sad.

John Gray said...

And what about two " uncles" getting married?
Hey ho

Terry and Linda said...

I so agree with the above commenters!

Linda ❤⊱彡
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
https://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/sherlock-boomer/

Heather said...

I don't think marriage is taken as seriously as it once was. Church weddings are so expensive it is hardly surprising that many couples chose other venues, and by doing so I feel that the solemnity is lost. The vows made have lost their importance and it is easy to separate and get divorced now, so there is no need to try to make a go of marriage when things get tough. I am not particularly religious but we were married in church and made solemn vows which we still uphold like many other couples.
It is so sad for the children when parents separate but of course if there is violence or some other really unacceptable circumstance then separation must be available.

Hildred said...

The last wedding in our church (which I played for) was almost ten years ago! Amongst my children I have only one son and DIL who have taken their commitment and vows really seriously and are still together after thirty years....I have a number of grandchildren in relationships where marriage doesn't play a part (although they are good relationships mostly). Yes - things have surely changed!!! "Love and marriage, love and marriage - you can't have one without the other' certainly doesn't apply now!

Rachel said...

It is too complicated for me to get my head around when children are involved.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Interesting that so far today everyone seems to feel as I do.
As for John and two uncles getting married - I am sure they are the very best kind of uncles.

angryparsnip said...

I think the reason for marriage has changed today. It started out as a contract for uniting to families in whatever.
Today it is for what ever it can get me. An older teacher friend of mine was talking about the young women in her school. They wanted to be married but one said if it is not working out for me I am out and find someone better.
We have a throwaway society
It is sad especially if there are children.

cheers, parsnip

jinxxxygirl said...

Hubs and i have been married for 25 years... We both come from homes where the parents were divorced... My mother never did find happiness and his mother along with 4 children found the perfect man to be husband and father... For the first couple years of our marriage i had to be convinced that not ever disagreement would end in divorce... lol

Hubs and i were committed to making it work. We are two very different people with a great love for each other. So at times it was alot of work. But in the end its a relationship we are both proud of and wouldn't trade for anything. Sometimes i think people give up too soon...

I look at our marriage in awe now. When i stop and think that at any point when it was rough we could have walked away but look what i would have missed. A man who i KNOW and who KNOWS me. Who would do anything to see me smile and i him . To put another's needs in front of your own... I wouldn't trade it for the world. Hugs! deb

Cro Magnon said...

When my youngest was at Primary School in central Brighton, he and his friend were the only two who had 2 parents. I'm pleased to say that those 2 lots of parents are still together.

Marriage is very un-fashionable here in France.

Cro Magnon said...

I should have added 'in his class', not in the whole school.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Thanks for all these comments - not sure whether it reflects the kind of folk who blog, or whether it is those of our age - but times have definitely changed and not necessarily for the better.

thelma said...

Well I have no comment to make on it, only to remember 'Times they are a- changing' by Bob Dillon, exactly like history which alters its social mores as time progresses;)

Linda Metcalf said...

It's just too easy these days to divorce. We've been married for 50 years and have talked with our children and grandchildren when they are having difficulties. I tell them to sleep on it and give it some time and talk to each other. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and it requires hard work. Not every day is a bed of roses.

Mary said...

We both came from 'old school' families where our parents' marriages were far from perfect, BUT they soldiered on and made the best of life in those days - for the sake of we children more than for their own happiness. Money was short - work was hard - and our respective parents struggled financially. I never really heard my mum say she loved my dad until he died, and then she suddenly missed him terribly.

Today - well they really don't try hard enough, knowing they can walk away and support themselves (or be supported by others). Women couldn't do that back then. It's still the kids who suffer though when divorce happens,
and they deserve more. There are so many screwed up kids out there who have never had a real family situation - whether due to a one parent home or a divorce early on. Very, very sad.

Mary -

Devon said...

I am a child of divorce, and although I was in high school at the time, it was still very difficult. Now when I visit my parents, I feel like a true visitor to my dad's wife's home or my mom's husband's home. I still feel this way even though I truly love both my step parents.

I've been married 28 years and realize it is a choice to love and to stay committed to the relationship. Much as being happy is a choice.